15 Reasons She Won’t Have Sex With You After A Great Date
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
sex
2:00PM, Wednesday September 2nd 2009
Dudes of the world: You are very sexy. You are very tempting. You are very hard ... to say no to. Believe me! But sometimes, my V isn’t willing to accept the gift that is your P. So before you go getting down on yourself, here are the real reasons I won’t have sex with you after a date, even if it went well…
- Too Drunk To Screw: I might puke and I’d rather not do it while either aerobically sexercising or encouraging my gag reflex over a beej. Besides, do you really want to test if we’re at that “I’ll hold your hair!” stage?
- First Is The Worst: I may want to do you after a first date, but conventional wisdom has told me not to. I might have dry-humped your jeans bald, but, I’m not taking them off. I’m just worried that if we do too much too fast it’ll just turn into a fling. So, please, at least give us until date three.
- Rag Time: I’m sorry, I can’t. Believe me, if I could ditch Aunt Flo, I would. But day one is no fun for anyone. I’ll get back to you in a few. And no, my butt doesn’t automatically become an option when my va-jay is out of commission.
- Achy Breaky Stomach: Whatever we ate is not agreeing with me—I’ll spare you the deets about my potential diarrhea sitch.
- Trim Spa: I wasn’t expecting to want to do you, so I didn’t trim the hedges. I don’t want you to see me like this ... yet. Let me have my illusions.
- House Guest: I’m doing someone a favor, so I can’t give you sexual ones.
- Get Friendly: We have mutual friends. They love to gossip about us. And after I treat you to a night with me the joy will be all over your face. I don’t want our pals thinking I’m easy because it’ll just be awkward at every party we get invited to. Good things come to those who wait.
- Hot Mess: My place is a mess. The CDC has advised me against putting my bare ass down on any of it. And I don’t want you thinking I’m a dirty ho, at least in the bad way.
- Cold Feet: I feel like I’m coming down with something. Rather than infect you and not perform at my best, I’ll just call it a night. Rain, er, sneeze check?
- Rise And Shine: I’ve got an early morning meeting and messy bedhead will block my PowerPoint presentation.
- Granny Panties: My underwear is hideous. I’d slip it off first, but then it’ll look like I don’t wear undies. And I’m just not that kinda girl!
- Practice Makes Perfect: You haven’t proven you’re going to be good in the sack. I don’t do a dude until I’m convinced we’ve not only got chemistry but we’re also in sync enough for gettin’ busy. So let’s keep practicing by making out.
- Crotch Monkeys: Yeast infections happen and they’re embarrassing. I need the Moni-(to work)-stat!
- Brokenhearted: I don’t want to use you to screw the pain away. I’m just not ready to be dickmatized by a new guy yet. Give me just a little more time to open up my heart to you and my legs may follow.
- Use Protection: You can’t remember the last time you got tested for STDs. You’re not worth me potentially having to quarantine my vagina. Go see a doc. We can get down when I know you’re not hazardous to my health.
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ChoJinn
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]
Sounds reasonable. The three-date rule depends on how one defines “date,” but after two or three semi-formal occasions the relationship is going one way or the other. Besides, we’re already shtupping someone else anyway, right? We can be patient.
MissMissy
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
Dickmatized!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brill!
Sofjna
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 02:57 pm: [report]
Crotch Monkeys? WTF? Otherwise this list was actually very funny and pretty true.
workerbee
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]
@MissMissy: I loooove the word dickmatized. It really is an illness. I’ve come down with it a few times myself. It’s the reason why you keep that jerk who treats you like crap in public around.
brandyalexander
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 03:08 pm: [report]
#16… because we like making you crazy… it’ll be better when we do give in :D
erikasf
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 06:45 pm: [report]
Perfect list! So true! Every straight guy should see this!
DancingGeek
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 07:58 pm: [report]
Ha Love this list! But Crotch Monkeys? Why does that remind me of crabs rather than a yeast infection?
