7 Excuses For Getting Out Of Anal Sex

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 12:25 pm: [report]

I will take this article as cute and not serious. I say why dont you talk about it and establish it as a couple beforehand and tell him the real deal if you dont like it. If he turns immature or doesnt accept it then chances are he’s a jerk anyways. Tell him the truth and thatll tell you a lot about him.

jadeycakes
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 12:54 pm: [report]

Haha, number 5 has to be the best…

Erin G
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 01:27 pm: [report]

@EastCoastMale: Some guys get like little kids in the candy aisle…its not like they’re not taking “no” as an answer in a sexual assult kinda way, but more like “pleeeaaaassseeee lemme do it!!” kinda way. Like you’re hurting their feelings if you don’t let ‘em.

And I love #5, that’s my fave

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 01:34 pm: [report]

Oh I know, I didnt mean assault but as in they keep pressing the issue or react childishly when you lay it out for them that your not interested. I think they use that whole pleading thing purposely and they know they will get a harsh reaction if they are telling rather than asking. I would venture to say they are preying on feelings and can guess thats how their partner may think, that the man will totally be upset or sad to the point in ruins the mood so some guys count on a partner giving in. Not that I know from experience but back when I used to care what guy friends thought before I realized they have the thought process of a waffle block, some of them at least. So I say tell them honestly, set emotional reactions on their part side, if they are understanding they will respect your decision.

shannac02
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 01:49 pm: [report]

“the thought process of a waffle block”... Well played, Sir.   I know this is all in good fun, but if your man respects you, then “no” should be enough said. 

Arty
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

“they have the thought process of a waffle block” —I should remember this.

Usually they’re not asking or begging so much as attempting to try without asking.  I’ve found that the best thing to do is just help them in sticking it into a different hole.  By the time it’s in there they’ve forgotten about the holey grail, at least for the time being.

betterthancosmo
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 02:41 pm: [report]

I always ask…“well, only if you let me put a dildo in yours, first”  ...works EVERY time.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

Hehe I didnt know my waffle block line would get so much attention lol.

Miss, good point. I think when it comes to acting childish in wanting and only being satisfied with one thing, its time to treat them like a child. Babies will cry and squirm all day long reaching for their blanket but jingle your keys a little and they’ll forget all about it.

Lynn
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 03:01 pm: [report]

“I can barely squeeze your gigantic horse-like penis into my tiny vagina, honey.” - HAHAHA that is fantastic.

betterthancosmo - HAHAHA to that as well

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 03:05 pm: [report]

Hehe, a good thought for an excuse but a flimsy one at that when it comes to the article. It is nice to have your ego stroked but I think some, possibly not all, can tell when a line is being fed to them for an alterior purpose. =)

Arty
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 04:32 pm: [report]

@East
Are guys really thinking that clearly when they’re naked with a naked women in the same room?

SanDiegoMark
wrote on December 16 2008 @ 04:35 pm: [report]

Maybe I’m weird or something, but, last time I checked, I’m a guy, and I have absolutely no desire to plow someone’s chocolate tunnel. I love a cute butt, but it’s whats in front that gets my attention (and fingers and kisses too).

DancerNinja
wrote on December 17 2008 @ 08:51 am: [report]

I’ve never had a guy ask for or try for the rear entry. I HAVE had guy exclaim distaste for the idea. And if some guy did want to do that, I’d let him know (1) then I get free access to his with the dildo and (2) once that thing goes in the poop shoot, it ain’t going anywhere NEAR my mouth again.

