40 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Turns 40

MlleJaguar
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]

Wow.  If this had been written by a man, I think I’d be slightly less offended.  Are you seriously defining a fulfilled 40 year old woman as having been married, cheated on hubby & divorcing him?  And this child that I’m supposed to have by now, will I be a better woman if it’s conceived out of wedlock?  Sorry guys, this is beneath you.

Queen Frostine
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]

I don’t think anyone deserves to be cheated on for the sake of personal exploration. Why would you AIM to lie, cheat and break someone’s heart? None of these things make you a better person.

simpleme
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]

Lame and lazy. Yesterday’s was kind of cool, today’s is just sad. Seriously, like turning 40 is some kind of downer? This is more like a list for “Before You’re 60” and exemplifies all the ridiculous “fears” of a woman turning 40. Try anal sex? Give up on thongs? Were you just fumbling for the list at that point?  I love that in the midst of completing this list, you add “Get custom fitted for a bra”... don’t forget “Buy Granny panties at same time”. Whoever wrote this must be 20-something and will be severely embarrassed to re-read it at 39.

Rose
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:24 am: [report]

I’m with the other commenters, many of these are just stupid.  20 is illegal, 23 and 38 aren’t really a choice you can make, having a baby certainly isn’t for everyone, getting divorced doesn’t strike me as being desirable for anyone.

GreenAura
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:28 am: [report]

Worst list ever.  Have an affair?  Write a novel?  Have a baby? Get diagnosed and survive?  What the hell kind of crap is that?  Once you hit 40, this should be the list:

1. Live the life you want

Done!

bethlynn00
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:29 am: [report]

I have to disagree with a lot of this list.  The 30 list was good, but this one kinda sucks…

1- Why?
4- No, I wouldn’t count this as a necessity.
9- Again, why? Paris is so overrated, should just be to travel someplace you really want to go, for me it would be Barcelona.
10-40 seems to be a bit old for this, I’m 27 and I’ve done this twice, well I’m still paying off the 2nd one. Same for 7 and 8!
14- I don’t like horses, they scare me and I think not getting on one is a good thing.
15- #&@$% mess, literally.  If you can avoid it, don’t go there! Having anal sex increases your risk of rectal cancer, what Farrah Fawcett died of.  Women don;t have a prostate to stimulate so we don;t get the same pleasure of anal as men, so skip it!
17- Why not adopt a baby, not all women are able to have children and many just don’t want to.
18-I think there are more than enough blogs, that every 30 something women shouldn’t be starting one on the countdown to 40 or whatever
26-Again, why? I wouldn’t recommend wasting money on this, especially if you’re not a watch person, like me.
32- Again another that we should a strive to skip, not work towards

JenArt
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]

Completely offensive on so very many levels.

Queen Frostine
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:37 am: [report]

GreenAura said it best.

Stop defining your life’s successes by other’s standards.

spatula
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]

uh, i disagree. how can you say every woman SHOULD get divorced? every woman SHOULD get diagnosed with something? SHOULD lose it all?

I get that you’re saying by that age you should be able to handle anything with grace and strength. But first of all, you could have made that ONE item, instead of the entire list. And why wish for negative experiences, just so you can overcome them? Totally ridiculous.

Riley
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]

41.  Get charged with murder of your husband, spend time in jail then realize he is still alive and seek out revenge knowing that you cannot be convicted again if you kill him.  Maybe you’ll meet Tommy Lee Jones as your parole officer and your ex-husband will be in Louisiana.

Valerie_Cherish
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]

This is the most ridiculous list I have ever seen.  What about those of us who are unable to have children?  What about those of us who are unable to get married to our partners because of restrictive laws.  What qualifies the writer to make such assumptions about what we should/should not be doing before the age of 40 anyway?  Is this a personal opinion of the writer, or is this “The Frisky’s” opinion.  I find it offensive and disappointing.

DancerNinja
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]

I’m glad I’m not the only one who scoffed at this. No matter the age, focus on living the one life you have with health, joy and on your own terms.

vtgirl1993
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]

I’m 37, which means I’m closer to 40 than most people commenting (or on this site), and I’m extremely glad I haven’t done 4, 15, 19, 32, 38, and 39. I would love to do 17 and 31, but as I haven’t found a reasonably decent man yet, I don’t think those two will happen. However, I tell myself that I’ve saved myself from a nasty divorce, which is fabulous! As for 23, I’ve lost my father, so I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. All in all, not a very good list.

