A 56-Year-Old Virgin!
Posted by: Olivia Allin
Filed in:
news
4:50PM, Tuesday September 22nd 2009
Last week, a retired school teacher named Deborah Parish came before the Texas Board of Education to argue for sex education in schools. “Kids are not ready to be parents, nor are they ready to have AIDS,” she said. I don’t think anyone’s ever ready to have AIDS, but that’s besides the point. “I don’t think any of these people know you can have sexual satisfaction without taking your clothes off,” she said. “OK, embarrassment, I’m 56 years old and I’m a virgin ... technically.” A few minutes later, Deborah was interrupted and told that she had arrived to the hearing a day late for that particular topic. The Board was currently discussing physical education and alcohol awareness. [Gawker] — Awwwwkard.
Deborah taught in Texas public schools for 25 years. During her speech, she said that although she’d had sexual education, she was still unclear on a few things. “What is chlamydia anyway? I’ve never heard of chlamydia,” she ranted. “Every student [should] be asked to write down ‘What would it take you to wait to have sexual intercourse until you graduate from high school?’” I think the board might have enjoyed Deborah’s opinions over some of the other topics discussed in the meeting, including “the removal of Christmas” from schools and whether they should include Newt Gingrich in history textbooks. [TPM]
I agree with Deborah’s stance that sexual education is 100 percent necessary in schools, but her cringe-worthy confession wasn’t exactly helpful in making her point. Not that virgins shouldn’t be permitted to talk about sex, but does anyone agree that sexual satisfaction can be found fully clothed? I like dry-humping as much as the next lady but I definitely had no idea what sexual satisfaction meant until I’d racked up some reward miles on my v-card. And what does it mean to be “technically” a virgin? Is she going with the popular Catholic school definition where anal and oral sex don’t count? Mostly though, I feel bad for Deborah. Not only for her embarrassment in real life, but also for the subsequent internet swarming, because her heart was in the right place ... her mouth was just running late.
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brandyalexander
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 03:52 pm: [report]
Holy sh*t… this poor, poor woman.
Squidtermz
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
Poor Woman? phht… she doesnt have kids… she shouldnt be talking about how children should be raised. Because 1. She doesnt know anything about raising kids… 2. She doesnt know anything about raising kids… 3. She doesnt know anything about raising kids… and further more… She doesnt know anything about raising kids…
Keesh Mia
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:17 pm: [report]
We need to guide her to a happier place in life.
lea322
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:19 pm: [report]
@Squidtermz: Well, she TAUGHT kids for 25 years, so she’s probably not completely ignorant on the subject of their education.
*sam*
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]
@squid: that’s not a very fair thing to say. You don’t have to have kids to have ideas about how they should be raised. She’s a teacher, and I would wager a very good amount of money that they have an EXCELLENT idea about how to raise children. Honestly, your comment is very ignorant in that you assume only parents know how to raise children. How many parents have you seen that didn’t have a clue?
Squidtermz
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:25 pm: [report]
@sam You’re so right. I am so wrong. But please, ... join me in laughing :D
Also, just cuz yer a teacher doesnt mean you have dealt with changing diapers, nagging at 3am, training wheels, the birds and the bees, etc. etc. But I digest… mmm yummy.
lea322
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]
Also, I think it’s really condescending for people to say she’s a “poor woman” and that “we need to guide her to a happier place in life.” She is an adult woman making a choice about her body. If she wanted to make a different choice for herself, by this time in her life I think she would have.
Squidtermz
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:30 pm: [report]
I dont think we were saying she’s made a bad choice in life… and I cant speak for @Keesh, but just the fact that she debated a topic on the wrong day, is unfortunate.
lea322
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]
@Spuid: haha Yes, that would definitely be embarrassing, no matter what the topic was!
effing hickster
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 05:36 pm: [report]
@lea322: I think Keesh Mia means out of the hellhole of worldwide embarrassment.
lea322
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 06:30 pm: [report]
haha I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion about the other posts. Really. I guess now it’s my turn to be embarrassed!
effing hickster
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 07:34 pm: [report]
It would really suck to be her though. I can relate.
SamL
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 02:42 am: [report]
What’s that expression about sh!t happening….
BlueVibe
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:26 am: [report]
Plenty of parents don’t seem to know much about raising kids, either. Changing their diapers and feeding them is just the basic stuff—I can bet that a teacher with 25 years’ experience has dealt with enough kids and parents to have at least some good advice. After all, she sees those kids when they’re not kissing up to Mom and Dad.
CarSue2404
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]
I understand that she probably does know what she’s talking about…she’s a teacher, she’s got experience (granted, not really life experience) but work experience none the less.
But how embarrassing!!!! That was just too much information!!!!
retro chic
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:50 am: [report]
Better “Awwwwkard” than hypocritical, no, Olivia? Frisky claims support for feminism and sex education, but disses someone who is *trying* to implement sex education but is negated by her faux pas?
For a site with no walls there are plenty of corners its mouth talks out of. I’m not so concerned about what place her heart is in, as where some of the heads are. More articles consistent with the site’s message and mission, please.
effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 04:25 pm: [report]
Well, with this going viral, the poor lady’s gonna have a hard time getting laid now.
effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 06:40 pm: [report]
You sound like a prime candidate for the MacArthur Fellowship yourself, moodymint.
effing hickster
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 07:09 pm: [report]
I’d hate to make you unhappy.