Beckie23
wrote on December 17 2008 @ 09:40 pm: [report]

‘betterthancosmo’ I’m with you on that one!  I’ve been told numerously how pleasurable it can be.  Well, I’ve faked it many times with the p-in-v old school sex, so why haven’t others with the backdoor version.  So if he can get pleasure first (like he always wants) with the magical dildo, then perhaps I’ll be game.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 09:50 am: [report]

@miss
I cant speak for all guys, some may be like “gee wizz wally a naked girl, what should I do, ask her to an ice cream social?” and lose their whole mental process. I however definitely have heard of several instances but never experienced myself, that line being told to guys I know, be it for excuse reasons or out of truthfullness. In a guy setting we chuckle about it because it is so thinly disguised. So to answer the question I would say yes, some men are thinking just as clearly being around a naked woman, contrary popular belief we dont turn into beings that just like shiny things and go oo and ahh lol. (not that you were suggesting it, just saying)

TampaGuitarGuy73
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 10:39 am: [report]

This article makes me want to stay single. We all know women have the upper hand but this site is like a bully who shoves your nose in the dirt every day. Men have to perform and achieve the goal every time, if men do not then they get the heeve ho or etc. Women just have to show up. I know you have have to prepare for 2 hours before you go out, but we pay for everything and all our good work in the relationship can be ruined by one ill comment or action, yet women want free arena to do and say whatever with no conquences. Think the line from “As Good As It Gets” by Jack Nicholson. The woman behind the desk of his publisher ask Jack how he can write women so well. Jack answers ” I think of a man then I take away accountability and reason”. And as far as reason number# 5. I’m okay with the size of my member but for all those guys who are short-changed. It’s not like they decided they wanted to be small. It’s not like working out where you can be big if you stick with it. How about boob jobs? Millions of women are unhappy with their chests and for about $1,500 and up you can fix the problem.

shannac02
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 10:43 am: [report]

Yes. Women only have to show up… and lay there. WOW.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 10:59 am: [report]

Tampa
I cant disagree with a couple of your points more. The first would be that women just have to show up. If a woman is just showing up and nothing else then I would say there is definitely something wrong. Sex should be an action of two willing participants that show some enthusiasm and both get some enjoyment out of it. I don’ consider this a time where all a woman does is ALLOW you to have sex, like its some great reward lol. Additionally, I wouldn’t agree that women have the “upper hand” so to speak in the bedroom, only if you fall into that line of thinking before would I say that is true. Society may tell you otherwise true, men don’t have as good a fashion sense, should be grateful for any sex they have and so on. There should be a give and take as far as aspects of a relationship go, financially or otherwise, in my opinion. Lastly, if you have ever gone alone with a relationship where a woman could say absolutely anything and have no consequences I feel bad for ya. If either side, man or women, is out of line in a relationship, the other half should express their feelings and not get walked all over. This is all my opinion of course.

TampaGuitarGuy73
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 02:35 pm: [report]

You both kinda missed my point on the “showing up” part. I wasn’t just talking about sex. I was moslty picking on #5 reason and all the comments left behind by women about guy’s peniss’. And East Coast sorry but women cam be moddy, change their mind, say dumb stuff, text late at night to other people, and a whole list of other things and the guy is supposed to just go with it but godforbid you do the same. I know relationships are 2 way streets but only if women can go both ways(not meaning in a gay way). Mind reader I am not, perseptive yes, psychic no.

dr.reddy
wrote on December 18 2008 @ 10:09 pm: [report]

Vagina is the new Penis

VioletZebra
wrote on December 19 2008 @ 01:33 pm: [report]

i just keep telling him never gonna happen but, there’s always that mysterious night i was wasted and i let him…so he thinks there is ALWAYS hope ...WOOPS

One time he tried mid-sex and i was like HEY get away from there and from now on I call him the butt burgalar haha

VioletZebra
wrote on December 19 2008 @ 01:35 pm: [report]

oh and yes I’ve tried that ” let me stick a big dildo in yours first and then you can have anal sex with me”

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 19 2008 @ 01:55 pm: [report]

Violet
I think that is one of the pitfalls with this particular issue. I personally cant understand how some guys are so persistent, but anyway. If you let them do it once either because your not in the right frame of mind or you feel bad for them, maybe you think they feelings are deeply hurt because they act all pouty after telling them no; they will take that one instance you let them and use it as a springboard to keep pushing their luck. I was going to use a stray cat comparison but here I think it’s more “you give them an inch and they’ll take a mile” =)

Plus, I wanted to ask, would that really work about teh whole dildo thing? Not specifically directed at you violet but I have heard others say it here. If you are totally against anal and said that and he magically accepted, would you keep to the deal or even he he let you go through with it, would you have no problems receiving after that? I get it as a deterrent so he’ll stop asking, just curious what if a guy accepted, would it change how you felt about anal anyways?

