11 Reasons Why Dating An Older Man Is Awesome
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Thursday November 12th 2009
My new tall, dark and handsome boyfriend was standing across the room looking so fine in his shirt; I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It was my pal’s birthday party and the first time I had ever dragged my latest man-friend out with my buddies. I wasn’t sure how it would go, yet there he was, charming the pants off them all by himself, busting out his A-material small talk with some friends in a corner. He was doing his best to impress. It was very sexy. He was going all out for me.
Meanwhile, I was at the snack table and before I could curse myself for leaving him to go in for another cheesy cracker, I was accosted by a buddy’s wife I barely knew, a bitch named Sue. “How old is he?” she pried.
After politely playing 20 questions with Sue about my new boyfriend, I knew this was the one she was getting at. I wanted to say something like, “He’s not as old as those frown lines make you look,” or “He has the biggest d**k I’ve ever seen!” Anything that would shut her up and let me enjoy my prized romance. Instead I shoved a cracker in my mouth and mulled over her question as I pretended it was hard to chew. It was more like her question was hard to swallow.
Yes, my new man was older than me, much older than me. But I wasn’t some gold digger trying to claw at his cash account, or even a woman with daddy issues. I just thought he was the hottest, funniest man I’d ever met. He was more exciting to be with than any of the 20-something guys I knew. And before I even knew what a great screw he was, I was already smitten with his wit and the way he filled out a pair of pants. Are there better reasons to date someone? Should I really have let 15 years come between me and happiness, just so I could avoid judgment from girls like Sue? I really should have answered her question with the long list of truly great things about dating an older man.
- You Get Off: He’s confident in bed. He knows what he’s doing ... and if he doesn’t by then, well, then he’s hopeless and you don’t have to waste your time trying to teach him.
- He Knows Cool Stuff You Never Heard Of: Generation gaps can be a good thing culture-wise. He can introduce you to music and movies that are totally awesome classics.
- He’s Super Supportive: He’s got a career and is secure in his work life, so he’s totally supportive of your ambitions. And probs full of good advice! Not to mention the quarter-life crisis is kinda like the mid-life one.
- Someone Has Already “Fixed Him Up”: That relationship didn’t work out. And now you can reap the benefits of nice shoes and hand towels in the bathroom.
- He Doesn’t Stay Out Late: He might be a ladies’ man, but after a certain age, he’s not out on the prowl every night in da club lookin’ for a fresh piece. He just wants to hang with you.
- He Knows Himself: Nobody’s perfect, and by now, he understands his main foibles. So, he can even communicate them to you to prevent friction.
- You’re The Pretty One: It’s shallow, but it’s always nice to feel extra sexy.
- He Doesn’t Want To Be Alone: He’s already hit that point when men realize they don’t want to be all by themselves. Even if they intend to stay confirmed bachelors, they still want company.
- Salt N’ Pepper Hair: So hot. Sure, not every middle-aged guy has got it, but it certainly ups your chances.
- No More Going Dutch: There won’t be that awkward pause when the check comes; he’ll always take it because a man of his years makes more money. You won’t even feel the slightest bit guilty.
- He Is Going To Be This Rad Forever: Some peeps just lose their lust for life at a certain age, but your dude has still got it! He can not only keep up with your young butt, but he piques your interest. You know for sure that time doesn’t slow him down. He’s always willing to try new things. He’s not going to turn into some couch potato all of a sudden. In another 20 years, he’ll still be l-i-v-i-n’.
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H. Blue
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:04 am: [report]
#11-I think you meant me “piques” your interest.
hannahsguy
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]
I often wondered why girls go for the self-absorbed, air-headed twenty-somethings when an older dude would treat you like a queen and make you see stars…every time.
Oh well.
spatula
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:13 am: [report]
Well, I’m sold.
ladylawyer
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:13 am: [report]
And they cuddle. Big time. They have come to appreciate physical contact, with or without sex. This, of course, make a girl feel sexy and pretty and appreciated all the more.
luke15chick
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]
generally these facts are true however it is possible to find the losers that are older as well. I sure did. I was 24 and he never exactly told me his age, but it was mid 40s. Was the BIGGEST cheapskate I have ever seen. My friends in their 20s were/are more generous than this dude. Used to ask me to take him out to dinner, lunch etc. Thought he was the hottest thing on this planet. I did catch him flirting with other women a few times. The man was never supportive for a split second but expected a lot of sympathy from me. Felt that since I was in my 20s and he in his 40s it was his job to tell me how to think, act, look, breathe, blink and on. Needless to say it lasted approximately 2 months before I walked away. Oh and he refused to return something I had left at his house, after I left and asked for it back.
joyy
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:17 am: [report]
word. My bf is only 8 years older than me, but it’s a big enough gap for a lot of these pluses. lovelovelove not having to hold a bf’s hand through basic life situations and learning a thing or two I wouldn’t have figured out on my own until YEARS later.
