4 Sex Myths That Most Guys Believe
Posted by: Phil Dotree
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Tuesday September 29th 2009
Many men have some very disturbed ideas about sex and biology. For instance, a good friend of mine spent years believing that girls pee out their butts; he thought this until he was age 21. He was a certified EMT.
The subtler sex myths, though, may be the most damaging ones. They can ruin relationships and sex lives, even if they seem extremely obvious. Here’s a look at a few of the more common sex myths that a large number of guys tend to believe.
Myth: Women don’t look at porn. It never occurs to men that women engage their sexuality through pornography. Hell, it doesn’t occur to many women, because women often use literary erotica or more subtle pictures of half-naked dudes to accomplish what men use pornography for. This is a disservice to gender relations, folks—if we’re going to get along truly as equals, we need to accept that as a species, we’re all ridiculously horny.
Myth: Orgasms are the only way to judge good sex. Male biology is such that we can’t contemplate how sex could possibly be enjoyable without an orgasm. It’s the objective for us. If we can’t bring a woman to orgasm during sex, we’ll automatically assume that the sex was bad, and this view is pretty well enforced in pop culture.
The thing is, many women don’t have orgasms and are perfectly satisfied with the sex that they’re having. If you try to tell a guy this, though, he’ll assume that you’re just being polite. It’s this kind of willful ignorance that led us to doubt that the female orgasm existed in the first place.
Myth: There’s a right sex “schedule.” Many guys will get uptight about the relationship they’re in when the sex slows down after that frantic first supercharged couple of months. They’ll worry that they should be having a ton more sex. In reality, people have different schedules and sexual needs, and there’s nothing uncommon about having sex once a week, or even less frequently for some couples. Schedules can be changed, too, but many men get convinced that anything less than 20 times a week is a sexual Great Depression. A couple might turn out to be sexually incompatible, but usually that’s got a lot more to do with biology and bedroom wants than too much or too little sex.
Myth: Longer is better. Many men judge sex like you’d judge a game of Jenga—the longer the tower is standing, the better the game. They’ll try to push sex regularly past the hour mark, and get frustrated or disappointed if they’re unable to have ridiculous sex that approaches tantric levels of longevity.
The reality is that longer sex doesn’t necessarily equal better sex. It usually just results in a lot of sore body parts, and less time for everything else in life. That’s not to say that faster is better, but just that time shouldn’t really be a consideration at all in sex. If your guy keeps a stopwatch on the nightstand, tell him that it’s not some kind of backward race, and you’re not Secretariat the racehorse.
Notice any other sex myths that guys believe? Post in the comments section below.
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bumbler
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
Many guys I have met believed women pee through their uterus and out their vagina.
SamL
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]
Where are you finding all these dumb men? Peeing out of our butts??? Longer is better??? Women don’t watch porn???
If I met a man that thought/imagined any of these things, he would v be history in double quick time.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]
Sadly, we are dumb. I’ll rephrase that, smooth out the data, and we are dumb. However this crap is totes crazy.
ChoJinn
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]
I’d suggest women err on the side of caution and allow “myth” #2 persist. A little insecurity never hurt anybody, and typically motivates everybody.
H. Blue
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
I have a hard time believing that “many women don’t have orgasms and are perfectly satisfied with the sex that they’re having.” I think if they have never had an orgasm and then did, they’d be less happy with all the orgasm-less sex they’d had in the past. It’s true that it doesn’t HAVE to happen every time, but it should most of the time. The problem I find is that some guys seem to think they can make a woman orgasm in 60 seconds or less, or that all women are multi-orgasmic.
unclesahm
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
I used to think women peed out of their butts… but only until I was five. I asked my mom how she could tell if she had to do #1 or #2 since they both came from the same place.
geekmother
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
My ex-husband thought women peed from their butts until he was 16. The number of women who are adults before they realize that babies and urine don’t come from the same openings is simply ridiculous. As far as the porns, I find it disgusting, so for some women that one may be true. And the only time I don’t have an orgasm during sex (or many of them) is if I have pneumonia or bulging disks in my back, so yes, it isn’t satifsying without them. The marathon sex is good, provided there are a few breaks here and there, and you don’t end up dried out, and there’s no reason for the sex to drop off sharply after the first few hot months of a relationship. So I’d have to say that these “myths” have some actual merit.
SouthOC
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]
Myth: Orgasms are the only way to judge good sex.
Wow… This is a slippery slope. I’m a man, and I’ve had very sweet and intimate “LOVEMAKING” without having an orgasm. So in a way this is true.
