7 Ways To Survive A Holiday Breakup
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
1:00PM, Tuesday December 22nd 2009
A breakup almost always sucks, but this time of year it can be especially painful. The good news is the holidays can also serve as a wonderful distraction from your heartache—and you don’t have to worry about shelling out money for a gift (or acting delighted when he gives you socks again). Luckily, not only are there plenty of reasons to love being single at this time of year, there are lots of ways to ease your loneliness, process your feelings, and improve your mood, too.
1. Surround yourself with friends and family.
Crowded, over-priced department stores aside, this is a joyous time. Don’t sit and sulk alone at home feeling sorry for yourself. If you’re going to drown your sorrows in eggnog, at least do it in the company of friends and family who can lift you up and remind you how loved you are. Sure, Mom’s incessant nagging is annoying, but it beats waking up alone, fully clothed on your bathroom floor, hugging a bottle of rum and hoping you remembered to take out your contacts before passing out, doesn’t it?
2. Engage in favorite traditions.
Whether it’s watching “A Christmas Story” for the umpteenth time or making gingerbread houses with your cousins on Christmas Eve, be sure to take part in the traditions that have always been a part of your holidays. Even if you’re sick of the same old movies and don’t even like gingerbread (or your cousins, for that matter), there’s comfort in the familiar—a happy reminder that no matter how turbulent your personal life gets, there are some things in life that never change. Besides, that scene where Ralphie’s buddy gets his tongue stuck to the frozen flagpole is always good for a laugh.
3. Focus on what you’re thankful for.
Sit down with a pen and paper and make a list. Sometimes just the act of writing it all down reminds us how much we have going for us. Forget a pros and cons list; this tally should be all positive. It’s amazing how much we have to be grateful for that we so often take for granted. Like a movie starring Brad Pitt opening on Christmas Day. “Hark, the herald angels sing,” indeed.
4. Give unto others.
Taking time to focus on others may relieve some of your heartache and give you a renewed sense of community and human connection. Consider volunteering at a shelter or a soup kitchen, delivering meals to the elderly, or donating gifts to a toy drive. Even shopping for your loved ones takes the focus off your breakup and helps get you into the spirit of the season. And if you want to take the money you were going to spend on a gift for your ex and buy yourself something nice instead, we won’t tell.
5. Pamper yourself.
Schedule a massage, treat yourself to a holiday mani-pedi, and hit the salon for a kick-ass, post-breakup hairstyle. Just make sure you don’t cut off too much of your locks—the last thing you want is a “bad hair holiday.”
6. Hit the holiday parties with gusto.
This is the perfect time of year to bust out your hottest holiday outfits, do up your hair, break out your shimmery eye shadow, and go mingle and flirt with other sexy singles. Who knows? You might even meet your next boyfriend under the mistletoe. Just be sure to stay away from couples-only events (mainly because they’re boring).
7. Avoid your ex.
Skip the parties where you know the ex will show up and avoid checking Facebook, Twitter, or any other social networking place your ex has a presence. You might even consider deleting him from your network entirely. I mean, he’s deleted from your love life, right? And since you can’t very well survive the holidays without your phone, at least delete your ex’s number from it. The last thing you want is to drunk dial or text him on Christmas Eve with a message about how much you miss him. Maybe in the new year, you’ll be healed enough to add him back into your life—at least your virtual life, anyway.
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missmirandab
wrote on December 17 2008 @ 11:14 am: [report]
While pampering yourself, go shopping for a scent/perfume. Nothing makes me feel sexier than spraying on a new perfume or indulging in a new body lotion!
Kiki T
wrote on December 17 2008 @ 11:15 am: [report]
Oh this happened to me, another suggestion: go into denial. then put on your new year’s resolution list: deal with break-up.
moonblossom
wrote on December 22 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Last year I got divorced in Oct and my friend got divorced in Dec. We refused to be holiday pity cases so we went to serve dinner at the homeless shelter.
The shelter was very unorganized and we really didn’t end up doing much, but nobody had to know that! For all they knew, we were awesome volunteers out there giving to those less fortunate. Afterwards we cooked dinner and drank. It was much fun.
bogart4017
wrote on December 22 2009 @ 01:45 pm: [report]
I’ll always say theres nothing like a cross country trip to lift the spirits.
buttercup
wrote on December 22 2009 @ 06:59 pm: [report]
I agree with Kiki. I went through the exact same thing last year. My ex decided that he had had enough of being in a relationship and broke up with me right before the holidays. I pretended everything was perfectly fine and celebrated the holidays with gusto. Come NYE, I kissed a boy and partied some more and then finally mustered enough courage to face the breakup.
Denial definitely helps you get through the holiday. You don’t want to be the moppy one who everyone wants to avoid.
shortcitygirl
wrote on December 22 2009 @ 10:18 pm: [report]
Good list, Wendy!
Still going through the trail-end of a break up… Did the haircut, mani/pedi, and am spending LOTS of time with my fam! His number is out of my phone and I’ve de-friended him on Facebook. Zero contact for over a month now - but I still miss him and it still hurts.