Dickmatized! LMAO!
bogart4017
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
Four stars for number one!!!There is something of a turnoff about a woman too drunk to screw. She doesnt even look allthat alluring sleeping it off.
freddymerckx
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]
The reason she won’t is because she is not attracted. Period. Nothing you can do about that, especially if she is “selective” and “picky”.
majicksand
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 05:32 pm: [report]
My husband chased me for 6 months before the first date. He even got my boss to give him a character reference—really. No way was I giving it up on the first date and becoming just another notch. I actually looked him in the eye and gave him the “you won’t respect me in the morning” line—with a straight face. I could see the wheels spinning behind his eyes. Then he nodded and said, “you’re right. Good night.”
Red_Lady
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 07:55 pm: [report]
@ freddymerckx Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you will immediately jump in the sack with them. There are other ways to show that you like someone besides sex.
Gingee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
Why I would not have sex with a guy I’ve just met:
That is my preference.
catscratchfever
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
@freddymerck - ew, that sounded super woman-hating and creepy. Check yourself.
Which brings me to another reason I might not have sex with a guy I didn’t know very well - I am paranoid that he might cut me up into little pieces in my sleep.
Gingee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]
Why I will not have sex with the guy:
I am not ready to become pregnant. Any guy who is stupid enough to have sex after a first date is just begging to become a daddy.
One more time: No ones pants come off until the following: ALL women must presume that ALL acts of sexual intercourse will result in a pregnancy, and ALL men must presume that the woman will want to have a baby. Everyone can work backwards from there.
I do not want to get naked with a guy who cares so little for himself that he puts his future (and mine) at risk. Even if he has had a vasectomy, there remains this: They can fail.
If there is a pregnancy, the woman has all veto power over the guy for the next 18 to 25 years, they are going to be tied to each other forever, and Smart Men do not take that chance.
majicksand
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]
Gingee: Are you saying that no one should ever have sex unless they are either trying to or at least ok with having a baby? That leaves most of us sex-less all or most of the time.
Gingee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
No,
One more time:
What I wrote is that before ANYONE’s pants come off, all gals must presume that all intercourse will result in a pregnancy, and ALL men MUST presume that the gal will want to have a baby; aaaaaaaaaaaand
EVERYONE can work backwards from there.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
Idle is pants.
majicksand
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]
Maybe it’s the ‘work backwards’ part I’m not understanding?
Gingee
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
Work backwards: How much risk are you willing to accept?
1) What kinds of contraception will the male use? What kinds of contraception will the female use.
2) If these fail to prevent a conception, what happens next is totally up to the female.
majicksand
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
Gingee: I understand your point now. Thanks.
Wractor
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:45 pm: [report]
Seems to me the ‘granny panties’ and ‘hedge trimming’ could have been taken care of beforehand. After all, if you don’t feel like having sex, we’ll never see them anyway. If you do, 98% of us will let it slide. Hell, if my GFs wear granny panties, I just buy her smaller ones.
wondertwins
wrote on September 6 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]
Gingee, your reasoning is very valid, however I must point out that not “all gals must presume that all intercourse will result in a pregnancy.” You are correct, no matter the method of contraception used, whether it be the pill, condoms, tubal ligations, vasectomies and the various other methods available, there is always a very real chance it will fail.
My point is this: There are those of us gals who have unfortunately had to close up the baby-making shop. Our biggest concern is not that a baby results from the playdate, rather it is that we might end up with something that even Ajax won’t take off!
And while the “playground” may still be open for business, that doesn’t mean we are going to jump willy-nilly into getting “dickmatized” on the first date!
Jewels86
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 07:16 am: [report]
Great list!
Another reason:
After being nervous on a first date.. sometimes guys can sweat.. if youre sweating (then stinking) chances are we will not want to get jiggy.
I dont sleep with ANYONE the first date.. never will. I’m more of a long term relationship type of girl, so I prefer being together a little while before taking the plunge.
If he likes and respects you enough, he’ll be willing to wait for when youre ready
butcherbaby
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]
OMG- number 8 made me laugh soooo hard. years ago, i had just moved into an older, semi-furnished apartment, and not all the furniture was there yet. my boy of the week and i decided that the supposedly just cleaned carpet would be fine, but i ended up with an ass full of hives, blisters, or bug bites. last time i EVER did it there without something between the floor and my skin.
when i moved out, my slumlord manager had the nerve to say my dog and DIY painting projects had “ruined” the carpets, kept my deposit, then cut up the carpet and put it in a couple of the bachelor suites.