However, if we’re talking about SEX, there is no good sex without blowing your top!
z3nger
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
So very right. Couldn’t agree more, especially about the orgasm bit.
z3nger
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
@SouthOC..I don’t think a man can enjoy sex without having an orgasm. Men work towards the orgasm and that’s the final payoff for them. but for us girls, it’s the journey of getting there that’s fun.
Put it this way. For men, sex is like driving to Disney land, the drive fulfill the sole purpose of getting to the destination. For girls, it’s like hiking Half Dome..even if we don’t get to the top, it’s still a hella lot of fun the hike itself. So you men don’t have to get all disappointed or upset about it just because we didn’t reach!
On the other hand, just because we did get there doesn’t mean you’re an amazing lover or anything, some women orgasm easier than others. So please stop judging your sex sessions on how loud or plentiful we orgasm as if it’s some kind of trophy for a competition.
SouthOC
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
z3nger: No judging here… Like I said, it’s been great with and without. I think the most special and intimate times have been as you say “enjoying the journey.”
I’ve been married a long time, and the intimacy part has become more important to me than it used to be.
It gets back to the difference between lovemaking and sex. In a long-term relationship, there is going to be plenty of both!
tigerstripe
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]
I knew someone who didn’t really know what a c-section was until the age of 28. He thought that what is actually an episiotomy (cutting the vagina to make more room for the baby) was a c-section. He was shocked to find out that they actually cut right into the belly.
retro chic
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
Amen to N°4: Longer *is not* (necessarily) better. Sometimes “le sex sessions” are too orchestrated and you just want to get down to it, leaving more time for multiple rounds. Mix it up a little!
N°2: Orgasms: first of all, men don’t “bring us to orgasm.” We women bring ourselves to orgasm thru our own fantasy, communication and responsiveness. I would never rely on the idea that a man’s saddled with that responsibility. It’s one-sided, daunting and restricting. Same goes for him and his O’s.
Also, Phil. Please tell me you became friends with your EMT “she pees out of her butt” friend *after* he learned this at 21, and just became a funny anecdote. :/
Shriekback68
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
Wow, Phil: you must know some DUMB guys.
Queen Frostine
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
“women often use literary erotica or more subtle pictures of half-naked dudes to accomplish what men use pornography for.”
And then some of us go for straight up, old fashioned porn just like men. I think it’s more a myth that we prefer the subtle, half-naked soft core stuff.
ChoJinn
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
“So please stop judging your sex sessions on how loud or plentiful we orgasm as if it’s some kind of trophy for a competition.”
No, actually, it is a competition: not with you, but with every other guy out there. Everything is. While it may be flattering/empowering to believe that the genesis of all male insecurity lies with the female, it would also be incorrect.
Just like it’s no skin off guys’ backs for females to obsess over their weight, it’s no skin off girls’ backs for guys to obsess over their sexual performance. There’s no such thing as bad motivation. Once we all stop caring, gain weight, stop trying, etc., then we can drive to Disney World.
Arsenic
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
YES! @ number 3. The Boyfriend seems to think that sex twice a week is the end of the world.
retro chic
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 01:59 pm: [report]
@ChoJinn: “No, actually, it is a competition: not with you, but with every other guy out there. Everything is.”
That is retarded, CJ. Who are these guys? Are they in the bedroom with you? Why would you do that to yourself? Liberate yourself and just enjoy and share. Make that phantom guy competition thing a myth STAT!
I was with a man for a very long time who shared your view and it severely hampered things. It wasn’t ‘til near the end he finally got it and started to relax, enjoy his own experience more, knowing the heat was off him as the source of all things O. He thanks me for that now, even tho I would not be the long-term recipient of his newfound enlightenment.
bogart4017
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
I get the feeling men arent taking too much time to listen to women or ask questions otherwise some of these myths would not exist. Especially porn. It can’t be only men supporting a billion-dollar industry. Thats like saying only yound girls were buying Beatle records years ago!
shawbrooke
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 04:13 pm: [report]
There is no substitute for words. If there is a sex act that you or your partner either do want or don’t find appealing, tell him/her! If they aren’t attracted to the act you want or insist on the one you don’t want, there’s a decision to be made. Don;t expect that someone will start to like something that they aren’t attracted just because they are doing it with you.
Unless both parties agree upfront to give up the act that one does not find appealing, with no strings attached, and no guilt laid on, RUN don’t walk, and don’t be talked into giving it a try. Or one of you will leave at the most inconvenient time, there will be no “real” reason, and why go through that?
I had a friend whose boyfriend wanted a sex act she hated, was just so sure that she’d like it in time. Then he said there was something wrong with her, at which point she had the sense to break it off. After that relationship she used words and saved herself a lot of trouble.
