A-Z Guide To Male Names
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
guys
10:30AM, Monday August 17th 2009
A website called DJMICK has posted an A-Z guide to female names in which they call Amelia “a bit old-fashioned,” Anneka (their spelling) “sporty in and out of the bedroom,” Catherine as one who “needs ironing,” and Wendy as a woman who “works on a building site, possibly a man.” What?! Well, we can play that game, too! After the jump, my A-Z guide to male names.
Adam — Drives a big car to make up for his little penis.
Brad — Swings both ways.
Charles — Sweet, but cannot turn off The History Channel.
David — Cries like a girl.
Ethan — Bad kisser.
Frank — Has a bit of a gambling problem.
George — Not the brightest bulb in the pack.
Hank — Strong, stable, dependable.
Ian — Makes a great gay boyfriend.
Jake — Lovable loser.
Kevin — Doesn’t know how to tie a bow tie.
Lester — Can’t stand the taste of eggs.
Mike — Thinks every day’s gonna be his last.
Nathan — Used to be a girl.
Oliver — Can’t say his “s’s”
Patrick — Secretly worships Prince.
Quincy — Bad speller.
Rob — Is good with dogs.
Steven — Potent sperm.
Taylor — 40-year-old virgin.
Usher — Like anchovies on his pizza.
Victor — Gallant: will hold umbrellas over women’s heads on a rainy day
William — Excellent tennis player. Not good at much else.
Xavier — Works hard, plays hard.
Yates — Grew up in Jersey, but has a fake British accent.
Zach — Good kisser.
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Perceptible
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:39 am: [report]
Ha ha ha! Glad my son’s name and boyfriend’s name aren’t on your list Wendy. These are harsh!
I do know a few guys with these names though, and can’t seem to connect them. Funny post tho.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]
I’m not on there either. Whew.
In ‘85 my name was given to only 2000 people, it’s a bit more popular today sadly.
SEMI-girl
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]
Wayne - Blue-collar background, loyal, funny and a heart of gold
Evidence: Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips and my boyfriend.
Shasta
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]
Our impression of names are imprinted on our brains by fifth grade, and could go either way. Potent sperm or not.
And its too bad, a lot of the social misfits had good names that are out of consideration for any future children.
Brooke
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]
I think your name definitely helps to shape your personality throughout childhood. I fell in love with a James once, but knew it would never work out. His name was much too boring.
Chris- The guy you always pine for
Ryan- Really, really hot. And usually sincere.
Jason- RUN! I have never met a Jason that wasn’t a complete jerk
resullins
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: NOOO… no changing your avatar… I’m not going to be able to recognize you. Crap… <must pay attention!>
@Brooke: Holy crap that’s exactly what I was going to write! I’ve never met a Jason that was worth dating! Well, I dated two, and both were HORRIBLE!
As for the Nathan thing, I have to disagree… that’s my brother’s name, and he’s the very opposite of effeminate.
My other brother is Cyrus - Pot-head that can’t pass his freshman year of college because he has the baby complex and feels everything should be handed to him!
I’ll add that one!
Jess_CA
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]
Brooke, I totally agree about the Ryan description. I was just getting on to my BFF Merri for dumping a guy with that name.
Ms.Bubbles
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]
I totally agree with the Jason thing… Weird that Jasons are like that
ChoJinn
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]
Victor is a good name. Original article’s descriptions are humorously accurate, from my experience. Olwyn haha.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
@resullins: Tough cookies. I happen to like my censored wedge of cheese, and the classy “Cheesy” font.
resullins
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 11:16 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: No worries… I just always looked for the adorable little penguin when scanning posts… but I’m pretty sure I’m intelligent enough to associate a cheese wedge with you!
Coral
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:02 pm: [report]
People definitely judge and associate personalities with different names. Some people just don’t seem to fit their name. A lot of people like or dislike certain names based on experiences and past people they have met. And this is typically ingrained through all the classmates in school. My parents attempted to give me an interesting and unique name so they named me Carolina, instead of Caroline. First of all, neither name suits me at all, and somehow when I was really little, Coral soon became the name that everyone called me. Not that Coral is a common name at all, but I kind of lived up to the name. Pink, especially coral pink is one of my favorite colors. And I loved sea coral. I’m just glad people don’t go around calling me Carolina. Although Carolina is similar to Caroline, it’s like naming a son Kansas.
resullins
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
@Coral: I agree with 90% of your point… however, being a girl from Carolina, I have to take a stance against the Kansas comparison! But perhaps that’s just my stubborn Appalachian pride talking !