SCRMOM
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:46 am: [report]

@GreenAura: I totally agree!

Nicaly
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]

most of this list is absurd although some of it is good to do at any point not necessarily by a certain age.

cali_candy
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]

it’s funny, my husband is turning 40 soon and I think he’s done everything on this list (except for the bra/thong ones)

retro chic
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]

My god! This reads like The Bucket List! Clearly this is written by an under 30… Is this what “preapocalyptic 40” looks likes like to you? Even if you had a terminal disease – like @GreenAura said, “Live the life you want!” Your best life and sexuality are just beginning after 30-35…

Yours Truly

One of Many Who Knows

minerva682
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 10:01 am: [report]

Susannah you should be ashamed of yourself for writing a list like this.  If this is the type of women you want to know when you are 40 then I feel very sad for you.

joyy
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]

Wow, this may just be the worst post yet on the Frisky.  Have a baby?  Get married?  Have an affair? Get divorced?  I don’t want to do any of that, ever. 

Buy a car?  Who, aside from insular New Yorkers, hasn’t bought a car by the time they turn 40?  Who has to make balancing their checkbook a goal to hit by the time they turn 40?  Effing pathetic.

SouthOC
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 10:32 am: [report]

I thought Advice Columns were supposed to help people…

Strong people are able to overcome tough situations, and many of life’s most important lessons come after making huge mistakes.  But to do them on purpose?  Reckless!

goofyjj
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]

I agree with the other commenters this is a HORRIBLE list.  have a baby?  get diagnosed and survive?  that is supposed to be a GOAL?  ARE YOU SERIOUS or is this supposed to be in The Onion?  Please tell me this is a joke or was written by a 14 year old boy

H. Blue
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

This list is awful.  Why should a woman get divorced?  Why can’t some of us (sadly, not me) have a happy marriage that lasts??  And why does every woman have to have a kid?  A lot of women don’t want babies. 
An affair?  A terrible disease/illness?  Lose it all?

Some of the items on the list are cute (and I’ve seen before) but honestly..  really?

Keesh Mia
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

I thought it’s a cute list. Gets me want to let my hair down and live a little.  Why not!  If I am going to turn 40, I want to feel like I tried stuff and I have lived for myself. I spend most of my days worrying about if I’ve given my kids and my family, my all but too little about if I’ve given to myself. This list tells me that I need to think about that. I think it’s a good list.

Lilypie
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]

While the post depressed the hell out of 37 year old me, the comments cheered me up - at least not everyone thinks 40 is the beginning of the end.

MusicVixen
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 11:42 am: [report]

I completely agree with everyone on here… this is a TERRIBLE list of things to do before 40.  I’m looking forward to turning 40! 
With age comes wisdom, adventure and more excitement.  I agree with GreenAura, live life the way you want.

cattgirl813
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]

I’m chronologically 42, but if having an affair, standing on my head, having a baby, buying a Rolex, or trying anal (none of which I’ve ever done) is the entrance fee, then I’m forever thirtysomething.  Woo-hoo!  And you can have my thongs when you pry them from my cold dead cheeks.

evelwood
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]

Wow, I’m glad that everyone here is voicing just what I was thinking while reading the “list”. How about just scratch it down to one:
Dont live your life based on someones dumb list or buy into someone else’s idea of what makes a “full life”

Shewolf68
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]

Just about the dumbest list of to-dos I have seen yet.
Buy a Rolex? Experience Umami…wtf? What a bunch of esoteric BS! The world doesn’t need another blog…even from me!

Half that list are things you hope to have not done by the age of forty and hopefully have safely avoided by the age of 40 as well.

Come on people…where is the editor?

scylla
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]

I have to assume this is some kind of weird Halloween joke.

Stellamira
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]

I have to assume this is some kind of weird Halloween joke.-scylla

Me, too. Have an affair? Seriously?

tattooed_redhead
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:36 pm: [report]

Why do I need to have a baby or change a diaper or buy a ridiculously expensive watch in order to be fulfilled enough to turn 40? Whatever.

majicksand
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:39 pm: [report]

I’m 36, and I’ve done all but 4 of the things on this list.  The affair was only a technicality since my first husband and I were separated and living in different states, but if you ask him, it counts.  I think when I get home I’m going to finally throw out the drawer full of thongs once and for all.

amandabear
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]

The 30 list was good, but I’m not a fan of this one at all. Every woman should get married and have a baby? Then have an affair and get divorced, presumably. Really?

writergirl
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]

I guess I have some things to do! My birthday is next week and I’ll be turning 37.  I have to have the affair soon, I think, so I can lose it all, get a divorce and wind up traveling alone.