C.Munro
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 04:39 pm: [report]
I think it would be better to say that sex doesn’t always have to end in orgasm to be satisfying, “always” being the operative word here. If it never happens, well, I don’t see how that wouldn’t get frustrating after a while.
I can’t entirely blame someone for believing that women don’t watch porn (some don’t, some have collections that put mine to shame), or that marathon sex is desirable (men are often belittled for not lasting long enough).
As for the schedule, that seems like an issue of compatibility. If I’m going to commit myself to having sex with only one person, it needs to be happening pretty regularly. Not necessarily every single time I want it, but sexual frustration does not a good relationship make. I’m sure many women would agree.
melissaann
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 08:55 pm: [report]
LONGER IS NOT BETTER!
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:09 pm: [report]
@ChoJinn;
“A LITTLE INSECURITY NEVER HURT ANYBODY”?!?
Where the hell did you hear that?
ChoJinn
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:31 pm: [report]
I actually just made that up, but it’s completely true so long as it motivates you to be a better _. That can be anything: lover, friend, employee.
And Retro, perhaps it’s just an artifact of what my male associates and I experience where we are, but there is some serious competition for anything actually date-able. Admittedly, a friend-with-benefit situation would not require such management.
Or perhaps I am just hanging out at all the wrong spots?
retro chic
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 10:57 pm: [report]
@ChoJinn: I gotta say, that is some strange thinking. At no time should the words competition or insecurity be in the same room – or same sentence – with the pursuit of intimacy and love. You need new friends, CJ. Listen to Bogart.
chuck69
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 11:33 pm: [report]
This article is so full of sh*t. Same bs mainstream, monopoly media (ge, disney, viacom, time warner, fox) has been feeding us for years. Men are 100x hornier than women else man and woman would be having sex all the time. Men have lust for women’s bodies. So what really turns women on? It’s f’ing obvious. Just face the facts. Women are turned on by men who make an awful lot of money. That is the only reason they love every rich guy out there. Take away the fame and money, put these guys at the local quik-mart and women are very interested. Now women can be charmed. Take away the charm though and women will walk away. On the other hand, men will f any ok lookin’ dumb chick as long as she turns him on a bit and is willing. I’m so sick of this bs.
SamL
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:32 am: [report]
@chuck69 Aaaaaahhhhh! The neanderthal intellect; take me, I’m yours… fool!
Frederica Bimble
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 08:27 am: [report]
chuck69: Ok, I’ll bite. Here’s a canned answer for you.
1. Find a better group of people in which to associate.
2. Step away from the TV, tabloids and base websites.
3. You are being lied to and your words are perpetuating the lies.
4. What you think in life is what you will create in your world.
5. Your belief - if you truly believe what you’ve written and the rest of us know that deep down inside, you are lying to yourself and making excuses because you so desperately want a woman in your life but you have chosen to believe lies perpetuated by the media and bitter men and you don’t really believe your words because they are not based in reality and you know it. This belief will only bring you misery.
6. YOU are the only person in your head. No one else. Say that out-loud. Why? So, you can hear it and it gets planted in your day-to-thinking.
7. Look around you - whilst you are in the supermarket, work, just walking around, visiting people, going out, whatever you “do” - now, count how many couples you see and then look at the man and ask yourself if you really think that particular man is monetarily wealthy. There is your answer - and if you are HONEST with yourself, you ought to be feeling cheated that you have allowed yourself to be suckered in by someone else’s agenda that is keeping YOU from having love or romance or sex or whatever in YOUR life.
If you didn’t quite understand that last sentence, I’ll make it clear for you. Almost ALL of the men you are going to see in your day to day existence will be either less wealthy than, as wealthy as you or maybe, even more wealthy than you. Now, how many have money.
8. If there is a “rebuttal” or an “argument” on your part, don’t waste your time. What I have written is absolutely in accordance with reality. There IS nothing to debate. I also don’t go back and check because there are too many unhappy people on here who are just looking for attention, like yourself, for instance. Instead, take what I have written above and consider it a gift - some good advice that may take your years to figure out on your own. Also, you will embarrass yourself by “arguing.”
9. Read my words. Apply it. Your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions are all YOUR own. Do you really want to live your life by someone else’s rules? That is precisely what you are doing now. And, if you think you’re being “funny” then consider this: Everyone else feels sorry for you with the attitude you are currently displaying. If others are agreeing with you then refer to #1 on my list above.
Good luck and yes, there IS a more peaceful way of thinking and living. When you stop believing all that crap you’ve written, then there will be a whole world of women out there who will be chasing YOU but you have to work on yourself first.
No one else can do it for you.
SamL
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 08:39 am: [report]
@Frederica Bimble Wow! What a generous gesture! Let’s hope it has the chance to sink in. Am I optimistic? Not in this instance!