Coral
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]
@resullins: Haha. Well I didn’t mean to compare the types of people who live in those states or whatnot. I was just comparing the two because who names their children after states? My parents just justify it by saying that it’s similar to Caroline. And, I love the south. I’m moving there in a few weeks.
resullins
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
Ok then… you are forgiven!
Where are you moving to? I love the South… left it once or twice, always came back! But I don’t know about the state-names issue you have. I seem to quite a few very nice Dakotas, and they fit their name. Now, I would definitely never name my child Rhose Island, or Connecticut…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
@Resullins: Or Jersey. I hope.
resullins
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: I’m not sure why anyone would EVER want to be associated with that state! J/K if anyone here is named Jerseycutie and is gonna get pissed at that comment!
Jenn27549
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]
Also have the same experience with Jasons. Not so with Ryans.
Coral
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
@resullins: I’m moving to Georgia for college. Well I guess I’m not exactly moving, but it’s a big distance from where I am from (Massachusetts). Hmm, I do like the name Dakota, and I met someone once named Texas. But most states, I just could not agree with for names.
resullins
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]
Georgia’s a good state. Bring bug spray and a LOT of body wash. You’re gonna want to take a shower as soon as you get out of one. I love humidity… but I also get called crazy at least 10 times a day.
I also met a VERY awesome Montana once. But I’m pretty sure Oregon is out!
Coral
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]
@resullins: Yup, I’m going to melt in the humidity. It also doesn’t help that I’m highly sensitive/allergic to mosquito bites. Yeah I can see that Montana isn’t a terrible name.
Pipi
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]
Oh this is sad that my name says “Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it” and that may possibly be true.
My ex’s name is on this list I am not sure if ge does know how to tie a bow.
loveitlala
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 07:56 pm: [report]
Oh yes ditto with the Jasons. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of dating two.
nutmeghan
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:02 pm: [report]
Meghan – Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA. wow. oooh, that almost hurt. too bad i’m too hard-hearted for any insult to touch me.
writergirl
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 05:54 am: [report]
I am not sure what *my* name means on the female list, but my poor son’s name got blasted on this list. Poor kid.
It is funny how you associate names with certain personality traits. I’ve heard K-12 grade teachers have the worst time chosing a name for their kids because there is usually one bad connection with each name.
ctwilson112
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 07:56 am: [report]
I would have to say that all “Sean"s I happen to come across are always hotties….
resullins
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]
So… two things we’ve learned from this post:
No Frisky readers should ever date a Jason!
And all of our names on the original list are funny!
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact. (So far from the truth I ASNR’d my latte out my nose!
Erin G
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]
Hahahaha I once had sex with a David who cried afterwards. IRONIC.
lirael182
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]
I dated a David a few months back. One night I stubbed my toe and it was a whole bloody mess. I handled it like a Boy Scout, he kept whining and being a big baby at the site of blood. I’ve never seen him cry, but I definitely know he would.
amandabear
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 06:21 pm: [report]
My name on the original list means “I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.” Well, my boobs ARE pretty big, but my IQ is certainly bigger. And as for the other part… heh.
As for the boys… I have never had a good experience with a dude named Travis. Ever ever ever. They are, in my experience, almost universally the mayors of Douchetown.
marchimark
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 11:46 pm: [report]
I dated a guy once whose name was Ryan.. or so I thought. Turned out that was his middle name; his real name was Jason! And he ended up being a total douche, not the sincere hottie I expected. Tricky bastard!
hummingbird
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:04 am: [report]
lol, this post.
I agree with the name-association thing. Though I must say.. my Jason happens to be FANTASTIC.
missgrapefruit
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:23 am: [report]
Don’t date a Jason! I made the mistake of falling for one and turns out he wasn’t worth dating! I know two other Jasons and their girlfriends are having a hard time trying to get them to commit.