Aida
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

Geez people. get a sense of humor and get off your high horses. Affair?! I’m so offended! whatever dude. Chances are if you are 40 and have been married for some time, your husband has already had at least one affair so why stand on such a moral ground? Obviously the point of the diagnose one is to SURVIVE. Everything usually, is not happily ever after, crappy things will happen to you by the time you’re 40, sorry to break it to you.

secretsquirrel
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

This list sucks!

How about these.  I’ll start the first 10.  I turn 40 in April.

1.  If you have a fantasy and were too scared to talk to your partner about it, speak up!

2.  Do a sleepover with your girlfriends one weekend (paint nails, do each others’ hair, drink vino and play truth or dare)

3.  If you have kids, let down your hair and play in the rain

4.  Instead of being a hunting/football/baseball widow for the 10th or 20th year in a row, go on a trip to Vegas one weekend

5.  Accept that it’s ok to ogle great looking 20 something men

6.  Buy at least one pair of ridiculously high heels and low cut shirt and make your partner take you out on a Night on the Town

7.  Get up and DANCE at the company Christmas party (not provocatively, but just DANCE)

8.  Stop worrying about whether your body is “good enough.”  Embrace your beauty

9.  If you’re single (like I am), don’t fear the “cougar” tag and date younger men.  It’s ok.  Really, it is.

10.  Start a profile here and comment.  Younger women might appreciate a few words of wisdom

prgirl
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]

Being well past 40, here’s my list:
1.  screw lists that tell you should do certain things before a certain age.
2. Just be yourself, live your life fully, and love a lot. And try not to needlessly hurt people while doing your thing.

just cause I have to put in my 2 cents…
I’m never trying anal sex, no matter what list it’s on. And even though I had a good divorce (still friends with my ex and his wife, 23 years later) there’s no way I’d recommend it. And why would I want anyone to lose someone close to them?  And have an affair—why?
These just hurt people—don’t go looking for it, hurt will happen to you, I promise!

Oreo
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 05:51 pm: [report]

Getting divorced and having an affair are regarded as ACCOMPLISHMENTS, or even necessary milestones (and let’s not forget to have a baby in there that you’ll past trust issues onto)?  This is absurd.

The only purpose I can think of for this list is to make people sick.

MondimNebel
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 06:02 pm: [report]

You should DEFINITELY have a kid(s) before 40- after, it’s a horrible thing to do to your body and generally is riskier for the baby too (rarely is Down’s Syndrome seen when mom is <40). If you choose to be a new mom after 40- adopt. And for your sanity’s sake, I’d recommend not a baby. I may only be in my 20s, but I work with kids and there is NO way I would recomend a lady have a baby after 40.

As for divorce, you shouldn’t do that no matter what your age. The only reasons I can think of at the moment for divorce are abuse or cheating. Especially abuse.

cadyms
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]

This is the worst article I have ever read on The Frisky, and there have been some questionable ones.

How old are you??? 

Only slightly stupid items:  write a novel (lovely if you’re a writer, not necessary if you are not); stand on your head (why?); learn to ride a horse (I tried it, kind of like it, but why a goal?); try anal sex (I think that’s a personal preference issue, not a goal).

Really stupid items:  get a divorce (painful, I’d NEVER recommend it purely as a goal to achieve); get a Rolex (what a waste, help somebody out if you’ve got that much extra dough); drive over 100 mph (reasonable only if you’re in a contained area and aren’t risking your life or someone else’s); have a baby (personal preference, definitely not a uniform goal - maybe something more along the lines of coming to peace with wherever you are on the baby/nonbaby path).

And finally:  get diagnosed and survive.  Lose someone close to you.  These things may (perhaps are even likely to) happen.  But this article is utterly enraging in that you would consider these goals.  Ask someone diagnosed with cancer if she’d recommend it as a goal for others.  Ask those of us who’ve lost someone if we consider that a goal.

This article makes me so mad I hardly know how to contain it, and I just can’t imagine what ill informed, uneducated, and completely naive individual would consider this worthy of posting anywhere but her private diary at 15 years of age.