But respect for trying Frederica.
Sam xxx
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
Myth: If a woman isn’t interested, she must be a lesbian.
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]
@majicksand: And its counterpart: If he doesn’t pounce on me, he’s teh ghey.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]
@ C.Munro: Au contraire, mon ami. Most women will internalize. “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he like me?” Hence, Cosmo’s continued production.
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
Yeah, I should have worded that differently since we’re talking about sex myths males believe.
“If he doesn’t pounce on any willing female, he’s teh ghey.”
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]
That’s closer to a possibility in the world of shallow women; however, remember this: If you pounce on the skanky Courtney Love wanna-be, and we find out, you’re history. We wouldn’t share that girl’s hairbrush if we were trapped in a cabin together for a week during a hurricane, so we definitely aren’t sharing lovers. We’re hypocrites that way.
coljack
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
The #1 myth is that women have sex the same way men do, once you get them warmed up.
When it comes to the act itself, it’s a rational decision for women to have sex and orgasm. Men consistently don’t get this.
For him, sex is on the same level as hunger or thirst. It’s an intrinsic drive that’s fundamental to his being.
Sex to her is like shopping is to him. It’s an activity that she does from time to time, and sometimes she really wants to and really enjoys it; but she can *decide* to have sex and *decide* to orgasm. The same part of your brain that controls balancing your checkbook and using your turn signal is the part of her brain that she uses to make decisions related to sex.
Given that this is the Frisky, I know a bunch of people are going to immediately write in to say, “Are you kidding? I love sex as much or more than he does!” That’s nice and all, but that’s either the post-feminism talking or it’s the exception that proves the rule.
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]
@coljack; The last paragraph confused me, because everything before that was true…But I truly do love sex more than my partner does. These two things are not contradictory.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]
@coljack: If you’re trying to say that women sometimes have to concentrate on the sensations in order to orgasm while men have to think about something else to keep it from happening, then yes, you are correct. However, I agree with remembercedricdiggory in that this has nothing whatsoever to do with sex drive.
draymond
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]
The first item isn’t so much a myth as a fact, the fact being that almost nobody regards erotic literature as porn. Guys don’t because even though they might find erotic literature sexy they just don’t think it is in the same ballpark, and women don’t because it allows them to still get get outraged about how evil and degrading porn is while still guiltlessly enjoying their trashy romance novels at night.
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
@majicksand: That’s OK. If I find out a girl has slept with some douchebag Tucker Max wannabe, she won’t be getting into my pants.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]
@C.Munroe: No fair. We are supposed to spend years agonizing over the bad boys because we’re sensitive and emotional creatures. They all had so much potential. It was all just preparation for you, so I’d appreciate how wonderful and kind you are. Soooo… that’s ok, right? *flutters eyelashes adoringly*
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]
Haha, cute.
But no. Any girl with a history of preferring bad boys makes it straight to my friend zone. Even though I’m not exactly a saint myself. How’s that for hypocrisy?
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]
Guess it’s a good thing I’m already married (to a reformed bad boy) then. My mom used to tell me that if there was a loser anywhere within a 5 mile raduis, I’d find him and date him. She was sooo right. Most of them really did have potential. A few of them have even gone on to fulfill it.
I recently had an ex, that I’m still friends with, admit that the song he supposedly wrote for another girl, and made me listen to, all those years ago was actually written for me. He wrote it well after we broke up and never told me he wanted me back. When I asked him why, he told me that he realized his life was chaotic and going to get worse before it got better. He finally cared enough to put me first when it no longer mattered. He was a crappy boyfriend, but he was always a great guy underneath.
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]
@draymond; That is, assuming you believe the myth that women look at erotic literature instead of porn.
I agree that the way the article describes it, it seems as though woman only look at non-porn erotic things… When that’s not true at all!
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]
I’m not a complete a-hole, but I’ve been the crappy boyfriend who realized too late how special the girl I just lost was a couple of times. It really, really sucks. But at the same time, I’m glad to hear it when they’ve found better guys who appreciate them when it’s important to.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:53 pm: [report]
This particular guy fell too far into his ‘stage persona’. He’s a death-metal guitarist. They don’t (BS) have feelings. They’re (BS) tough guys. He’s still a thoughtless, crass a-hole according to acquaintances and fans. Thankfully, he has learned how to separate the stage from reality and can be himself in front of his friends.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]
BTW, “my” song was not death metal. It was lovely.
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]
Hahahaha! I’ve been a guitarist playing in bands for the last two decades. Almost all of us are geeks, and the metal guys are usually the geekiest of all. All that pent-up rage had to come from somewhere, y’know.
majicksand
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:22 pm: [report]
No way! My husband is a guitarist—and a huge geek. For that matter, my friend now owns and runs an internet radio station. He’s a geek too.