VioletZebra
wrote on December 19 2008 @ 02:33 pm: [report]

The thing is, most guys would NEVER agree to that…therefore i wouldn’t have to hold up my end of the bargin….and if they did agree to it, they would experience pain and that would be the end of it…

naughtsosweet
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 06:42 pm: [report]

I’m pretty sure if I used that “I will if you will” line on a guy and he agreed!  I’d be super excited and roll with it and see how it turned out and if he did it I sure would too!  I’m sure I’d be really excited about the way he felt we should pursue our interests in a mutually experimental way and trust each other and open up.

AndroidBoy420
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 09:07 pm: [report]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess everybody here is single.  If you’ve been married a few years then you already know this.  If not, then grab a seat kid…
One day, if you’re lucky, you might meet someone very special.  You might decide to spend the rest of your life with that person.  That’s going to require something called “give and take”.  I know that’s not a popular idea these days, but it’s a price you’re going to have to pay.  I’m not even talking about fudge-packing yet.  You might have to hold the bedpan for your wife when she’s giving birth.  That’s when she drops a big-ol’ soft serve deuce right on your hand.  Then the fun really starts. **A baby comes out of her vagina!**  (I hear that hurts…been told it makes anal seem like a walk in the park.)  Then, sometime in the future, your little pride and joy is going to take a big crap on you.  You might get peed on, but vomit is definitely in your future.  Bleeding may also happen.  They’re going to look to you to fix that.
Get the picture?  During the course of your life you will most probably get to meet every body fluid and orifice in a most intimate way.  Sometime after that you die.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  The thing is, with all that staring you down, how important is the poo puppy?  If you REALLY want it, get pegged first.  If the lady was rough with me, she’d get it rough right back.  If however, she were gentle, and did me the way she wanted to be done, then I would reciprocate in kind.  See ladies, I advise against setting up a precident that you couldn’t see through to it’s logical conclusion.  I suggest that over the course of a lifetime, you might change your mind.  Hell, I never thought I’d eat ass, but here I am with Hershey syrup all over my face and ya know what?  I can’t believe I hesitated.

onwardbob
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 10:35 pm: [report]

Wow now, that’s about the hardest I’ve laughed, well all day. Really, it was a hoot, thanks.

EastCoastMale
wrote on December 22 2008 @ 08:17 am: [report]

Wow….android, spoken like a true..nvm =)

DFWJohn
wrote on December 22 2008 @ 12:43 pm: [report]

You always want what you can’t have or is difficult to get.

VioletZebra - agree telling a man he’s got to take a big thick dildo in his if he wants to get up in yours is fair play. (Even if he’s not #5 LOL)

Never had it done to me - will say if I *wanted* it bad enough I’d go for it.

“Do unto others…”  and “No pain, no gain!!”

Carmen
wrote on December 22 2008 @ 08:22 pm: [report]

Why do you need an excuse to avoid any sort of personal contact you don’t want?

I had a fellow once inquire why I didn’t want to have sex with him.  My answer?  “That’s like asking why I like the color purple.  Do I need a note from my mother?”  Exit right.

Honestly, why even bother with a person who feels entitled to an explanation or excuse?

“No, I don’t want to” is sufficient.  If it’s not, hand over the note from Mom saying you are entitled to make your own decisions.  Then leave.

Carmen
wrote on December 22 2008 @ 08:45 pm: [report]

Sure, if you want to please - why, bless you, go right ahead!

But if you just don’t want to do that particular thing (whatever it is), you don’t need a note from your mother to bolster your refusal.  Or a list of excuses.  It’s enough to say you don’t want to.

Where I come from, “No” means “No”, not “Maybe” or “Badger me and I’ll give in”.

Pestering a woman for something she doesn’t want to give is high-schoolish.  How much fun can it be if she doesn’t want to?

persia
wrote on December 22 2008 @ 10:43 pm: [report]

I’ve never tried it before, but I’m now excited to finally get in the game with my hubby (who’s been asking for it)!

