15 Signs You’re Over Your Ex
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
11:30AM, Tuesday November 3rd 2009
Last week I started a discussion about how long it takes to get over an ex. Answers varied, of course, depending on lots of different factors, and some people even admitted they weren’t sure whether they’d ever get over an ex. While we may not be there now, most of us can remember a time when we wondered the very same thing. Fortunately, time really does heal most wounds and eventually the fog lifts and the day comes when you realize, suddenly, you’re gloriously, blessedly, wonderfully, finally over him! That day doesn’t come without warning, of course. There are always signs you’re moving on. After the jump, 15 ways to know you’re over an ex.
1. You haven’t read his horoscope in over a month.
2. You take the most direct route to work instead of driving the long way to check for unfamiliar cars in his driveway.
3. It was his mother’s birthday last week and you didn’t remember until this morning.
4. Your best friend suggests you delete the photo you’ve saved of him in your camera and you don’t even flinch.
5. It’s been three weeks since you “could have sworn” you saw him on the street.
6. You meet someone new at a party and when he asks if you have a boyfriend, you say “no” instead of “I did, but we broke up.”
7. You’ve stopped wondering if he’ll call.
8. You no longer think of that pretty green dress in your closet as “his favorite dress.”
9. You don’t hear from him on your birthday and you’re fine with it.
10. You’ve stopped secretly following him on Twitter.
11. You go on a date and don’t feel the urge to mention your ex once.
12. You no longer compare new guys against the pros and cons of your ex.
13. You find an old T-shirt of his hiding in a drawer and you throw it out. [Or use it as a cleaning rag. More earth-friendly than paper towels!—Editor]
14. You spend a Saturday night at home with Thai take-out and a chick flick and don’t feel the least bit sorry for yourself.
15. You don’t need a list to tell you you’re over the loser already!
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EastCoastMale
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
all I can say is wow. I guess the list is lost on me even as a reader who isn’t female. If these were items that you were doing up until that point then, that just scares me.
On a side note, I have noticed the whole trend about googling someone before you go on a date with them, is this really happening? do people really google others rather than trusting their own judgement and not having the need to Nancy drew that person before hand. The item about secretly following them on twitter is what made me think of it, which is equally odd in my book.
H. Blue
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]
16. I no longer felt guilty for leaving him.
17. I stopped checking his facebook page to see if there were new pictures of him and his new girlfriend.
18. IF he crossed my mind, my first thought was not “I f-ing HATE you.”
19. I can listen to Snow Patrol again.
H. Blue
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]
Yes, people Google other people. It’s especially helpful if you’re online dating since most people lie online. Googling someone hadn’t really occured to me until recently, even though I knew other people did it- it just didn’t occur to me. I think it’s a sad state of affairs that you can’t even trust someone who asks you out on a date that they are who they say they are. But people really are that deceptive. And sometimes, the Googler is just that nosey/curious.
majicksand
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 12:19 pm: [report]
I concur with BluenBlonde’s #17 and #18. For me it was Matchbox Twenty’s first album.
EastCoastMale
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]
@BluenBlonde
Thats the thing, I think you can trust someone who asks you out, you just have to try and ignore the much hyped pre-date research methods and go with your own instinct. If I thought someone was lying, I would either politely investigate by asking them questions that would out them or if it was serious enough, call it off. I still think the whole googling someone before dating them is a bit crazy but thats just me. As for your last sentence, I definitely think that 99.9% of the time it is just that.
esosojos
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:09 pm: [report]
Re: Googling…Sad to say—I’ve checked out more than one person online and found their domestic abuse charges. The problem at that point is how to back out of the date if one has already been set up.
tigerstripe
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]
#2 is a good sign that you’re not becoming a stalker.
EastCoastMale
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
esosojos
well in that case I wont say that it is good that you did but I still think that if you work on trying to get to know someone long enough you can judge for yourself without googling. If they start to act like an ass or become even the slightest bit controlling then that is a good indicator I would say.
Simcha Whitehill
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
Oh dear god, so true. Yet it immediately inspired me to catch up on my facebook reading…..I’m weak, weak I tell you!
loveitlala
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]
You no longer log into his email.
You stop replying to emails/texts/calls.
JessicaKarra
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:50 pm: [report]
I just did #13 last weekend! I found a t-shirt that belonged to my ex, and I used it to clean my bathroom!
impoddity
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 05:25 pm: [report]
I always end the relationships, so I’ve never experienced this. I can imagine that it’s rather depressing…. :/
secretsquirrel
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 07:05 pm: [report]
@EastCoastMale I’m older than a lot of these women and I feel like I have a great bullsh*t radar, but even I have fallen for a smooth-typing loser. I don’t google. I just use the state court database to see if a gentleman has any serious convictions: rape, murder, domestic violence, lots of battery and assault charges, a lonnnnnnng list of small court claims against him for defaulting on loans.
That last one…it lead me to asking some pointed questions and come to find out, he was living in his parents basement (this was before the economic downturn). He didn’t really have his act together AT ALL.
With online dating, sometimes, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Or worse, sorry and in someone’s trunk trying to figure out how to kick out the back lights to flag down help.
AnitaBath
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 08:23 pm: [report]
16. He calls you to invite you to his upcoming wedding (aw-kward), and you politely decline but are capable of being happy for him anyway.
However, I think the 20 minute conversation about his upcoming nuptials that followed was to rub it in my face a little bit. When you find you’re not even jealous, then you’re definitely over him.
vaiaster
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]
Ok, #2 is completely stalker-ish.