I could really just spit.

cadyms
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 09:07 pm: [report]

OH, and have an affair. That can go with the article about how to be the other woman, etc., where the author claimed that having an affair didn’t make her a bad person and it was a grey area. 

Sleeping with someone without the knowledge of his/her/your significant other is hurtful, may be breaking vows, and is clearly breaking an agreement of some sort between the two (in word) committed partners (or the other partner would be told). 

A goal?  Of having an affair?  Of course, that could lead quite nicely to the attainment of the divorce goal.

fallonthecity
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 01:22 am: [report]

Wow.  This one’s beyond description.

Let me guess… the author is nowhere near 40?

majicksand
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:02 am: [report]

I think you guys are taking this way too seriously.  The examples in this article, in my opinion, are meant to be representative, metaphorical.  Does anyone remember that song that sounded like a commencement speech set to music?  Commonly known as “The Sunscreen Song”.  This list reminds me of that only more specific.  Do something reckless, do something that scares you, learn to survive, love, laugh, dream.

I really don’t think Susannah was suggesting that we should all get married, have babies, cheat on our husbands, and get divorced all while writing a book about battling cancer and dealing with a parent’s death in the south of France.

cadyms
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:09 am: [report]

@majicksand - While she may not have been suggesting that we should do all those things, that was the title of the article.  If she meant it metaphorically (e.g. have an affair as do something you never thought you’d do and find a way to repent and make peace regarding it), mentioning that would have been helpful.

As it was, she came of young, foolish, and with no moral sense.

And being that the son of a dear friend died suddenly a few days ago, the “lose someone you love” strikes me as utterly sickening.  I promise you, that was not on his goal list.

secretsquirrel
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:10 am: [report]

@majicksand The difference between this list and the previous one for the 30 yr marker is that the other one is fun and empowering.  Yes, women should have tools and an orgasm.  This one, no, women should not have a divorce or an affair before they turn 40.  That is not empowering.  That is bullsh*t.

majicksand
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:20 am: [report]

@cadyms:  I’m truly sorry for your loss (and your friend’s).  I’ve never lost a child that way, but I did lose my brother suddenly when I was 16 and saw what it did to my mom.  I would never wish that pain on anyone, and I understand why this article bothers you.  I agree that the article could have been better, but I don’t think Susannah meant any harm.

_jsw_
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:31 am: [report]

Say what you will about it, Carnival Cruise Lines will add this as a theme cruise next year.

I’m thinking I might try to be on the crew for it.

cadyms
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:41 am: [report]

@majicksand - I agree that Susannah meant no harm, and I’m right now feeling quite badly for a young woman who is probably in tears (at least I would be) over the response she’s received.

Here’s my question:  where are the editors in all this?  Who assigned this article to someone perhaps much too young to write it, and who allowed this article out the door?

I see articles on The Frisky A LOT where I wonder, where is the editor in this?

I’m guessing these authors, as young women in NYC writing for an online site, aren’t getting huge salaries.  Perhaps their editors aren’t getting much more.  But editing is needed here. 

If there’s a dynamic I’m incorrect about (quite likely), would an editor or staff member please discuss this? 

Finally, why do I keep reading The Frisky with the types of articles I see coming out?  Well, it used to be better. Bluntly, sometimes I like to read the really bad articles to my boyfriend. But I hope it gets better. I like the variety, and I think that variety matches my interests closely.

I think the motives are good, but the execution needs some help.

Claireific
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:41 am: [report]

Uhhh…

Well, having an affair is an EXCELLENT way to speed along that divorce we should supposedly all experience.

“39. Lose it all.
40. Win everything back.”

You know what would be more “grown up”? Having the emotional/financial wherewithal to hang on to your money/things/people you love/whatever the hell you’re talking about without losing everything in some dramatic flourish. This list reads like an outline for a bad chick lit novel. I know you’re an aspiring writer and all, but puhleeeeze.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:46 am: [report]

While this entire list is horrible, I think some of the other commenters thoroughly handled the most horrible parts, especially having an affair. 
But getting diagnosed?  Wait, what?  Lets stop treating cancer like its an inevitable rite of passage and start learning to prevent it.
Also, number one.  Write a novel?  Every woman?  Like there isn’t enough crap on the shelves at Barnes and Noble?
Oh, and buy a Rolex… awesome.  Eff Rolexes.  I might suggest, however, you find a watch you like and that works reliably, rather than promoting a greedy brand-obsessed culture.  I like my Bulova, and a Timex works just as well, too.

brandyalexander
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:49 am: [report]

And yeah, babies are optional…

joyy
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:49 am: [report]

@cadyms - blogging is apparently more about pageviews than content.  Think about it: writing terrible articles is WAY easier than writing good ones.  I mean, look how much attention this trainwreck is getting.