Pinky
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:28 pm: [report]
Oh hell I guess I won’t be getting in Munro’s pants…I adore Michael Schenker.
bumbler
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 04:28 pm: [report]
Come on ladies! Amateur erotica is fantastic, I love reading the really bad stuff. “He thrust his turgid rod into her quivering love hole.” Comedy gold. See how many synonyms for body parts you can find in a single story.
C.Munro
wrote on September 30 2009 @ 05:15 pm: [report]
To be fair, Pinky, nobody will be getting into my pants for a while. I’m in the middle of a self-imposed dry spell that won’t end until I move back to Austin or Southern California.
Squidtermz
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
Derekj123
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
I think the first paragraph was to grab attention, not being literal! lol
I really hope this article is tru though… I may have learned a couple things after reading this!
onewriter
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:34 pm: [report]
@bluenblonde yes! I heartily agree
onewriter
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:37 pm: [report]
@southoc I would agree with you there. there is sex and there is loving…and they aren’t the same thing, although I imagine that an orgasm would be preferable either way for either party
onewriter
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:48 pm: [report]
@chuck69 YOUR comment is bull****! The article may not have been perfect, but all women do NOT always go for rich men. From what I’ve seen, if the man cares, is sweet, tries to please, and listens, he can have his pick of the bunch, because that’s what we go for. Almost without exception. If a guy has money, that’s nice. But it’s not everything. It does say that we would be “taken care of” if we became the guy’s mate…because we know he knows how to bring home food. That sort of ingrained thinking is in every species. It’s a basic part of our wiring. But it’s not everything.
onewriter
wrote on October 1 2009 @ 06:55 pm: [report]
@draymond If you REALLY think a Harliquin romance (something we stop reading at 15) is on the same level as hard core porn videos…you haven’t read one!
Black Iris
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 04:15 pm: [report]
@draymond and onewriter - I agree in different ways with both of you. Romance novels have changed a great deal since we were 15. They do contain explicit sexual scenes, although the words may not be graphic. Like porn, they are an arousal aid for many women. Unlike porn, romances are not visual, they have plots, the partners fall in love, it takes time to get to the sex, there’s lot of foreplay, and it’s not about jumping from partner to partner. They are fun and women should feel comfortable enjoying them.
Women and men are alike in looking for things to stimulate them. They are different in what they use.
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 05:34 pm: [report]
@Black Iris; Actually, there’s a lot of (more expensive) porn that has those elements—they have plots, the partners fall in love, it takes time to get to the sex, there’s lots of foreplay…it usually does involve going from partner to partner…But yeah, maybe you’ve only seen crappy internet porn?
I will give you that they’re visual. Of course, there’s plenty of erotica on the internet that is the verbal equivalent of hardcore porn.
White Mushroom
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 06:30 pm: [report]
I’m on the other side - I’m the woman who feels like sex less than once a week is the great Sexual Depression.
DancingGeek
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 07:59 pm: [report]
@arsenic- Man, I’d kill for twice a week! (solo flights aren’t the same!)
DancingGeek
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 08:03 pm: [report]
@Chuck69, maybe you just hang around the wrong women.
Wife of a Soldier
wrote on October 2 2009 @ 08:52 pm: [report]
“They’ll try to push sex regularly past the hour mark, and get frustrated or disappointed if they’re unable to have ridiculous sex that approaches tantric levels of longevity.”
My husband and I are often the opposite of what most folks these days (at least in the USA) expect - before getting pregnant, I was constantly horny while he was more of a “not tonight, dear” type (the roles have switched a bit now, but more because I’m uncomfortable being penetrated while expecting). However, we haven’t come CLOSE to the hour mark, or even the half-hour mark in close to two years. When we first got together, he’d recently returned from Iraq, and had the stamina of an Energizer bunny - he could just keep going. After a few weeks of having sex regularly (2-3 times a week) that slowed down, and before we were expecting, the only time we lasted more than 15 minutes was when the physical stimuli were there but something just wasn’t triggering for one or both of us. Our average was 10 minutes to get both off, or to satisfy without orgasm.
I realize this is about myths, but I have to wonder what chopped together porn men watched to ever reach this conclusion! Not even erotic fiction has scenes that last this long!
Vicarious
wrote on October 3 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
My 3rd boyfriend in high school, who was 19 and going to a local junior college, was taking me on a long car trip one weekend. At some point early in the trip, he let one rip and was a little embarrassed about it. I said,“That’s okay!” He turned to look at me and said, “There’s something I’ve always wanted to know. Do girls fart?”
onewriter
wrote on October 3 2009 @ 12:39 pm: [report]
@theron…HAHA!! oh…you’re serious. hmmm…
1. “#1: wrong” you are wrong.
