20 Reasons Why Long Distance Dating Can Totally Rock
Posted by: Carrie Wasterlain
Filed in:
relationships
10:30AM, Tuesday May 26th 2009
When most girls (or guys) hear the phrase “long distance relationship,” the words that come to mind are: miserable, horrific, sad, heartbreaking, not worth it—did I mention miserable? Permanent long distance relationships can be difficult and painful, but I can tell you from experience, a little separation isn’t always a bad thing. As long as you and your guy can get together every few weeks, long distance can absolutely rock. After the jump—20 reasons why it does.
- You always have something to look forward to
- You can schedule in lots of “me” time
- You can avoid “girlfriends feel neglected” syndrome by spending more time with the ladies
- Hot phone sex
- You don’t have to be constantly worrying about shaving/waxing/looking perfect down south
- There’s much less to fight about
- You have time to plan fun dates, and get super pumped for them
- You have plenty of time to shop for, and put together, cute outfits to wear on your spaced-out dates
- You know you’re going to get laid when your dude (or you) comes home
- Absence makes the heart (or the private parts) grow fonder
- You’ll never feel suffocated by your SO
- If taking birth control pills, you can manipulate Aunt Flow to come to town when your guy can’t (please only use this tactic when desperate/in moderation)
- You can focus on work
- You can write each other romantic love letters (if you’re the mushy gushy type)
- You can flirt without him cramping your style
- You’ll have no other choice but to make the time you do spend together fun and drama-free
- You can write (or at least relate to) sweet long-distance love songs like “Hey Delilah”
- You can have passionate, make-out-filled goodbye sessions
- You can save money by not going out to dinner and movies all the time
- You’ll have fewer, but better, orgasms
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misspixie
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]
Having spent almost four years in a long distance relationship, I have to say that these only work as long as both of you are putting in the effort. I found it very difficult sometimes. xxx
PinkRanger
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]
If its meant to be, you can make it work. The only long distance relationship I tried was doomed from the start, which made it one of the most difficult relationships I’ve ever experienced. If its hurting you more than its making you happy, then you know its not working!
But on a happier note I know of some VERY successful long distance relationships in which the two people knew they just couldn’t let each other go!
powplz
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
Spot on. Being able to meet up every few weeks is crucial. Having dated 1.5 years long distance, the longest we went without face time was 3 months when I went to Asia for the summer to teach English. That trip aside, we pulled a few four-week stretches apart, but that gets rough.
It also helped me get a little more organized for school, given that without the every other week meet ups (whether he came to me or the other way around), I would have put off schoolwork until the absolute last minute things were due.
EarthGoddess
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]
Great list! I was in a LDR with my husband for 2 years before we were married. It was torture, but well worth it!
stephoney22
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
Well I’m not really interested in #15 but you make long distance sound strangely amazing! This is encouraging to me because I’ve been toying with the idea of finding work in a different city and don’t know if my SO could join me immediately. Thanks
Also, how about #21, once you both have racked up enough frequent flier miles you can both fly for free to vacation together in a new location.
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]
@ stephoney22
Love idea #21!!
powplz
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
@stephoney22 - frequent flier miles facilitated a lot of the first part of my current relationship. He traveled constantly for work then and was able to fly “home” to my city on weekends courtesy of the client (it was often a cheaper plane ticket, actually), and he used those FF miles to book my broke-student ass tickets out to see him since I couldn’t afford it otherwise and I would have died of guilt if he tried to book me monthly plane tickets out of his pocket.
misspixie
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Well, I’d hate to have a long distance relationship again. Issue tho is now the guy I like is 5000 miles away. Argh. My friends have started to say that I may deliberately choose men out of the area. To have a guy around all the time would be a total novelty! xxx
Arsenic
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 11:42 am: [report]
Spot on.
When The Boyfriend went to LA last summer I thought I would die.
It was miserable at first, but it ended up being super good for me to be on my own for a while- its great for helping you sort out how you feel about each other.
Plus the week that I visited him was probably the best time we’ve had together.
Emi
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
Great list!! I’m in a LDR right now with a guy out of the country.
brackishfaun
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 12:51 pm: [report]
I’m currently studying abroad in Germany and I’ve been here since the beginning of September and since then I’ve only seen my boyfriend for 12 days in December and 1 week in March. I get home July 15th, and I am definitely counting down the days. It sucks, but it can definitely work. Staying in touch is key. Though this list mostly applies to people who get to see each other every few weeks, even with longer periods of time apart many things still apply.
