50 Questions For Men We Want Answered ASAP

Esquire, the magazine for men who are past the meathead stage, has just launched their first “Survey Of The American Woman” and they are in desperate need of women like you, Frisky readers, to chime in. So what’s in it for you, besides dropping some knowledge? The magazine will donate $1 to the Haiti Relief Fund for every woman who takes the survey, which is pretty awesome. According to our gal pals at Lemondrop, the fellas really want to know how much we really know about cars, whether we’ve been to strip clubs, and what our opinions are on social issues. In other words, a variety of stuff—so go help ‘em out, won’t you?

In the meantime, we have some very important questions of our own. This isn’t an actual formal survey, but our male Frisky readers should feel free to enlighten us. Here are 50 questions for men (from women) we want answered ASAP…

1. Did you really think those Super Bowl ads were funny?
2. Why do you take so long pooping?
3. Why do you cup your balls so much?
4. Bar soap or body wash?
5. Why ask for my number if you’re not going to actually call?
6. Why the mindset that being in a long-term relationship is the end of fun?
7. Why are you so convinced that sex is so much more important for you than it is for women?
8. Do you ever fake orgasms?
9. Is there such a thing as “too slutty”?
10. What percentage of your female friends do you want to sleep with?
11. Have you cheated? How often?
12. Why do you always seem to be drawn to women who are dramatic?
13. Hypothetically speaking, do you remember what I was wearing when we first met?
14. How often do you look at porn when your girlfriend isn’t home?
15. What is going through your head when we’re annoyed with you?
16. Do you actually notice when it’s laundry day and we’re wearing old/unattractive panties or do they all look kinda the same to you?
17. Seriously, isn’t watching six straight hours of football a bit too much?
18. Why do you continue to eat spicy foods if it only makes you feel sick?
19. What makes you think we will go see movies with guns/bombs/explosions if you will not go see rom-coms with us?
20. If your mother started an argument with me, whose side would you be on?
21. What do you have against special facial cleansers?
22. What does it feel like when you fall in love?
23. What are you really thinking during sex?
24. What is the one thing you wish girls did in bed that they never do?
25. What do dudes talk about when they are alone?
26. Why do you just disappear? If you don’t want to keep dating me, why not just say something?
27. Why won’t you just buy a new pair of shoes?
28. Why won’t you ask for directions?
29. What are your expectations of a romantic partner?
30. Why do you enjoy video games so much?
31. Why don’t you ever change the toilet paper roll?
32. Do you hate it when we ask you to kill the bugs or does it secretly make you feel kind of macho?
33. Have you ever slept with a prostitute?
34. What is my favorite flower? C’mon, surely you’ve been listening.
35. Do you really like the way we taste down there?
36. If she cheated on you, would you take her back and try to save the relationship? If not, would you expect the same from her?
37. Do you have a hard time if she’s more successful financially?
38. If a woman gives birth, do you have a hard time seeing her as a sexual partner?
39. Why do you want to stick it in our butt so much? Don’t you think about poo?
40. If you were with a woman who never let you near her butt, would you be cool with that?
41. What’s worse: Marriage or loneliness?
42. Do you care if they’re real boobs or fakes?
43. Do you secretly wish we were virgins the first time we slept with you?
44. What does being kicked in the balls really feel like?
45. What do you think about when you’re going down on us?
46. Does your mom really like me? Do you care?
47. How was your first cunnilingus experience?
48. Have you ever fantasized about one of my friends? A guy?
49. Does your dick feel like a dangling appendage when you run?
50. Have you ever considered milking the prostate? I’ve heard it’s the jam!

Seriously, help Esquire and Haiti out by taking the mag’s “Survey Of The American Woman.” One buck for every woman who takes the survey will be donated to the relief effort.