DFWJohn
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 01:52 am: [report]

Hi Persia, I’m sure he’ll be equally excited - to put it mildly!! I hope it’s pleasurable for you both, my wife and I went slow, used a lot of lube, and waited until things relaxed and she had an earth quaking orgasm she said was so different from a vaginal/clitoral orgasm. The next time she held the world famous Hitachi wand on her clit and it was wild. How ‘bout an update after you’ve experienced it?

VioletZebra
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 07:52 am: [report]

Carmen- while you do make valid points…you’re a little off here… Most men and i say “MOST” will ask or suggest anal sex through out a relationship many many many times, and no matter how many times i say NO! NO WAY! NEVER! NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! ...they are dreamers and they always think that there is a chance somewhere, somehow that you might suddenly decide to change your mind…and they hold on to that small little hopeless chance because they are horny bastards with boatloads of unforfilled fantasies and they won’t give up on those kind of dreams!

SO, these 7 excuses of getting out of anal sex are simply ways of being more creative than just saying no for the 100th time and it’s definitely a more a amusing way to deal with the undying question “when are you gonna let me put it in your bum” hahaha

lisamclisa
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 08:34 am: [report]

I must say, I have anal sex on occasion and love it! The orgasm is extremely intense and completely satifying. I find I have to be in the right mood however (slutty and daring, not drunk or comatose). Because of needing to be in the right mood and frame of mind, I find that when he asks for it the answer is usually no because I’m caught off guard and not in the mood. I’m usually the one who asks for it during doggy style sex and the mood strikes. Also, as for asking him to take it in the booty with a toy? He’s been more than willing and we’ve both enjoyed it very much. I’m very gentle and slow and and use lots of lube to make it better. I either give him a b.j. at the same time or jack him off. He loves it! The dildo we use on him is pretty tiny though. His is actually friggin huge! Needless to say as much as I love it (and him) I’m glad I don’t want to do it ALL the time… with his large size I don’t want to have any accidental leakage later because he blew my O ring!

Caffeined
wrote on December 23 2008 @ 11:16 am: [report]

double dildo?

Carmen
wrote on December 26 2008 @ 05:28 pm: [report]

VioletZebra, I don’t think I’m at all off.  I also don’t think it’s likely you have enough experience to know what most men will do.

There are quite a few men (and women) who will respect limits.  If you want to involve yourself with the other kind, that’s up to you.  A man who repeatedly asks after you’ve made it clear you are not willing obviously doesn’t respect your limits or your right to stick to them.

I’m afraid I would rapidly lose patience (and interest) in a man who attempted to nag his way past my limits.

If a man is doing this to you and getting by with it, it could be you’ve got some boundary issues.

VioletZebra
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 09:22 am: [report]

Carmen- who are you to speak my experience with men?
I am a 32 year old woman and have plenty experience with relationships and many different types of men…I do speak from experience but you on the other hand sound very inexperienced…a prude in fact…who probably always plays it safe in life and never tries anything new/different…

You seem to be living in a fairytale land, your opinions seen very text book, totally black and white…wake up this topic is not about boundries and nobody said anything about constant nagging, its more like an every once in a while thing…and MOST men will ask every none and again because it’s like a gamble to them and maybe there ex use to give in to them alot or enjoyed it and requested it as well…either way men are like children at christmas with hope that they will receive everything they wished for…
and MOST men will keep wishing for anal no matter how many times they are rejected…just like some men will fantasize that their gf or wife might someday want to do a threesome or swing lol… just because they dream doesn’t mean it’s going to come true
And I don’t even know if you’re a woman or a man because you’re comments are very A-sexual and lack any sort of personality… I thknk you’re just stating a bunch of empty opinions rather than sharing a opinion with a life experience to back it up…cause lets face it all we know about you is that you seemto be a frigid, passionless person lacking any kind of insight into to this topic…you’d rather scold your one dimensional opinions upon us then speak from anykind of personal experience