_jsw_
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]

Just for the record, Susannah Breslin is an accomplished writer and is not a 20-something unable to determine when something is inappropriate. After all of her years writing about, among other things, the porn industry, I doubt the replies here would have her in tears. Well, at least not tears of sadness.

Articles are published here for one main reason: to bring in page views and to get readers into the discussion, which further brings in more page views. The more controversial an article, the more comments and the more views. So, as Susannah and the editors know fully well, a to-do list with only safe things on it would not further the goals of the site.

However, as with the porn actors she’s written about, we can both know the reality of the situation and partake in it as well. Sure, the articles exist to bring in views - it’s a website, after all - but we can still enjoy discussing them. Just don’t take it too seriously. I don’t. Except, well, when the recycle the same articles. But even then, I’m fine after some coffee.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:57 am: [report]

Why can’t I write about porn?

secretsquirrel
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]

@jsw So basically, crappy writing that pisses off people is ok as long as they get “page views?”

That makes me sad because I like the writing of people like John DeVore and Amelia, but if the goal of this site is only to draw in people so they can comment on how bad an article is, I’ll find my reading material elsewhere.

Riley
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]

@Cheese - Because chronic masturbation and porn addiction doesn’t give you an unbiased opinion.

joyy
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]

@cheese - you can write about porn all you want.  whether or not anyone will (want to) read it is another thing =P

cadyms
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]

That’s worse than I imagined, jsw.  So writing good articles isn’t relevant, just bringing in page views?  And this woman is not 23 and just ignorant, but should know better?

I hope an editor weighs in here, b/c I will submit my page views to finish out this topic, but if I don’t hear otherwise I’ll go elsewhere.

One reader won’t matter, I know.  Maybe some other readers will leave if the quality doesn’t improve.

One hell of a model - terrible crap that ticks people off is worth more than real writing.  How sad is that?

Riley
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]

It is amazing that such sensitive people can still operate in today’s world.

What kind of life it must be to be offended by all of the little things, how is there time for anything fun or meaningful?

_jsw_
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]

As far as the page views are concerned:

I like this site. Sure, I go away on occasion, but I always come back. I like it because some of the articles are incredibly thought-provoking, others are fun, and some provide good places to vent. The main reason I like it, though, is the interaction provided by the comments. I’ve begged for forums, but those don’t seem to be coming anytime soon.

In order to pay for the staff needed to write the good articles and run the site, they need page views and advertising dollars, Thus, they need to keep people coming back. The staff is too small to write phenomenally engaging articles frequently enough to bring people back many times a day, so, yes, there are times when filler is required to keep the site active.

There are many articles that don’t live up to the standards the writers probably set for themselves when they decided to make writing a career. However, in the end, if the site doesn’t make money, they don’t have jobs, and so there will be a number of these pieces. It’s the nature of the beast.

The way to combat it isn’t to leave, because they will always draw new people in. The way to combat it is to favor the better articles with comments, to ignore the comment-bait ones (I clearly don’t follow my own advice) and to push for changes to improve the site.

labgeek
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:24 am: [report]

So I read the Before you’re 30 list & decided to read this list for fun (I’m only 25) and wow, is this the dumbest thing I’ve read this year. I’ve lost 2 uncles, 3 grandparents, a great-grandparent, and my father just died in January. Can I stop losing people I love, or do I have to lose another one when I’m 37? And while I love to read, I hate writing- why would writing a novel be essential to being 40. And the divorce? I’m trying to be the first in my family to get it right the first time!

Friends don’t let friends drink jagerbombs and write ridiculously stupid articles on the web.

fluffysue
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:33 am: [report]

Wow…so I have 4 years to get married, have a baby, have an affair, get divorced (is that the right order?), oh and get diagnosed (with what? I don’t care…I don’t want it whatever it is…) and to LOSE someone should be a goal??  OMG! If I was taking this seriously, I’d be slashing my wrists right about now.