Rose
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:18 am: [report]
I just wanted to give one caveat to #11 - in 20 years, he might still be “rad”, or he might be experiencing serious age-related health issues. If you’re looking that far down the road with a man who is ALOT older than you, it might be wise to consider that a sexy 40 year old may be a very unwell 60 year old, just when you’re 40ish and at your peak. It happened to my aunt and uncle, and although I know she has no regrets, she spent 10 years of her prime caring for him while he died of emphesema. Of course, even young people can get sick, but the big age gaps pretty much guarantee a health gap as well.
BedRocka
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]
Old is Gold!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:32 am: [report]
1. There is a reason he’s still single.
2. Might have a problem getting it up.
3. Matlock.
H. Blue
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:33 am: [report]
I can see all the benefits listed, but I still have this weird thing about the guy being that much older and therefore getting old before I do, and dying before I do… morbid, I know. But I guess I kinda agree with Rose on that one. It’s a shame because there are some seriously nice, and handsome older men.. I also can’t get it out of my head though that age-wise, it’d be biologically possible for him to be my father. that really grosses me out.
DFTCTB's
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]
LOL @ CheeeeEEEEse!! While I agree that most of these reasons are legitimate, trust me it ain’t all its cracked up to be.
rachel_leigh
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
My fiance is both older and shorter than me. Some people don’t understand how it doesn’t bother me, but honestly I don’t even notice most of the time.
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
Thank you! My man is 41 to my 24. Been together for 5 years and lovin every minute of it!
bethlynn00
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
Hmm, I wonder why bitches are always named Sue? Bad name for a non-bitch…
And yeah, older guys tend to be hit or miss. This guy, who I thought was maybe 28-29, but is actually 39 and he couldn’t accept that he was about to hit 40 and he is still wearing baggy jeans and over sized T-shirts, he looks ridiculous! Some people never grow up. Also the 2nd guy I ever slept with, I was 19 and he was 30, had no clue what he was doing. My high school boyfriend, who I lost too, was better in bed than him and after all these years and partners later, he still is one of the worst! So I guess it depends on the older men, cause all of them ain’t that great.
Bermudaful
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]
My boyfriend´s dad and his wife are like 30 years apart and they are suuuupppeeeerrr cute. They´re both so youthful and bubbly. Aparently before he he was a miserable old sod before but now they go on lots of holidays and laugh and act just as immature and cuddly and me and my boyfriend.
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
I’ve been blessed with a May-December romance which, at 10 years into it, is still going strong. Truthfully, I had my misgivings since my hubby is 20+ years older than me; and I’ve had to deal with the stares and whispers from people who don’t believe we make the typical “cute couple” (I’m also black, and he’s white; I’m also “white collar,” whereas he is solidly “blue”). I also have worried about the significant age gap, and how I could very well end up taking care of him while I’m still in my “prime” (I’m 34 now, by the way).
THANKFULLY, I’ve realized that I am truly blessed to have such a man in my life, and I take those blessings day-to-day. Whyever should I short-circuit my present happiness worrying about the future? Guess what, folks: the future is not promised, and I’d be an idiot to deny myself the pleasure, support, companionship and love of this fine, fine man because, well, gosh, what if he gets sick later and I’m “stuck” taking care of him? I’d be happy to, because I’ve vowed to take care of him—as he’s vowed to take care of me.
I couldn’t be happier, and I’m so glad I didn’t let my worries or others’ feelings about the “propriety” of our age difference stand in the way of what is truly,
The love of my life.
Aarlone
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]
My older man has almost all of those merits, and the one or two that he lacks, I either don’t care about, or we’re working on together.
Also @ladylawyer - OMG YES! It still amazes me how much of a wonderful cuddlebug mine is. He’ll even occasionally ask me to watch a movie with him just because he wants the physical connection.
Reading this has make me want to bake him cookies for being so awesome!
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
i think these huge gaps in age are wierd. what do you have to relate to each other? youre at totally different points in your lives. at 40, this guy has lived through stuff. in your 20’s you really havent. isnt it kind of pervy? i mean 10 years, ok. 20? 30? seems crazy.
SouthOC
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]
@Cheese: Unless there are health issues (primarily prostate related), most men can “get it up” and perform like a champ until 80 and beyond.
SouthOC
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:48 am: [report]
This is a great list of pros, but there are also potential cons to consider:
- is he going through a mid-life crisis, and looking for a trophy?
- as MuchoMacho stated, disparity in life experiences can create problems.
- as Cheese stated, there may be reasons why he’s still single (or he’s divorced with kids, and that leads to a whole different set of baggage)
kokahum
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]
The older guy I dated was the exception to every single one of these things. Figures.
silvergurl
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]
my ex was 20 years my senior. for the first 2 months of our “relationship,” things were blissful. he adored me and took me out to fancy dinners and cheesy diners. i rode on the back of his vespa. he knew what he was doing in bed. things were really fun and great and i loved his FULL head of hair! he introduced me to silent movies (ok, he wasn’t THAT old…but the man had his hobbies!). but alas, trouble in paradise. a twice-divorced dad whose contract was running out, he had a lot on his mind and it just wasn’t the right time for us to be together. i hope he’s happy out there…because *i* am too.
pragmatryst
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]
Have you been through a winter season yet? It’s all fine and dandy until you have the big fight over whether the front closet should be used for your collection of vintage coats and matching accessories or his walker.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]
SouthOC, watching the baseball playoffs makes me believe that all men over 40 pee wayyy to often and can’t get it up (Or out of a bathtub for that matter).