Drea2up
wrote on December 31 2008 @ 11:22 pm: [report]

I would never enter into a relationship with a man who refuses to have anal sex with me.
I agree with you EastCoastMale it should be discussed and established as a couple beforehand.
My BF has almost no experience with anal sex, but thankfully he is willing to learn.
Reading some of these comments, now I realize why he has so little experience in that area! LOL!
Girls, the G-spot can be reached from the back door as well as from the front, so maybe you shouldn’t knock it till you try it.
Butt, faking it “many times with the p-in-v old school” GEEZ what is that all about?!
XOxo~Drea

bunnytrooper
wrote on January 1 2009 @ 07:20 pm: [report]

can I ask a silly question?

violet, why do you take it personally?

at first glance the article seemed like a cute list of excuses to get out of a situation, that a number (a lot or few, I do not know, for I am not all of them nor do I know them all)consider as unpleasant.

The fact that Carmen or any other lady that has tried and enjoyed anal (or is willing to give it a shot before condemning it) is pro anal, is not aimed at you.

Yes, you are a 32 yo lady that has had experience with numerous men, still though not all are one and the same. Maybe you just attracted those guys that liked anal THAT much and were diplomaticaly challenged. Yes, you have established that your belief on the matter is pretty much summed up in the words HELL NO, and you are willing to take the occasional teasing from your SO on the matter.

Now, before you start shooting me down with how inexperienced and silly I am, I should make it clear that you do not know me, and you do not know what I have or have not done, so please keep the experience part out, in a way it is kind of moot since there is no way for either of us to prove anything there without first hand info.

Also, calling me unemotional does not work either. One of the first lessons I took in college was how to write a a proper thesis (though this is definetely not one.) And the basic thing we learned is to keep things calm and non personal, unless we are aiming to evoke emotions and not offer and receive information which is the basis of a dialog. Passion, Violet, I keep for my actual life where people can actually feel and understand me without uttering a word.

Sex, is a fun game for two (or more)that can develop into something called making love when the emotions are there. Sex, like war, all bets are off, unless you clearly state that under no circumstances you are willing push your limits. Others like to push said limits, that does not make them evil (when it comes to sex, and even there though there are society rules that dictate what is and is not acceptable e.g. a sex act that includes 3 chains two german shepperds and a dead sheep -quoted-) 

Men, like us are like kids waiting for christmas. I long for christmas to get a Louis Vuitton bag, he might long for christmas to get anal according to your post. Did it ever occur to you that they might not even want it? but it has been imposed by the porn industry that it is trivial yet some women say no. Curiosity for most which escalates into something more, a personal triumph should they succeed.

Men, just like us have the freedom to fantasize whatever they want. I could include several I have gathered through the years from my own friends and some from yours trully, but you get the picture right? Does it make me evil to feel at ease with myself and my own sexual instincts? No, so long as I do not cross certain boundaries that make me dangerous to others.

To conclude, I prefer to know my lover’s fantasies and desires in order for me to compare to my own value set. That way I can either find a middle ground or just politely state “no”, should he insist my reply is something along the lines of “if that is so important to you, more than us, then go ahead and find someone that is willing and able, but not me” 

PS. you might read it as A-sexual, but keep in mind that by taking a position as a woman or a man gives out completely the wrong idea, that we (all) girls are against while (all) men are pro; while the arguement is no longer about us (women) and them (men), but pro-anal and against anal.

Scarlet Drawl
wrote on January 2 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

I just say…hey you know, people poop out of there. Would you like something rammed forcibly up your ass? If the answer is yes, then he may be the wrong guy for you. Just tell him it’s off limits and not to ask you anymore. If he truly respects you, he won’t care. Of course I’m from the south, and I know an abundance of men that aren’t even interested in it because it isn’t “natural.”  So I’ve lucked out quite a bit on not getting the back door broken down.

Carmen
wrote on February 17 2009 @ 03:50 am: [report]

VioletZebra,

I hate to bust your bubble, honey - but at 32 (my youngest child is older than you are!) you’re unlikely to be terribly experienced or to know what “most” men want.  And unless you want to volunteer for a panty check yourself, you’ve hardly got any standing for questioning anyone’s gender.