2. “#2: right” you are wrong.
3. you are extremely callous and of course, WRONG. I’m feeling sorrier for your “girlfriend” as I write this…
4. Your “girl” isn’t climaxing, she is getting rid of you as fast as she can because it isn’t enjoyable for her. You might want to look at the rest of your relationship as well….unless you truly don’t care, as is what it seems. Ugh…
onewriter
wrote on October 3 2009 @ 12:54 pm: [report]
@theron hmmm…a bit too much vehemence…too close to home for you darlin’?
3putt
wrote on October 4 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
i really dont think guys can be this ignorant…
tweakerbell
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 02:48 am: [report]
@TheRon: please do us all a favor and scroll your little mouse-wheel up the page until you find frederica bimble’s reply to chuck69 and carefully read what he has written. why do this? because not only is it sage advice, but it also speaks the truth.. the one you don’t want to believe, because it forces you to actually think critically about yourself and your beliefs.
c’mon Dude, please, please show us that you can be a better man than the one your foolhardy comments would indicate that you are… it would seriously up your f**kability quotient in a noticeable way if you could just show the rest of us that you aren’t a lost cause.
SamL
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 05:47 am: [report]
@TheFrisky. I can’t believe you’re deliberately generating these trolls and allowing their school playground behaviour to disturb the the quality community you have created on The Frisky.
I think you need to have some better controls in place or you’re going to quickly lose your subscribers.
It simply becomes tiresome to continue reading the same, stunted, illogical, neanderthal drivel all the time.
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 06:25 am: [report]
@Sam L>
wow! suprise.(yawn) 9times: again trying to ruin my whole Frisky day! Hey Frisky panel: could we please have a little less “Tucker Max inbred idiots” on the page and more fun normal people who just want to pick each other’s brains about weird topics etc.?
ChocoBoo
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 06:26 am: [report]
@Sam L, I wanted to say I agree 100%
onewriter
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 06:28 am: [report]
yeah…with two more to add to my blocked list, I’m wondering if it’s worth reading on here at all.
tweakerbell
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 09:47 am: [report]
@everybody:
Oops! My mistake for feeding the trolls. i keep forgetting that it only makes them #&@$% all over the f**king place….
please accept my apologies, because to fan the flames of such fallacious fervor only serves to do the Frisky dirty.
Wife of a Soldier
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 10:00 am: [report]
@theron and 9times - grow the f*** up already. Just cause you can’t get laid by anyone with a brain, doesn’t mean that you have to annoy the f*** out of everyone else who reads here.
develange
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
I love how these douches believe that since we don’t agree with their horribly offensive, bitter, and ignorant whining, we MUST be fat ugly bitches! What a joke. I’m glad they are gone.
bumbler
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]
The Frisky, please start moderating these posts.
Riley
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]
@Jennyj - Don’t cry. It will be okay. Raptor Jesus and Tom Cruise still love you.
bumbler
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]
The Frisky, please start moderating your site and banning based on IP addresses instead of just email accounts. These people have nothing better to do all day but set up new fake accounts, this is not stopping them.
Reported of course since thats the only thing that works, at least temporarily.
Iammina
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 07:08 pm: [report]
I agree with everything except I do judge the sex in terms of orgasms. While I suspect that I probably have a higher sex drive than average, if I don’t get off I would be sexually frustrated by the act its self. I would assume a man would feel the same way if a woman would use an egg timer and only gave him five minutes of her time.
Females can have multiple organisms, however, the intensity fades with each additional organism. The first two is good, three is OK but after that not worth the effort.
I do like porn, I love the male body and find it stimulating. I think in the most healthy and satisfying relationships lovers should spend a lot of time in the bedroom “playing” and just getting to know each others bodies. I am fortunate I married the right guy who “taught” me these things.
Wife of a Soldier
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 10:39 pm: [report]
Troll reported yet again today.
onewriter
wrote on October 5 2009 @ 11:12 pm: [report]
don’t they have anything better to do???
SamL
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 04:10 am: [report]
@togospinny. Yeah right! Whatever you want to believe…
kad
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
@Iammina
I think I’m lucky. My GF and I spend time talking about what ‘works’ in bed, and not every time does the conversation happen in bed or while engaging in sex.
More open honesty about what feels good, you know, like adults are supposed to talk about things, would go a long way to enhancing satisfaction in the bedroom.
