36 Words You Should Never Say In Bed

Coral
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]

#9 is pretty bad. One guy I was with said ‘Wouldn’t this be funny if it ended up on Facebook?’ And I’m thinking, ‘No!!! And is there a camera in here or something?’ Oh my.

But I don’t see what’s wrong with saying Baby-girl or adorable. Hmm.

Raugiel
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

I might also add “Blackberry” and “my office” or “my boss”. The bosses’ name could also make the list.

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

When’s payday? or When’s the 31st?

That has actually happened to me.

spanishbutterfly
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]

lmaoooooooooooo @ ms priss ” when’s payday”.  i have to admit i use #1..  #10 ive heard that one b4 as in “oops i think the condom came off”  # 35 or # 36.. that doesnt bother me { maybe b.c im puerto rican .. mami /papi}

I Go To 11
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

THANK YOU for posting “daddy”. I’ve never understood the appeal of calling someone (or being called by) that. The thought just grosses me out; my father is not a topic that I care to have thought-waltzing during sex. “Mommy” is equally as gross, IMO.

z3nger
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]

I don’t really have a problem with ‘Daddy’, the rest on this list I agree with.

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]

I don’t mind “oops” if we fell off the bed humping madly.

I also didn’t like to hear “I can’t wait for you to be my wife” during engagement celebratory sex. *GAG*

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]

@spanishbutterfly: Respectfully I had asked my BF ” Did you renew your passport?” LMAO He was going to the Philippines for Christmas and it was during a heavy make out session.

dlc910
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

Yeah - Daddy creeps me out.  I might have said “wanna boink” while making out.  Sometimes I’m very silly.

Isabela Laval
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 03:31 pm: [report]

I don’t mind #36, if used properly.

tweakerbell
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 04:21 pm: [report]

i would add “slut/slutty” to the list.  i am sorry, but telling me how much you “LOVE slutty bitches” (like me), because you “KNOW that they get sooo turned on” by the way you can “get them to do ANYTHING to please me…”

sorry, but being called a slut pretty much kills my lady-boner… which is pretty funny considering how turned on i’m supposed to be from being manipulated into pleasing your predious “peen”.

_jsw_
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 05:27 pm: [report]

I’d like Amelia to record these as well when she returns, please. Thanks.

FuZyNavL
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 06:32 pm: [report]

How about ooze?I once had a guy describe to me how stuff oozes out….....totally gross and a mood killer.  I don’t wanna know how it comes out!

Dave The Rave
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 06:50 pm: [report]

How about “Sorry” (as in not pleasing someone enough).

‘shoe horn’ (you might need one with less-endowed men)
‘crowbar’ - (to get inside “tight” women)

burgessa
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 10:30 pm: [report]

How about “I’m old greg”. There’s a youtube video called old greg that i’ve watched and a guy was trying to be funny… def killed the mood…

ChoJinn
wrote on August 10 2009 @ 11:17 pm: [report]

The word “juices” has no place in anyone’s lexicon, including grocery store employees.  Also, I happen to like “peen.”

Miss Mia
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 08:36 am: [report]

Things were getting steamy one night with the guy I’m dating and it was the first time we were in a bedroom setting. The neighbors started cheering (there was a basketball game on) and the guy said, “I guess I should have turned off the camera.” Needless to say I freaked (who wants their first sexual encounter recorded?) and asked ‘what camera?’ It took a while before he convinced me that he was joking. Still, he teased everytime the neighbors cheered. My pants stayed on but the neighbors still kept cheering, so I guess there was no camera.

netrider
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]

People have such varied sexual tastes and kinks that some of the words she lists shouldn’t be listed.  A lot of women love the idea of me being their Bad Daddy and my lady’s tushie is to die for.  There’s a slut in every girl and some ladies find the word a term of endearment when they are doing their nastiest.  Bottom line: don’t generalize about things sexual.

sebaceous
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]

Vagina or Penis!  So clinical.