We were talking about getting out of anal sex.  You’re trying to change the subject to “Carmen is inexperienced, a prude, has no personality, may not even be a woman, and is frigid besides!”  You’re not attacking my ideas; you’re attacking me (and contradicting yourself by saying I’m frigid right after expressing your doubts of my womanhood).  That’s a tactic I outgrew before you were born.  If you’ve got an opinion on the subject, fire away.  If you’ve got an opinion about me, I sincerely do not care.

So back to the original subject:  If a man asks me for a particular thing, and I’m willing - then fine!  (or vice versa)  If he asks me for a particular thing, and I’m emphatically not willing - and particularly if I tell him it’s a hard limit - he’d be well advised not to ask again “once in awhile”, because I’ll conclude that he doesn’t respect my limits any more than the high-school boy who pressured me to go “all the way” when I wasn’t willing.

I did once tell a man who dearly wanted unprotected sex (and asked for it repeatedly), “I don’t object to a discussion of limits, but I’d prefer you didn’t start it by shoving your dick in my face.” 

If I change my mind, I’ll use my words to say so.  In the meantime, there are plenty of fun, consensual things to do.

So I do think this is about boundaries, very much so.  I find it bizarre and rather sad that any woman would feel she needed an excuse in order to refuse anal sex or anything else she didn’t want.

For me, “no” means no, “yes” means yes, and “maybe” means we can talk about it.  A man who doesn’t accept that is not a man I want in my life.

Carmen

lareinedeslames
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]

Okay. Let’s just chill for a second and look at it this way:

Women who absolutely do not want to have anal sex should not be made to feel guilty about it by their partners. however, that is something that needs to be discussed once a relationship becomes sexually monogamous. If you’re serious enough to agree not to see other people, then you need to discuss boundaries, or it’s just not a fair decision.

@tampaguitarguy: Really? Women do not “just show up.” You sound like a person who’s has multiple bad experiences with women, for which I am sorry. However, to infer from those experiences that ALL women put no effort into their relationships is absurd. And quoting a Jack Nicholson character as backup?

I hope we can discuss this issue without getting petty about it. Age does not define experience, and experience does not define maturity. Plenty of people make the same mistakes over and over and over again without learning, and plenty of people never experience things and still know what they want.

I appreciate the opinions here, but can we PLEASE just discuss the facts of the case, and not name-call?

lareinedeslames
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]

Also, granted that there is give and take in a healthy relationship, that really does need to go both ways. Saying that women who don’t want anal sex need to learn to “give” is a bit absurd. If a woman agrees to anal sex when she doesn’t particularly want it, then her SO should agree to do something that he/she doesn’t like, just out of fairness.

Or, and here’s an idea: You could get involved with someone who likes most of the same things you do. That’s what sexual chemistry is all about, isn’t it?

develange
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]

While this is all funny, why not just say…NO..

Most of the guys I dated pestered me for anal, but I never kicked them to the curb, because I was curious. Anal freaked me out and I didn’t understand how it was humanly possible, plus I always associated anal with porn stars.

I do agree with the “if you wanna put it in my butt, I get to put something in yours.” Some straight guys seem to think it makes you gay or somehow less manly if he likes things up there. I had one guy even say something across the lines that girls butts are supposed to have something in them. Ummm, ok.

If you really don’t want to do anal, have no curiosity or desire for it, then DON’T do it. I don’t think it’s something that should be done to please someone. It takes a lot of patience and relaxation…how can you do that if you don’t really want to do it in the first place? It should be at least be somewhat enjoyable for both partners. Just say NO. None of them damn excuses, or the guy is gonna think there is some glimmer of hope for the future.

LostInStars
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 07:54 pm: [report]

Telling my boyfriend, “I don’t want to.” made him hush up for several months until he absently brought it up again, again, I said, “I just really don’t want to.” He hasn’t tried to pressure me into it, for which I am thankful.