Holiday parties, here I come!
wiscbeachbum
wrote on December 23 2009 @ 11:51 pm: [report]
My soon to be ex, (legally) will be over tomorrow because of our son. He’s out holiday shopping. He left about 4 months ago. I lost my job (no business) and yet he has to say “oh you know how i am shopping at the last minute” It wouldn’t be so bad, but he tells me he still loves with me. We were actually separated for many years and got back together. Everything was fine until he moved in. The same old “a##hold was still inside of him. It makes me sick that it is so easy for him to act as though it’s not a big deal. well, to him it’s not. I’m sure he has another woman. I live in a rural community so I have chosen to stay home because I don’t want to see him with another woman. He comes over and for awhile we were still intimate because it was a “separation” I cry every day. I just wish I could get on with my life. My son has until the end of the school year and I’m out of this area. This is his hometown not mine. It would be easier if I had family but, my parents are both gone. And now, his family that I have had in my life for the last 20 plus years, I can’t even face because they probably know that he has someone new in his life. I totally opened up my heart to him, after he hurt me YEARS ago, and now I’m suffering. The loneliness is the hardest part. Does anyone have advice on how I can get over this guy ????
Cha_Bella
wrote on December 25 2009 @ 07:25 pm: [report]
@wiscbeachbum—I don’t think there are steps to get over this kind of loss however, I would like to pose somethings you make yourself aware of.
1. You are a special person. You mean the world to someone.
2.You should surround yourself with what it is your son needs, a mom who will be his strength and show him what a real woman does.
3. Fine, he had you for twenty years. Now he doesn’t, his loss.
If you continue to think about what you no longer have you are going to miss out on what you have now.
_jsw_
wrote on December 26 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]
@Cha_Bella: Well said. I’d also add that if she would continue to think about what she no longer has, she is going to miss out on what she can have in a future which will be better than if she had stayed with him.
I’ve had my heart broken a few times, and each time it seemed like my world had ended. Now, thinking about them, I remember them with fondness but there is no pain at all. Anyone who has been where you are, wiscbeachbum, knows that you’ll get over this pain after enough time has passed but that nothing can convince you of that now. But you will.
And then you’ll be ready to find someone you deserve, not someone like him.
twinkle11212
wrote on December 28 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]
So, I was dating this guy for a few months and on Dec 21, he told me he still had feelings for his ex. Lovely. I came across this article and thought it would help but…
Hanging out with family and doing traditional things are obnoxious when everyone shows up with their significant others. Making a thankful list doesn’t change the fact that you’re alone. I have a great job, nice apartment, large bank account and no one to enjoy holidays with.
Giving unto others does not erase heartache. I feel momentarily good but guess what? I come home alone at the end of the day. I pampered myself but really I pamper myself year round so this didn’t help much. It’s already a part of my routine.
Holiday parties? All of my friends are in relationships! ALL. I will definitely be avoiding the man that led me on, only to decide to run back to his ex for the holidays. Clearly I’m bitter.
Cha_Bella
wrote on January 2 2010 @ 10:43 pm: [report]
@twinkle112112- I am sorry you had to go through that. Especially since it seems that, not only are you doing that alone but also you seem to have lost a significant part of your life.
I pose to you the possibility that maybe you were into him because everyone else had their someone and you didn’t want to be left out. You wanted to share that special inside joke with him, you wanted to not feel isolated especially at a time when people are suppose to be coming together. Maybe at some other time and place you slowly come to understand that maybe your life is good without having to share it with someone.
From the sound of things, you don’t mention him so much as you mention all the things you have to deal with alone. Its nice to have someone around but if you aren’t too concerned with them so much as your own situation you are going to miss out on those signs that let you see that he was trying to get over his ex. Maybe…
wiscbeachbum
wrote on January 12 2010 @ 06:53 am: [report]
Thanks for the comments and advice !
Now it’s a new year. It didn’t start out good. I found out the truth. And you are right. I’m not wasting my time on this man anymore. He is not a good person. And I know that now. Time, and it doesn’t help that I’m not working. I’m hoping I will find a job soon. I will.
And I want to enjoy this time with my son. He knew i was upset last night and he just came and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I am so lucky to have an 18 yr old that knows right from wrong. He treats his gf with respect and someday I will get to enjoy his children at the Holidays. My soon to be ex will be lonely and broke. It’s all about Karma. These can be the best years of my life and it’s time to heal me then I will be ready for a healthy relationship. That’s where women like me go wrong. I’m smarter than I was 18 years ago. And no one deserves to be spit on and pushed around. I’m praying…I’m not religious but it can’t hurt. (LOL) Everything happens for a reason and I needed closure fm/ him. He doesn’t deserve me or my son. So thank-you Happy New Year and to good health and happiness for everyone that deserves it !!!!
Cha_Bella
wrote on January 13 2010 @ 12:37 am: [report]
@wiscbeachbum- Best of luck to you! I will keep you in my thoughts/prayers.
Best song ever for this situation “Karma”
Oh Miss Keys…
wiscbeachbum
wrote on January 16 2010 @ 02:30 am: [report]
Thanks for the thoughts/prayers. Christmas came and went and I found out some things that proved I was right for feeling something was going on all along. Yes, he was stringing me along lying to me while “cheatin’but oh well, I’m getting better. I recommend this book to anyone that is going through a divorce, it was written by two doctors , Dr Bruce Fisher and Dr Rober Alberti , Third Edition, REBUILDING, When Your Relationship Ends - I learned he was “stringing” me along to ease his feelings of guilt. Another cute little hint it had to help you make feel good about yourself, was putting positive little notes around your home or apt (in my case I made a list of 20 good thing about myself) This really helped tremendously. Even simple things. Then, you start doing something positive for yourself everday, something as simple as getting out of my sweats everyday. Slowly but surely, I am sure 2010 I will be a more positive, groomed and happier woman. Good luck to anyone going thru the same thing as me. Love yourself !! Because we deserve so much more than a cheater, lying, selfish immature man !! Looking forward to a much happier year and a happier me !! And I will get to enjoy my son’s graduation from highschool and his first college year and he will be starting player on the college team. YEAH !!!!!