I’m sorry you had to be ‘taught’, but unfortunately I can vouch that many women don’t know how to have sex. Of course men can be brutally insincere about it and act like all they needed was to masturbate. My lady isn’t afraid to tell me what she likes. Sometimes it’s stimulating to just talk about it with her (like when we know we don’t have time for the full session and do a quick run through to see if the lessons are being learned properly
)It’s your sex life, enjoy it.
One reason of many I’m marrying her in a few months are honest conversations about sex.
RaeBaeBae
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
Myth: Women who don’t have orgasms and are perfectly satisfied with the sex that they’re having.
onewriter
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 06:04 pm: [report]
Okay, maybe not “satisfied”...but “okay with”...
Iammina
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 06:57 pm: [report]
@Kad; Your Gf is the lucky one and you are correct about being open and honest with each other. Once I felt comfortable with my guy,even before we got married, I was shy about telling him what excited me. He encouraged me to talk to him and the positive reinforcement helped open the door to other things. Just knowing what turns your partner on, tends to hasten the foreplay process, which so many guys seem to have a problem with.
@RaeBaeBae; That is so true. Sex is such an important part of a relationship and so enjoyable. Those gals that don’t have orgasms don’t know what they are missing.
badger
wrote on October 9 2009 @ 05:41 pm: [report]
“Many men have some very disturbed ideas about sex and biology. For instance, a good friend of mine spent years believing that girls pee out their butts; he thought this until he was age 21.”
Five decades of sex education in schools and this is the result! Just makes me glad all those tax dollars were so well spent.
sandyra
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 07:29 am: [report]
Okay, Here’s my “Biggest Myth”. Why is it everytime a man and woman have sex (in the movies or on tv) for the first time, the woman never has any semblance of foreplay and yet when the man enters her she orgasms like she’s gonna die from the pleasure. wtf??? Sooooooooooooo not true, guys. If she’s acting like she just came like a train then she’s faking it. We need stimulation, a lot of stimulation. Erotic zones are named that for a reason.
onewriter
wrote on October 10 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
I would agree with that. However, I don’t need much to be actually ready for him. So, that part could be true…for some people. It’s the mind…wherever you’re at with your man, that’s what happens for you. The orgasm bit? Not a chance.
geekmother
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 10:03 am: [report]
I for one find foreplay boring most of the time. It’s completely unnecessary for me to have foreplay to have an orgasm. And yes they can happen very quickly after intercourse begins. Some of us do heat up very quickly (with the right man, of course).
Tristan
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]
All of the comments here seem to come from young people still learning the basics. I don’t want to condescend, but as an older guy (62) with a fantastic girlfriend (65), I have outlived many of the myths promoted by so-called experts,(including Masters and Johnson)of the 20th Century. As a young man, I went through all the frustrations of learning ejaculation control, learned to use my tongue and hands, and eventually became accustomed to hearing that I was the best lover my partner had had. Hearing that became more important to me than my own orgasms, and my wife adopted the same attitude. Tragically, my wife died in early middle age, and sex for me stopped while I raised our daughter. When I did meet someone with whom I thought I could make love, I was startled at how much more passionate I had become, and how attuned I had become to my partner’s body. Several relationships passed in time, but the breakups were never over unhappiness with sex. At last I fell in love with a woman whose marriage was bound to end, and I waited, celebate, for three years. During those years, my porn was books on Tantra, sexual neurology, the late 20th Century research on female anatomy, the G-spot, and other rediscoveries.
The married woman with whom I had fallen in love never returned my devotion, but in the years I waited for her, I learned (and unlearned)enough about the subject of sex to be completely confident. I met my current partner by telephone, and after more than 9 years together, she still says that I seduced her in the first five minutes of numerous phone calls before we actually saw each other.
The remarkable point that I want to make is that at our ages, sex continues to get better. At least twice a week, no matter what else is happening, we spend as many as three hours giving each other the most mind-blowing sex we can imagine. Our secret is in the subtleties. We each enter a trance state in which our objective is always to further refine the level of pleasure imprinted from the last experience.
So I think that the Number One sexual myth is that at age 20, 30 or even 40, a man can know all he needs to be a good lover. And the fact is, most women have no grasp of what their bodies want.
majicksand
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]
@Tristan: I dare say a few of us have gotten the basics down. I’m 36 and my husband is 41. I like to think I have a fair grasp of what my body wants, but I’m quite sure that if I don’t, my husband does. Regardless, it’s good to know that the best years are yet to come!
Queen Frostine
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 03:21 pm: [report]
Myth #42 - Age equals superiority
remembercedricdiggory
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 05:17 pm: [report]
@Queen Frostine; Hahaha! Exactly what I was thinking, though in a less concise manner.
Also, Tristan seems to be confusing “good lover” with “perfect lover”.