Valerie_Cherish
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

http://www.lifecandy.net/2008/05/10-skills-every-woman-should-master.html

SouthOC
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]

Keepers on this list:

2. Stop feeling guilty. (do #5 first)

5. Forgive. (including yourself).

7. Fall in love. (if you’re already in love, enjoy it)

9. Go to Paris. (I’d rather go to Spain, but I’m feeling the travel thing).

13. Get a president elected.

16. Stop trying to figure out if you’re a feminist or not. (because you’ll go insane trying to figure it out from crazy lists).

21. Give ‘til it hurts. (to those who cannot give back).

22. Earn a degree.

23. Lose someone close to you. (obviously not a goal, but it changes you).

24. Be scared s**tless and do it anyway.

25. Accept the ravages of gravity.

29. Quit a job you hate. (do # 30 first, being broke blows).

30. Start a job you love.

34. Visit three continents not including your own.

35. Balance a checkbook.

pragmatryst
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

@_jsw_ The way to combat it is to favor the better articles with comments, to ignore the comment-bait ones…and to push for changes to improve the site.

There you go again turning a good old fashioned witch burning into a reasonable discussion.  The writer had the gall to suggest a list of things women should do before they turn 40 and I’m not even a woman.  Can you even imagine how left out that makes me feel?  Back in second grade I broke my arm and had to sit out of gym class for two whole weeks while everyone else was having fun.  This is a hot button issue for me and the fact that I’m an anonymous reader doesn’t give her the right to ignore that!

JenArt
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]

I call this “Feminism Lite”.  Think of Cosmo magazine.  It is billed as being “for women” and marketed as being “empowering,” when the reality of it is….it’s nothing more than a misguided ploy to sell (in this case, get hits).

I see this discussion as the heart of an effort to better the content of this site.  Clearly, with so many intelligent readers commenting on being offended, the editors would be remiss to discount the dialogue taking place.

And I’d hardly call this a witch hunt/burning.  Pragmatryst, if you are incapable of seeing adult, mature, intelligent women have a discussion over content, perhaps you this blog isn’t for you.  Believe it or not, many of us are capable of having disagreements without resorting to cat fights, or in this case, referring to fellow females a witches.

cadyms
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

@jsw - I appreciate your comments.

I like fashion and relationship articles, etc.  I like stuff that I can relax with when I come home b/c my work is pretty demanding cognitively.  I know The Frisky is not going to be heavy-duty journalism, anymore than what’s in Glamour magazine.

But I hoped for more than pure output to up page counts.  I hoped that the authors and editors still gave some consideration and care to their work, still took pride in it.  When I read this article, it was with that assumption, and that was why it was such a horrific piece to me.  If I’d thought it was just the equivalent of trolling to incite chaos, I would have shrugged it off.

No, people here are not overly sensitive when they say that recommending having an affair as a goal prior to 40 is ridiculous.  They are responding to what they think the author is really saying is correct.  They are actually believing the author means what she says, and responding accordingly.

I still want to hear from an editor who will openly identify him/herself as such, or from the author, and have them say why they allowed this article out the door.  Do you believe that the quantity of output demanded of you is too high for your work to be of a reasonable quality?  Do you think this article is of reasonable quality?  Do you care when readers write in and have an overwhelmingly negative response to your article? Do you mean what you write? 

This all just makes me sad…its like Walmart for journalism…a lot of crap, produced cheaply, probably at the expense of the employees, and then we buy it (which means I’ve got to change my behaviors).  I’m really hoping for an editor or author to tell me why I’m wrong!

joyy
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]

@cadyms - //I hoped that the authors and editors still gave some consideration and care to their work, still took pride in it.  When I read this article, it was with that assumption,//

Well managed expectations are the key to happiness.  And you’re spot on with that analogy, the Walmart of journalism, or maybe the Spencer’s of journalism ...

divadeluxe
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 06:43 pm: [report]

The one lacking on both lists thing is to have or develop a spiritual practice. As you discover who you are politically, sexually, etc., it is most important to know who you are spiritually, which will help you cope with some of those things (such as loss or bad news or heartbreak. As one who has celebrated many adult birthdays ending in 0’s and 5’s , trust me. It’s the most important thing to have.  How/what or who you chose to believe in is up to you.

kit1811
wrote on October 31 2009 @ 05:20 pm: [report]

@Riley and Aida and a few others - thank you. 