Frederica Bimble
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 06:00 am: [report]

Why is it usually the men who are lousy in bed who make these sorts of requests?  I have yet to have a passionate lover - and make no mistake, folks, I’ve had MANY - who even considers this.  Why?  Because he’s too busy in the moment, enjoying the spontaneity of the sexual experience, rather than trying to re-create some pointless action he saw in a porno movie.  Anatomy lesson:  Men have prostate glands and therefore, actually get something out of this act by the stimulation against the gland through the wall of the rectum.  Women do not.  The clitoris - which is the most nerve rich, sexually sensitive area for a woman is too far away for this action to have any sexual effect.  The “g-spot” is even placed too far away.  If a woman says she likes it, she is either (a) denying herself pleasure for the sake of her partner, (b) may feel slight pleasure due to the rush of blood in the pelvic area or (c) has convinced herself that it “feels” good because she is not connected (mind and body) with the sexual experience.
Also, if one does watch a porno or two, note the orgasm (real ones) come from clitoral stimulation and NOT from penetration.  Porno has a lot to answer for.  Why?  Not necessarily for the “moral” reasons but for teaching men how to be lousy in bed.  There’s a generation of men who actually believe that just by sticking something into a woman’s anus, she will start writing and having a mind-blowing orgasm.  Not on this planet, boys. 
Also, here’s a hint for you, boys (I don’t address the ones who are into this as men because I think the whole thing is quite juvenile, indeed) if a woman can actually form a sentence, then she has NOT had an orgasm.  If she’s going on with the “yeah, baby, yeahs” - she’s NOT having an orgasm.  How to tell? Rapid breathing and not being able to talk.  The toes may curl as well.  Gee, they’re much like male orgasms.  The tension, the worrying (especially if you’ve had to “talk her into it” - and, by the way, that is something boys do, not men) the lack of any real pleasure will not produce an orgasm in the female body.

So, where does this leave you as men (boys)? If you are comfortable performing a sex act on another human being whom you’ve just had to “talk into it” and you now know they are getting very little pleasure the act and most likely WILL be faking that orgasm, you can now decide whether it is something you’d like to do.  I does, indeed, fall under the heading of how much you care about your partner.  Besides, there are plenty of gay men who are more than willing to give it up for you and because of the presence of the prostate gland, will truly get off on the experience. 
As my gay, male best friend always says:  “straight men are just a couple of drinks away from being gay.”

brandyalexander
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 07:38 am: [report]

“by sticking something into a woman’s anus, she will start writing”
oh, is that what keeps us writing?
but frederika, keep in mind plenty of women actually do like anal, and its not because they are brainwashed.  Its just a personal preference.  When its practiced in a committed relationship by people who are comfortable with that part of their anatomy, and no one is being pressured, then it can be fantastic…

develange
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 08:33 am: [report]

at brandyalexander: agreed. your ass does have nerve endings. And while it may not lead to orgasm, it can still feel nice. Your anus is pretty close to your vagina, so even if you don’t want or like penetration, there can be some enjoyment in stimulating the outside or just the first inner inch. I’m sure men who like peen and objects up their ass aren’t just doing it for the prostate.

I DO agree that people take way to many cues from porn, especially with the orgasm from a huge penis pounding away. But, some women do have orgasms from penetration alone (or so I hear, even from Frisky readers!) However, if you are doing anal, it’s not going to just “slip in,” as it seems to do in porn…there is preparation and tons of lube involved. But, yeah, maybe for some people it does just slip in.

Gingee
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 01:22 pm: [report]

Why not tell the dude that he gets to experience it, and arrange for him to have sex with a horse while you videotape it.

He has NO reason to object; if he wants to do that to you, he gets to know what it feels like.

After he’s been penetrated by a horse penis, you get to show the video to everyone and make some money off of his pleasure.

One guy told me what he was going to do to me and it included anal, oral and having me ingest that. Fine, I said, only first he gets to take it up the ass by a stallion, and it will be filmed, and shown to everyone.

He has yet to volunteer to be serviced by the horse or horses.

Women, just say no.