Katrina
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 02:12 pm: [report]
#9, 10, and 20 are totally true. I’ve been dating my high school sweetie all through the first year of college, and it was great. I got lonely sometimes but we Skyped and talked on the phone daily. Long-distance really challenges you to work to stay together, but with wonderful rewards
charliecat
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]
This is so true of not just LDR’s, but military deployments too! No getting together every few weeks unfortunately, but with email, phone calls & webcams, its totally survivable! And the silver lining is that you build or reinforce an amazing communication foundation!
aries3_04
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]
thank you! I’ll be in a LDR starting this fall for 2 years, being 3 hours away from each other (and we survived 1 1/2 being 1 hour apart but it’s nice to get new advice)
estrellada
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]
hated it. COMPLETETLY hated it.
LDR are something i’ll never do again.
Hanners
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]
LDRs are one of those things that, as has been stated many times, take a lot of hard work and commitment. I’ve been with my guy for a year, and we’ve spent most of our time in different locations- we met when we lived in different states. We got to spend a long weekend together in July, and then 2 weeks together in September- I moved here at the beginning of December, and 6 weeks later he left for a 4 month deployment. It’s not as bad as it could be, since we weren’t *terribly* far apart, until now- the deployment part sucks- but that’s almost over, and we’ll finally be able to actually start our short-distance relationship, which is simultaneously totally daunting and awesomely exciting.
KellyJean
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 05:09 pm: [report]
I live in Japan, he lives in Philadelphia. We’ve been apart for 8 months, and we’ll be apart for 4 more.
Biggest benefit?
We have to talk. There’s no climbing-on-each-other, face-sucking makeout sessions each time we see one another. Don’t get me wrong, there’s lust there…. But being so far away has forced us to really get to know one another and have conversations. It’s built a strong foundation that can help create a real future.
portisheart
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 06:04 pm: [report]
My ex and I had a better relationship when I went away. We talked on the phone daily and made the most of our couple days separated by 2 month intervals. Then when I moved back…. things went down hill. He suddenly never wanted to talk.
lanceypantsy
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 07:46 pm: [report]
my boyfriend and i are in the same area, but i was so busy that we would only see each other once a week for about 3 months. But every time we saw each other for 3 we had sex for 3 months consistently…and it was good.
Buhri
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 08:08 pm: [report]
LDRs are absolutely the worst. I’ve been in one for a year and still have 16 months before we can live together and be in the same city. It puts so much stress on the relationship and almost all of our fights are because of the distance. We actually had an open relationship for awhile because not seeing eachother for weeks or months at a time caused so much damage. BUT, we’re still together and making it work.
szarlotka
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 08:20 pm: [report]
I’d be curious to hear Amelia’s Guys on IM weight in on this topic. I’m currently entertaining a transatlantic flirtation, and contemplating what a “real” LDR might mean. LDRs are hard enough if you already have an established relationship with someone, but starting one from the outset seems doomed to fail. And while I would be perfectly willing to consider relocating, I’m not sure the thought has even crossed his mind. My hunch is guys in general are less likely to entertain such notions.
little_nurse
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 09:32 pm: [report]
I’ve been in a LDR for 11 of the 13 months that my boyfriend and I have been together. We had met when we were in high school, but never really hit it off until I was in college and he was about to go to basic training for the military. It’s definitely hard, but we just couldn’t break up with each other when he left! You definitely learn to listen closely and really communicate, not just chit chat. We have plans to move in together after I get my RN, but even then, he can still get deployed. It’s definitely worth it though!
GAgirlinNYC
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:14 pm: [report]
Great topic and article! I am leaving next weel to spend time with my long distance lover (he lives in NYC and I live in Atlanta) and it’s so true that you have something to look forward to. I get all excited about us seeing each other and start the primping (new clothes, crest white strips, longer workouts) weeks before. It’s a very good feeling while preparing- sort of like prom for the adult!