AlisonNoelle
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 02:38 pm: [report]

Humping! I hate that word! My hubby says it to get a rise out of me now.

stiffinp
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 07:51 pm: [report]

Gee. I should just keep my damn mouth shut!

Gingee
wrote on August 11 2009 @ 08:49 pm: [report]

“Help me get it hard.”

Ick.

ARealGuy4Ever
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 12:41 am: [report]

This may be stating the obvious but the C*** word is also a big no-no.

As far as slut and even bit** I’ve found it depends on the gal. A few have called themselves some combination of the terms and asked me to agree or will ask for dirty talk. I like adapting to what my partner wants so even though I’m usually very gentle I’ve pulled some hair and used names I wouldn’t repeat here if that’s what she really wants =)

autumn_dust
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]

gingee - just reading that made me cringe

elisem76
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 06:54 pm: [report]

One word; “qweef”

Dave The Rave
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 06:57 pm: [report]

elisem76 - What kind of word or phrase is “qweef”?

elisem76
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 07:00 pm: [report]

I may have misspelled it- could be “queef” or such. I believe it is the noise your vagina makes when air is trapped inside it and suddenly released- a vaginal fart, so to speak, and most often occurring in the context of sexual intercourse.
Happy thoughts, eh?

dagss
wrote on August 12 2009 @ 10:38 pm: [report]

Go use the bathroom or take a piss but please don’t tell me you gotta “go potty”. So childish

CharlieAnn
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 01:47 am: [report]

@elisem76 LMAO@queef, however it’s spelled!! That definately belongs on the list. eww.

stef
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]

@Gingee… I don’t think the phrase “help me get hard” is that bad… Thats usually presex, and you can always make something come out of it that you enjoy…

Gingee
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 04:12 pm: [report]

“Help me get hard” is very, very bad.  There is a simple solution:  Viagra.

Or get a penile implant.  Or get that medication that men inject directly into the penis with a needle, and that keeps the penis erect about 4 hours, according to one guy who uses it.

“You can always make something come out of it that you enjoy.”  Nope.  Been there, done that, and the dude managed to get semi-erect, which lasted maybe 5 or 7 minutes and he needed even more stimulation.

It was a lot of WORK on my part, for very little reward unless ya count how many times his penis went limp. 

Men like that, who suffer from Involuntary Suspension of Phallocentric Activities, should do something else, like becoming tennis instructors.

FuZyNavL
wrote on August 13 2009 @ 10:09 pm: [report]

how about jizz?  That’s gross.

bogart4017
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 07:22 am: [report]

Crap (unless you’re Frank Barone).

musiklover26
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 06:00 pm: [report]

A guy said ‘mommy’ to me one time when he was sucking my tits. I felt kinda weird.

_jsw_
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 06:10 pm: [report]

@musiklover26: I’m sure you felt just fine.

Dave The Rave
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 06:26 pm: [report]

musiklover26,

I’m sure that would have felt wierd, but maybe he was trying to get you excited and failed.

Gingee
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 07:07 pm: [report]

To AUTUMN_DUST ‘Just reading that made me cringe.’

Oh, that was a toe curler.  That guy ought to have a mark or sign painted onto his face thar reads “Limp.”  He talked up his abilitie, as if he had something going on, but when we finally ended up in bed, his penis was as soft as a cooked noodle.

With a LOT of stimulation, he could manage to get somewhat erect, for a few minutes.  Somehow we got through that night, and I’ve NEVER approached him again, even when he’s indicated he’s in the mood.

Unless and until he shows me a bottle of Cialis, and I see results, he’s not ever getting me naked again.

I’ve got better things to do, and better people to do them with.

lizzi6692
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 11:53 pm: [report]

I agree with all of these except for Daddy and babygirl, i call my boyfriend Daddy a lot, not b/c i want to have sex with my actual Dad, but b/c we both think its hot, and he calls me babygirl all the time, its one of my favorite pet names that he has for me

wonderfultonight
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:31 pm: [report]

musiklover26 I agree with you. If he had dropped the mommy part, the rest would have been *fine.* Kind of ruins a good thing.