Drea2up
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 01:29 am: [report]

Bimble,
Everybody is built slightly different and some women really do orgasm from penetration through the back door. You can reach the G-Spot that way.
All that’s important is make sure you know what you want and expect out of your relationships and only do what you’re comfortable with.

HDS1963
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 07:16 am: [report]

I guess I musts be kind of lucky here because my girlfriend absolutely loves anal and demands (yes, that is the right word) it on a regular basis…

bettyboo
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]

Frederica Bimble - just correcting your anatomy, the clitoris is a much larger organ than it appears, comparable in size if not shape to the penis just extending into the abdomen around the vagina. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Clitoris_inner_anatomy.gif
given the proximity of all the different tubes+organs down there, there is no reason why anal sex wouldn’t stimulate clitoral tissue..  Personally, i love anal because it feels like he’s somehow stimulating my clitoris from the inside which feels absolutely wonderful and is actually the method from which i’m most likely to come.. :0) I used to be in the ‘I’ll never do that’ camp after a very bad experience with a boyfriend who nagged and blackmailed me into trying it, so i would say, to girls facing that, stick to yours guns, as you’ll never enjoy it from that beginning.. BUT if you find a guy who’s patient and loving and respectful (mine spent years working up to it, starting with just stroking during oral and introducing the idea in fantasies very gradually until i was as excited by it too) then it can be a very, very satisfying experience :o)

Drea2up
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]

Awesome contribution bettyboo!
You covered all the bases…Thank YOU!
XOxo~D

Deborrah
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 02:03 am: [report]

I disagree totally. There is no reason a woman needs an “excuse” to tell a man NO! when it concerns anything to do with her body. No! MEANS NO!

There is absolutely, positively nothing that a woman needs to add to that to frost it over, flavor it and make it tasty for him. Excuse making is the powerless timid approach taken by a woman too fearful to be direct. I don’t understand the hesitation to be very clear, very firm and very direct with men about anything.

Lastly, my personal belief is that self-proclaimed heterosexual men that press for anal sex with women are actually bisexual or even gay but haven’t accepted that fact about themselves yet. Women have an area of their bodies designed for sex, and that ain’t it, though it is an area of the body frequently used for that purpose in male/male sex.

divorcedman
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

“Lastly, my personal belief is that self-proclaimed heterosexual men that press for anal sex with women are actually bisexual or even gay but haven’t accepted that fact about themselves yet. Women have an area of their bodies designed for sex, and that ain’t it, though it is an area of the body frequently used for that purpose in male/male sex.”

Wow.  You’ve got some…er…“interesting” ideas there.

I guess no oral sex from you, either, huh?

SamL
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]

Would that be your girlfriend the sex doll, TheRon?

SamL
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 04:38 pm: [report]

Well actually, now you come to mention it, it’s the guys that seem to like getting screwed in the a$$.... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1218010/How-sexy-Susie-sprang-room-key-sting-amorous-Tories.html

Psych-chick
wrote on October 11 2009 @ 01:51 am: [report]

So…. I guess I don’t understand what a lot of the fuss is here, but I thought I’d weigh in since I’m pretty much in the middle.  I’ve “been” with (ahem) a few guys, and the subject of anal sex was never brought up, by me or any of them.  I’ve really not sure what I would have done if anyone had brought it up.  A year or so after I got married, I brought it up to my husband, for the sake of expanding our sexual horizons, and partly just to have tried it.  Well, we tried it, and it was uncomfortable/painful for me, and “weird” for him.  We haven’t done it since.  Just doesn’t ‘float our boat’, but at least we tried it.  Some people just don’t like some things, like the guy I dated once who actually disliked receiving oral sex, but loved to give it.  That was nice.

rivetgeek
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]

I have the opposite problem - my gf wants to have anal sex and I’m not comfortable with it. Her reasoning is that she would do (and has done, with other people) many things she was uncomfortable with in order to satisfy her partner and I should be the same way if I really care about her. My reasoning is that her reasoning is incredibly flawed (“I did a lot of stuff I didn’t like with someone else so you should be willing to do something you don’t like with me”) and we have a lot of other ways to please each other without my penis getting anywhere near her colon.