Jebus!  This is not Christianity Today, or Perfect Wife and Mother Primer. This is The Frisky. Frisky! It’s irreverent! Scandalous! Fun! It’s teasy, cheesy, silly, sleazy - what it is NOT is a place to go for moral guidance or affirmation.
And thank god, too. There’s enough of that crap elsewhere.  This is a place where hair is let down, and even if sometimes it falls into something gross, it’s better than a matronly up-do that freezes your face and gives you tension headaches.

MelanieRamona
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 12:20 am: [report]

I agree, this is a terrible list.

BlueVibe
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]

I’ve no intention at all of getting a divorce or having an affair.  The baby is unlikely (and I sure don’t feel that my life will be incomplete if I don’t have one).  I’d like to get married but, again, it won’t spoil everything if I don’t.

What the Hell do I need with overpriced lingerie and a Rolex?  Or anal sex??

And please, please, please, don’t blog unless you have something to say.  Sheesh.

what a ridiculous list.

cooldad
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 05:32 pm: [report]

Here’s the old list edited by an over 40 guy

1. Write a novel note to your closest friend.
2. Stop feeling guilty. - OK
3. Change a regular light switch to a dimmer.
4. Have an affair with your husband or SO.
5. Forgive if its reasonable.
6. Stand on your headWalk on your hands
7. Fall in love again.
8. Get your heart in shape by trying a new exercise routine.
9. Go to Paris a romantic city with someone you love.
10. Buy a car bike.
11. Buy incredibly expensivecomfortable and sexy lingerie.
12. Buy a sex toy.
13. Get a president elected. - OK
14. Learn how to ride a horse. - yawn
15. Try analhaving sex every day (just the selfish husband in me.
16. Stop trying to figure out if you’re a feminist or not.
17. Have a baby if you want, even if you’re not in a relationship.
18. Start a charity blog.
19. Experience umami, try uni, and embrace wabi-sabi.
20. Hire someone to Drive over 100 mph your kids around.
21. Give ‘til it hurts.
22. Earn a degree Take an interesting class.
23. Lose the friend you never really liked anyway someone close to you.
24. Be scared s**tless and do it anyway.
25. Accept the ravages of gravity.
26. Get a nice watch Rolex.
27. Lose it.
28. Scream at the top of your lungs.
29. Quit a job you hate.
30. Start a job you love.
31. Get laid married.
32. Get laid more often divorced.
33. Travel with a good friend alone.
34. Visit three continents not including your own.
35. Balance your job & personal life a checkbook.
36. Get custom fitted for a bra - ??.
37. Give up on low rider jeans that show your thong when you bend over doing arts & crafts at your kids preschool thongs.
38. Get diagnosed survive.
39. Lose it all. Be yourself
40. Win everything back.

blah,blah
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]

I’m turning 40 shortly, and I LIKE this list!!! I have done all, but write a novel. Life doesn’t a;ways work the way you want. I hope nobody finishes this list, but many will.

Parabegel
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 05:09 pm: [report]

I’m over 50… and I know I shouldn’t be reading this nor should be commenting… but…

My husband had an affair and it nearly destroyed me and our family.  Nobody wins and it shouldn’t be anything to be proud of, and certainly not an aspiration.  It was one of the last things he did before he died on a heart attack at age 50.

I will say that at my age I do have regrets. 

I regret not missing work to see my kids perform in their school plays/events.

I regret that my kids were the first ones to be dropped off at preschool and one of the last ones to be picked up because I was working overtime.

I regret that I “lived to work” instead of “working to
live.” 

Work doesn’t cuddle up with you at night.

Work doesn’t give you a hug and a kiss when you get there.

Work doesn’t kiss you good-bye.

Work doesn’t dry your tears.

Work doesn’t bring your coffee to your bedside table before you wake up.

Work doesn’t draw you a hot bath when you get home.

Work doesn’t give you a massage after you’ve been hunched over your desk for hours.

Work doesn’t give you a nice peppermint foot rub after you’ve been on your feet all day. (yes, hubby did that)

I regret not having my Mom write down her special recipes before she died at age 63.

I regret not being able to make a huge celebrations for holidays for my kids.

I regret that I never made home made cookies for my kids (only the ones you slice and bake).

I can go on…

meredith
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 10:54 pm: [report]

@cooldad: I like it.
Girl’s gotta be living a fast life to get all these done. And all the comments saying this is list is terrible - yeah it is. But maybe its meant to be tongue-in-cheek? Maybe?