I used to be in a relationship with a super great guy 15 years older than I am and I would never even thought of him as daddy, let alone call him that. Never.

dagss
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 10:00 pm: [report]

Gingee,

I’d like to think that most guys don’t suffer from ED, and that term amounts to normal foreplay.

Dave The Rave
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 10:08 pm: [report]

Gingee,

Well, how do you think he would feel if you would not be able to “climax” while he is giving it all he’s got?  It takes two and sometimes either partner may not be firing on all cylinders.

And, be honest - how often does it happen that both partners climax at the same time?!!!

I once read a comment where the woman had him caress and suck and nimble at her breasts for about 45 minutes or so until she was horny and ready (it gave her ‘intense pleasure’).  By that time, he was probably rock solid or whatever when she would then decide if he had been good enough for sex. 

She would then roll him over and mount him, claiming she had very wild and exciting climaxes, reaching climaxes she never knew existed.  Well, if HE couldn’t put out, what would he feel like?

kasebrad
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 01:19 am: [report]

Oh god, I laughed so hard at smegma.  It’s a good list overall, but I don’t understand why “adorable” isn’t okay.  I can distinctly remember my boyfriend whispering to me one time, “The way you smile during sex is adorable.” I thought it was pretty sweet and it heightened the mood.

Gingee
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 09:36 am: [report]

Dave the Rave:

You asked, ” Well, if HE coulnd’t put out, what would he feel like?”

Did you read what I had written?  He could NOT get it up.

He aksed me to help him get an erection, and the best he could do was sort of semi-hard. which he could not sustain. 

I don’t care how any guy feels if I do not have an orgasm. It’s no big deal. 

As for climaxing at the same time:  That’s never been high on my list or priorites.

Gingee
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 11:42 am: [report]

Oh, yes, I forgot, and this is one to be forgotten:

That guy and I did have another attempt.

First time nervousness, understandable.  Not so understandable when we’re comfortable with each other, sharin meals and such.

The second time, it was just as much W O R K for me, and by then any sexual arousal I’d felt was oveshadowed by this guy’s so-called need for help to “get it hard.”  Which never happened.

Gingee
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]

Dave the Rave:

Just read your private message to me.  Thank you, I think.

That movie, Liar, Liar is one of my favorites, especially where he does the roast, and when he tells the receptionist ‘anything that takes attention away from your face.’  As for “I’ve had better,”  Yes, and there is an even more cutting scene in Looking For Mr. Goodbar.  Diane Keaton’s character had just picked up a guy, he was touching her breasts and said ‘you’re kinda small.’ She walked to the bathroom, turned and with a sweet smile said,
“So are you.” 

Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. 

It is not that this guy, who is not that old, 43, cannot “perform to my standards.”  He is impotent, probably because he was a smoker and refuses to see a physician. Somoking destroys the small blood vessels.  No blood there, no erection.

I moved on, met the man I’m going to marry, and for the record, we are chaste, but there is zero doubt that he walks erect.

The other guy will not have any treatment.  That, to me, is insane, but then I’m around military guys who are open about everything, and what they use to overcome their injuries.

My twin brother and I write a sex advice column, by the by.

Take care,

Gingee

(one day to become Mrs. R. to a great guy)

Dave The Rave
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 03:59 pm: [report]

Gingee,

Seems like you have the knowledge to handle things your way.  I am 45 and single, so when I try self-stimulation it takes awhile at times, while other times all is well.

Also, on a comical note: why are the people in the Cailus ads always in TUBS?

Gingee
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 04:09 pm: [report]

Ah, well, no. It’s just that at age 22, I was dating men who were 46 or 47, and they were virile.  I could understand if this guy were 60 and had no game, but at age 43:  That is pathetic.

I’ve mever seem any of those ads for Cialus.  Tubs?  That shows a lack of imagination. 

Steph9668
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 05:19 am: [report]

Aw man…. #34… for me, that would take a lot to recover from. Just a thing I have I guess.