Tristan
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 05:32 pm: [report]
Didn’t mean to talk down to anyone, just to say that many people still have a lot more to learn, no matter how much fun they already have. And the best can still lie ahead of you if you keep trying to improve what you offer your partner.
Tristan
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 07:15 pm: [report]
Majicksand—Go for it, you have the right combination, and yes the best is yet to come.
Queen Frostine—Myth #43- Having ears means you can hear.
remembercedricdiggory—There is no perfect lover, only lovers, good lovers, better lovers, and better-and-better lovers. That was my point. And as far as your appreciation of “Frostine’s” concisness is concerned, I hope you don’t settle for conciseness in bed.
I have not meant to offend anyone, but to say that if you wonder if something is missing in sex, something probably is. Conversely, if you think sex can’t get better, look forward to learning that you are wrong, as long as you both try.
Empress
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]
My boyfriend is almost 30 and I had to inform him about the way women pee. I couldnt believe he was that nieve. They need to teach this in school or something.
Tristan
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 05:39 pm: [report]
Empress—Every time I hear a comment like yours, I am saddened that love, “Made in the USA”, is so uninformed. In our supposed information age, the timidity and superstions (translated: religious doctrine), have crippled the last few generation’s appreciation of how healthy and varied sex can be. You may already know, but some women do not, that medical experts lost the clitoris for about 500 years in western culture. That is to say nothing about the other places on or in a woman’s body which evolved for the same reason: to motivate a woman to have sex, and lots of it.
Men who have been inhibited,for whatever reason, from learning the vast number of responses women have developed to cause their bodies to want sex, are victims of imposed ignorance. They need, if you will, personal training, in how to give and recieve happy sex, beyond the the myths and edicts of less enlightened generations.
If you love your boyfriend, teach him what he doen;t know as kindly as you can. And as he learns more, show your appreciation. If you suspect there is more that you could learn, make the time to experiment, and always be honest with each other.
In many cases,our parents and our peers taught us B.S., to make a pact with the lover you trust to learn the wonders no one else would tell you.
veritas
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 01:23 am: [report]
My male friend, at age 20, didn’t understand that when a man ejaculates into a woman, well, what goes up must come down. He basically thought it was absorbed or stored inside or something. Many laughs over that one, but I can understand his confusion over this and other things. It’s not like men and women usually get a good education about the anatomy of the opposite sex. Heck, most of us don’t even get a good education about our own anatomy!
TDan
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 01:29 am: [report]
I have 2 myths, one that has been thought of as a myth cuz it’s a rare medical case (just to debunk it but you guys must have heard of a case by now) and the other, a ignorant teen and then-expectant daddy thought all that time.
1) The “myth” is that a woman can’t get pregnant again after conceiving, creating “twins” but one embryo goes through less development. It’s RARE but it’s happened, called: superfetation. My mother of-2 cousin cited this as being a rareity of any inteligence her ex had, she didn’t know of this rare case, but not knowing this medical phenomenon isn’t uncommon with us.
2) When I was in HS which was going through a teen pregnancy epidemic for 3 out of the 4 yrs I attended, a pregnant classmate(16 i believe, but graduated after baby was born, graduated on time with me) of mine told a group of us (laughing like it wasn’t a serious problem) that when she told her boyfriend that she wanted to be intimate with him, the guy said “I don’t want the baby playing with my thing”——the guy did not know babies developed in a womb! My jaw DROPPED!
One thing my female relatives my age that I told this story to as well as gal pals: Guys who do not know the reproductive system shouldn’t be making babies until they learn! (my ladies @ first looked SO shocked when I told them, and one muttered about the guy’s ignorance and that it’s a miracle I graduated without being corrupted by smth in that school)
But this I was thinking before I found out very recently that my college gal pal’s big brother wasn’t given the talk about sex from his dad. The setup was Mom talks to daughter abt sex while Dad talks to son. The Dad didn’t give the talk. And it doesn’t seem that the father didn’t go through the talk during his own early years; I am GRATEFUL the men (or mommies) in my family have had with their boys when they were of age to learn it(but we all knew about our body parts and no-nos of where people shouldn’t touch,etc you from much younger)
I say this last part about sex not being learned by gal pal’s brother when he was suppose to because sometimes these myths guys believe comes from not being taught well about womens’ bodies @ home(and the depths of learning biology in school depended on the school and time in society it was taught)—-and sometimes the lack of knowledge spreads through generations.
Myths of where things come out of (and where we develop!) need to be ‘solved’——males and females need to learn how things are!—-esp with “unwanted” children coming in this world because of inadequate or no knowledge.
mskim
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 06:59 pm: [report]
Myth #5- women need a tool to masturbate. I use my hand and I lie on my stomach and when I’ve shared this with a man they were no less than SHOCKED