Thanks to Skype, gchat while we’re at work, BlackBerry messenger voicenotes and nightly phone calls, we’re very happy. Although we only see each other about once every 2 months, I proved to do something I never thought possible.
hereshestands
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 03:34 am: [report]
I was away from my boyfriend for 3 months when we had only been together for a few months. It was really hard and he became really distant because we didn’t have that closeness for so long but I tell you it brought us so much closer together and 2 years later we are stronger then ever. =)
I wouldn’t like to be away for that long again but I guess I know we could get through it now.
powplz
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 08:10 am: [report]
@szarlotka - I started out LDR with my current bf (of over 3 years now, first 1.5 years ldr). It can work, but it’s hard.
Things that helped us: internet/cell phones - staying in touch often is a must. it’s something I miss, actually, I have a gmail folder of all the emails we wrote, especially when I was overseas (we didn’t skype, it wasn’t as big then), and I think to myself “we never write to each other anymore.” It’s kind of a sweet, antiquated way of continuing to get to know each other.
-frequent visits: this is the hard/expensive part, but since my bf was flying every week for work, he was easily able to fly back to my city instead of where he actually lived, which helped cut costs, plus he was nice enough to use his FF miles to help me travel since I was broke/in college.
-trust: neither of us are jealous types to begin with, and it wouldn’t have worked if we were.
-time frame: I ended up moving in with him out here after I graduated. While that wasn’t always the plan, I had always planned to move west whether he was in the picture or not. My best friend moved to be with a guy (to avoid ldr), and she ended up very unhappy. If you move, it better be to a place that you would be happy living/staying in with or without him in the picture. We were ldr for 1.5 years because that’s how much more time I had to finish school. Without an end date to the ldr part or at least the understanding that at some point one or both of you will relocate and be together, I wouldn’t go for it.
-realistic expectations: when we first hooked up, I thouhgt “cool, I finally get to have a fun vacation fling.” When he mentioned wanting to see each other again, he said “I don’t want to get into anything serious.” Both points were wrong, but if we had started off expecting it to last for years or to look a certain way, I’m sure there would have been more problems.
-love: you don’t have to start out at “I love you”, but what we found was that we’d rather be together 2,000-6,000 miles apart than not be together at all. I think that’s really the only reason any ldr’s work at all, or at least why any of us bother with them.
-tenacity: whatever would break you up if you were dating locally is put under a magnifying glass and a spotlight long distance. if you know this, you can try to work on things when they get dicey instead of just jumping right to “ldr never works”.
Kiki T
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 10:09 am: [report]
I dated this musician that toured a lot and I loved it because every time he would come home, I"d always get lots of presents from all over. Plus, the welcome home sex was always the best!
rain
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]
I spent a year in a LDR with my boyfriend, seeing each other about every 5 weeks and on holidays, before we had a glorious 5 months together in the same city. Now I’ve moved to the opposite side of the world for 8 months and even though we’re technically ‘not a couple’ we talk daily and the love is still there. I don’t know what will happen but I think that if you really love someone and can stick it out, it can only make you stronger in the end when you get back together. Here’s hoping, anyway!
mzchristine
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 05:14 pm: [report]
I’ve been in a ldr for 10 months now and it doesn’t get any easier. I find that we argue more when we’re apart and I’m much more calm when we’re together. Hopefully it will be over in a few months.
jillorr
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
My boyfriend is 3500 miles away (overseas) and we only get to see each other every couple of months. For a variety of important reasons there’s no end in sight, either. Yes, it’s exciting and HOT when we get together, we’ve gotten to know each other very well through email, Skype, phone, etc., and we have an incredible relationship. But I’d give up all the excitement of the LDR in a heartbeat, for the happiness of waking up next to him every day. Sigh.
@joyy, you’re absolutely right. I’d rather have 6 weeks a year with my guy than 52 weeks a year with anyone else. That’s why we’re doing this. So…lucky airlines I guess!
LoveTea
wrote on June 1 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years, and then entire time it’s been an LDR. We met working on an internship in Disney World, I’m from Washington, he’s from Nevada.
So flights to see each other were cheap and we often went to Disneyland. Last year he moved to Florida after graduating, and I’m graduating this month and moving to Florida too.
The distance sucks, but it’s been worth it for us. The distance has sweetened every visit and the idea of finally living together. We’ve never gone more than 3 months between visits.
But, a big bonus for me with the distance - less distraction from school work.