15 Most Unfortunately Named Fashion Items
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
style
5:00PM, Monday December 8th 2008
While fashion is an industry that celebrates all things wearably beautiful, the names it gives many of its items are quite the opposite. Here is a list of the top 15 biggest offenders.
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1. Muff A fashionable winter accessory that’s back in vogue, a muff is essentially an (often) fur-lined, warm hole. This is one item that seems aptly named, if unfortunately so. |
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2. Shrug Not only is its name unfortunate, but as a piece of clothing that covers the boobs and highlights the midsection, the shrug itself seems a bit misguided. This is definitely a name and a trend we’re happy to pack away for a while. |
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3. Clam Diggers Not a name we hear too much anymore, Clam Diggers are three-quarters pants that are longer than shorts but not quite ankle-length. Hitting around mid-calf, Clam Diggers now go by the decidedly less awkward name, “Capri pants.” |
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4. Panties Maybe the most unfortunate name on the list, panties is a word that at least half the population (male and female, alike) has a hard time even uttering. Sadly, “underwear” isn’t much better, and “knickers,” the British version, isn’t exactly an upgrade either. Isn’t it time to create an alternate name? |
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5. Girdle Sounding more like the name of a death rattle than an undergarment meant to smooth and flatter a woman’s (or man’s!) body, the girdle is poised to make a comeback. With a name like that, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if its reincarnation is short-lived. |
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6. Uggs You didn’t think we could leave everyone’s favorite ugly boot off the list, did you? |
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7. Spats Adding a bit of flair to footwear, spats were a shoe accessory popular early last century. The name, however, sounds more like a medical diagnosis. ”He can’t make it to the party — he’s got a bad case of ‘the spats.’” |
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8. Skort It’s not quite a skirt and not quite shorts, it’s a skort! It’s also something that most self-respecting women over the age of 12 probably shouldn’t be skorting, I mean sporting. |
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9. Skong Like a skort, a skong is a hybrid item, blending a skirt and a thong into a fashion product that serves no point but to titillate. Too bad its name isn’t more effective. |
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10. Dickie A mock turtleneck (see Honorable Mention below), a dickie is one of those rare items that rivals the potato sack in its lack of sex appeal. Sure, Angelina Jolie would look good in just about anything, but could she carry off a Dickie? |
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11. Mukluks You may know them better as those fur-covered boots that turn an otherwise stylish woman into the Bride of Bigfoot. Mukluks is a name — and a look — that should be retired. |
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12. Pasties Another item that would do better with a sexier name, “pasties” is a name that seems better suited to little boys who worship female pop stars and know all the words to “Spamalot.” “He’s not really interested in girls, you see, he’s a bit of a pastie.” |
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13. Cummerbund A broad waist sash worn with dinner jackets and tuxedos, a cummerbund sounds more like a grammatical error you might learn to avoid in 8th grade English class. “Molly, your sentence had a incorrect gerund, a dangling preposition and an awkward cummerbund. Please re-write.” |
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14. Wife-beater Unfortunate, indeed. |
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15. Chaps Designed to provide protection for the legs while riding, um, horses through bushy terrain, Chaps sound more like something the wearer might need protection from. Please pass the Chaps-stick. |
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addiejd
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 07:06 pm: [report]
I think the author may not be aware of this, but the euphemism of “muff” as a term for vagina comes from the name of the item, not the other way around. I’m sure the muff was called a fluff instead that “fluff” would be used in the same manner as well.
Lynn
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 10:44 pm: [report]
haha, but “muluks” is so much fun to say! And clam diggers makes me think of wading through a river, which is always fun! I do agree about “panties.” I don’t know why I hate that word so much. It’s unfortunate, because I wrote for a lingerie blog! and I have to write the word “panties” all the time. I do say “knickers” sometimes, I like that word a hell of a lot better, but I always feel like a poser when I do. After all, I’m not English. Unfortunately.
shelleymac
wrote on December 8 2008 @ 10:55 pm: [report]
super fancy ladies call panties and bras together “underpinning”
Allison
wrote on December 9 2008 @ 08:35 pm: [report]
You are so right about “panties”. Maybe it’s because I grew up in the midwest and people there have a very specific, nasal-y way of pronouncing their a’s.
ChrisG
wrote on December 11 2008 @ 10:07 am: [report]
What Addie said about “muff” is true - that item has been called a muff for far longer than the euphemism has been around. How funny that we tend to think that our little lifetime is all there ever has been.
vanya
wrote on December 11 2008 @ 10:05 pm: [report]
My college roommate used to say, “dainties” or “delicates” for her nice lingerie, and “skivvies” or “skankies” for her ugly underwear. I still catch myself saying those from time to time, and it’s been a looong time since we were roomies!
DluvIA
wrote on December 22 2008 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
SOOOOO clever Wendy—LOVE this piece (and your honorable mentions as well). Because I work for the web’s premiere branded intimate apparel site http://www.barenecessities.com/ & refer to many of your top picks on a daily basis (am responsible for providing editors & bloggers with the most fashionable trend news related to “undies” & “tangas”). I’ve never heard of the term “skong” before tho… we call them skirted thongs. That made me chuckle out loud - thanks!