5 Things Men Buy To Make Us Think They’re Livin’ Large

There seems to be a direct correlation between how much a man spends on something and how big he wants the outside world to think his penis is.  These big-ticket items have to be noticeably large, suped up, and impressive—something to be showed off.  When men drop serious cash, it’s symbolically like they dropped their pants too. Here are the five things that men buy to make us think they have a big dick:

Sports Car: With that much horsepower, he feels like he’s hung like a horse.

Big Screen TV: Bigger is better.  Men are so visual (especially when it comes to sex.) They want to see everything in high def!

Barbecues: Grillin’ meat goes back to the caveman days. In these modern times, the giant fire pits are like the suburban equivalent of ritual virgin sacrifice.

Electronics It’s odd how metal machines can make a man pop wood. These high tech gadgets have a remote full of buttons they like to push.

Power Tools: From lawn mowers to chainsaws, when a man buys a top of the line tool he’s got one thing on his mind—raw power.  He can do unthinkable things with that drill in no time, even if it puts you a little in the hole.