If anyone said daddy or splooge I’d die of laughter.

nutmeghan
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 09:40 pm: [report]

oh god, “juices”? if anyone ever said that to me, i would die of mortified laughter. o.O

Alysse
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 02:57 am: [report]

Gingee,

Don’t give advice in your sex column with your brother, please.  Well possibly he can, but your a heartless tramp that will need to double your caring and double your intelligent word choice.  Too much work?  Then fast-forward by speaknig kindly of guys that put all the work on you, and you won’t sound like a tramp entering a marriage teetering on your poor communication skills and low sensitivity.

Alysse
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 02:59 am: [report]

Boink!?  Most of these are funny.  Really depends on your partner.

Gingee
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 03:59 am: [report]

ALY-SSE:

I’m sensing hostilty.

*Sits down, folds hands in lap, crosses legs.*

Tell me about your mother.

mayorbubbles
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]

omg! when i was little i thought “the runs” meant you had to pee a lot so I used to say it all the time…

*hides in humiliation*

remembercedricdiggory
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]

Yeah, one really shouldn’t generalize about other people’s sexual tastes. If all people involved love it, why do you care?

And babygirl and adorable both seem fine by me, if they’re used for romantic sex. Well I probably feel that way about babygirl because that’s what my boy calls me, in a non-cliche way, to be cute.

And the funny ones never ruin the mood for me and my partner, because we usually talk normally and mix in some sexy stuff.

Pinky
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]

Speaking as a female I love the term “daddy” and its not in reference to my father either. My best friend is a gay guy and he calls his lover “daddy” during wild passion as well. And his lover in turn calls him “sweet boy”...nothing wrong with this. They are terms of passion and endearment and have nothing to do with “father”.

Gingee
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]

“Gay men know what pleases other men.”

That was said by the same guy who uttered the words NO GAL wants to hear, “Help me get it hard.”

It was a few weeks later, after he needed so much “help” and still couldn’t stay erect, and suddenly the guy started talking about gay sex and how they were the ones who knew how to satisfy other men.

If he’d told me that in the beginning, both of us would have been the better for it.

Heterosexually speaking,

Gingee

FrenchDude
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 06:52 pm: [report]

My ex-girlfriend was calling my manhood “little boy”. It surprised me at first, then I got used to it because she was obviously satisfied with what I did with it (I should mention her English was very basic, as she was from a foreign country). The embarrassing part was when I used the same term to refer to her 5 year old son… Then I had to find something else to say from that point on…

Harrie@lovehoney
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 08:37 am: [report]

oh my goodness there are some horrible words there! similiar, but not quite the same, i was seeing a guy and the first time we had sex, half through, he let out a burp. Granted it was only a little one, but a burps a burp. And it was quite close to my face! To be honest i thought it was quite funny, and id have that any day over him using the word moist. i hate that word.

Nonprophet
wrote on August 26 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]

“huh…that’s funny…”

Laureth
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]

Hmm…sorry but the worst ever is “momma”. I dated a guy briefly that when he orgasmed would yell “oh baby, oh momma, oh baby, oh momma!” over and over again.  It was sooo hard not to giggle and ruin everything

People sure say weird things in bed though.

Wilheilm
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 07:48 pm: [report]

I’m a guy, and I have to say, being called “Old Nessie” definitely killed the mood.

Harrie@lovehoney
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 02:36 am: [report]

Old Nessie? Thats hilarious! is it bad to ask what it is that made her liken you to a giant Scotish fish?!

effing hickster
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 03:09 am: [report]

@Alysse: That reminds me of the movie Cross My Heart, with Annette O’Toole and Martin Short.
Martin and Annette are having awkward sex on their first date, and Annette’s head keeps hitting the headboard.
“Hey, whoa! I’m bonking!”
“Yeah, isn’t it great?”(or something to that effect).

Wilheilm
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 08:37 pm: [report]

Nope, I probably have a deflated ego or something, but I think I’m probably around average size, and, “Old Nessie” was a bit of a surprise, especially when whispered…