I love #13! I did this a couple of times with items relating to exs prior to falling in love and marrying my, now, husband.
#3, ok, but the real test is “his” birthday. When you let it pass and suddenly “remember” days later, don’t flinch or deal with it in the least, then you know you’re good. Who gives a shyte about when his mother’s birthday??
#10…not necessarily “following”, but does “checking up” on them occasion count? While I do not do this AT ALL anymore, I once did. I did not feel as though it fell along “stalker” guidelines because I never sent messages or begged for any of them to come back to me.
og217
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 03:10 am: [report]
I don’t think you are evr truly over someone unless he did something to you, to completely snap you out of love, or if he was a good guy, then you’ll think of him until you fall in love with someone else. The ex is always a stand-in for a relationship if there isn’t a real relationship.
H. Blue
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
@impoddity.. you seriously have never been dumped? oh I envy you. sometimes, though, even doing the dumping, you have to get over the other person. surely you’ve experienced that?
MsPhysics
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
You ebay some of the crap he gave you and buy an outrageously expensive dress from saks
angel001717
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 02:51 pm: [report]
hate exes. ok hate my one and only ex. grr. his favorite dresses, our songs, and his damn birthday last month. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. and i danced with the S.O.B. at a Halloween party. lol that was kinda fun. got him nice and hard then left. didnt return his text or “friending” on facebook. Power to the people (or scorned women)
DancingGeek
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 07:22 pm: [report]
How about when you sign the divorce papers as soon as you open the envelope?
@ eastcoastmale, I had a guy who asked me out google me and then ask me specifically about something that came up on the search. I’ve also had guys I work with google me, which I thought was kinda stalkerish. I agree with you, I don’t bother to google, I just generally stick with people who have been “referred” to me by someone I know.
medsch
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 08:33 pm: [report]
Secret squirrel, your post is hilarious. I agree!!!
Kimie
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]
Ladies, you go to all that trouble to google him to make sure he’s not a serial killer, then you sleep with him on the first date w/o a condom.
Jillakiss
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]
I knew I was officially “over” my ex when he texted me that we need to talk (we’re still friendly… ok there are some Romeo + Juliet type star-crossed feelings there… so maybe “over” isn’t the right word but “confident and content in the fact that we’ll never be together again” works); that he wanted to tell me something but didn’t know if text was appropriate, but he wanted me to know before I heard it through the grapevine. I knew then that he had gotten engaged to his new gf, and it didn’t even hurt… mainly because my current bf was outside washing my car, holding up his end of a friendly bet. When new bf came inside, I gave him a huge hug and felt so thankful that he was in my life <3
Meg
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 07:49 pm: [report]
OK this is kind of off topic, but does anyone go through this after quitting or losing a job? (except for the favorite dress thing or whatev) I thought this could be tweaked a little to signs you’re over your last job… because some of us type A’s out here have a whole grieving/moving on process after we leave a place we’ve spent countless hours at and where we’ve either made friends with or waged wars with coworkers.
I was working my tush off in this horrible newspaper office for the last couple years. From the start it was not a good fit for me but I stayed because I didn’t have any other options. The work environment was unbelievably toxic. Women weren’t treated with any respect or even listened to. People who blatantly broke the rules (like stealing, sleeping on the job and going weeks without showering!) still work there now. And they eventually fired me - with no real explanation. It was very hard to have any kind of morale there when there were no real rules and our boss was totally unpredictable. (Kind of like when a guy just stops calling—NO closure!!)
The weird thing is I’m glad it’s over, yet I find it hard not to look up the company’s web site, Twitter and Facebook page. And I’m nervous about running into former coworkers. And sometimes when I answer my phone, I almost answer the way I did at work? When I interviewed for another job, it was hard not to overanalyze and keep going back to what I did or didn’t do at this last job (yeah I totally botched that one!) And when I talk to people it’s tough to remember that I don’t work there anymore. It really became a part of who I was, as unflattering as that is to realize. It’s hard to detox and stop those behaviors I did every day at work when there’s a lot of uncertainty about what happened. This is really driving me crazy right now because I need to just move on and stop obsessing about the past.
But this post made me think about the whole google-stalking thing and how it’s hard to just let go of people and places. Does anyone else identify with this?
VocalVal
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 11:05 pm: [report]
Does 12 out of 15 mean that I am over him? If so, yippee skippy!!! And he is not on Twitter, so I suppose it could be 12 out of 14.
kray417
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 02:11 am: [report]
For the Google, google their email. I Googled myself and found a video I had posted to youtube on some Spanish speaking website.I think when you stop being happy when bad things happen to your ex and just stop caring is the true sign.
ootie grl
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 08:16 am: [report]
I knew i was over my ex when i walked out. He had been cheating on me. No questions it was over. I dont return his calls or txts. I dont miss him, hes an ass.
ThatGirlH
wrote on November 6 2009 @ 09:47 am: [report]
You know you are over your Ex:
When you hear he is getting married to another woman and you don’t feel the least bit jealous or sad, and you actually are happy for him and feel she is a better match for him anyway.
Leesa
wrote on November 7 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]
Gee, I always knew I was over an ex when I thought about him and realized I didn’t care.
LadyMichelle
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 06:08 pm: [report]
Eastcoast Male, In my experience, it willl save people a GREAT DEAL of time, trouble, and even heartache to take a few minutes to AT LEAST do a multi database web search such as info.com. I had an experience in which I discovered that a male who was telling Me one thing, was in reality doing things very different to that which he had professed. In short, he was an opportunistic liar. In my opinion, one can, and should investigate a person one does not know because it is in one’s best interest to do so.