EastCoastMale
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
“fixed him up” and being the “pretty one”? I will save the expletive laced criticism for another day.
Perceptible
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:15 am: [report]
Right on Simcha! My man is 12 years older than I am and he is all of those and more.
Also, the only happy marriage that ever worked out in my family was my dad’s second marriage to my step mother. He was 18 years older than she was and they were the happiest couple I’d ever seen for their entire marriage. My dad died 15 years ago and my step mother is remarried but she STILL cries sometimes when we talk about my dad.
An older man is SO the way to go!
GreyWolf
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
It’s nice to see so many of you younger women appreciating all that we older men have to offer. (Sadly, in my case, #9 does not apply :( ).
And it’s heartening that a lot of you seem to find that even outside the “age dating rule” of 2x your age - 14 being the oldest you can acceptably date without drawing criticism.
@CheeeeEEEEse: VIAGRA!!
SouthOC
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]
@Cheese: That’s funny. Commercials also market Viagra to guys who look like they’re in their mid 30’s. Diaper and Tampon commercials use blue liquid… What’s up with that?
cooldad
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]
is the older/younger partner readily accepted by your group of friends? Is that important?
It’s exciting when both people are struggling together to gain their footing in the world and providing that much needed support & empathy. It would seem odd as you’re complaining about working in a cubicle or booking your next gig and you’re with someone who is already established.
Also, an older guy is potentially 60-65 when your kids are still in elementary school - will he want to coach their teams & run around the playground?
equnsuocha
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]
Ok so I think if you are 25 and you are dating a 40 year old that is still acting the way a modern 40 year old should then yes this list is wonderful. However as a 37 year old woman, I am much happier with my 10 years younger hottie than I was with my 10 years older ex-hubby. It cuts both ways, it isn’t the age, its the person. If this guy is so cool, he was likely the same when he was 25 just without the salt and pepper hair and the cash.
bluefeevah
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
SouthOC—San Clemente, CA perhaps?
Anyhow…I have been dating a guy 9 years older than me - he’s 37 - and to be honest I think there are men my age that are more mature. I thought he lived on “his own” only to find it was mommy’s rent-stabilized apt - although she didnt live there.
He also took out a massive loan to place a down payment on a studio apt in Chelsea. At 37, he doesnt have a savings plan? When we went to go see the apt he bitched about having to buy appliances. Dude, those are investments, get good ones.
Anyhow, before I found out this info (last week)we had gone on 4-5 dates.
He paid for the first 2 dates but then it became a dutch situation, which I was ok with but then it annoyed me. Sometimes, as old-fashioned as it may sound, it’s nice to be courted. And paid for.
As for the sex…its good. Not amazing. I’ve been with guys younger than I who were better than this one.
All in all - I thought going for the older guy was going to be the “better” choice. I have found after 2 months its just not necessarily so.
Don’t choose a man for his bank account of course, but don’t assume a sizeable bank account comes with dating a man of “advanced age”.
Perceptible
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
@dopaminer, jealous much? No need to hate on our sexy-as-hell older men. We love them and know how wonderful they are. Even without your approval.
You’ll appreciate it more when you’re older, I guess.
mokti
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]
You say that now, equn, but wait till he produces the photos of the pink shirt and white blazer~
C.Munro
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:03 pm: [report]
I’ve dated plenty of younger women, with 11 years as the biggest age-gap. Fifteen years isn’t a big deal, but that photo up there made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Oh, and as for No. 7, I’ll always be the pretty one.
philosophia
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
EastCoastMale- best avatar ever. I adore Jimmy (almost too much, some would say)
C.Munro- you don’t look OLD enough to have dated (not creepily) someone 11 years younger… Harris Tweed or not!
rockerchicka
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
haha dopaminer is funny-i do agree wit you though. my mom is married to as she also recognizes-an old man- he carries his medications around and pain relievers. :/
why did she marry him if he wasnt allthat great?
supposedly he was mature-wrong! she figured that out too late-he acts like a high schooler getting high and buying weed from teens, and how old is he idk 50 or so.
now i am sure that there are older men out there that are pretty good guys n theres also those who are not so great, but for me dating older men is not my thing. i might think its gross for him to be way old but if thats what some women want and like good for them. i wont critizice you much, i would critizice does old guys who think that they can still act like they are young hot jocks. seriously! is time to grow up.
everyone has their preferences, and i have mine, so im glad for those who are happy wit their old men/women but im even more happy for those same age couples i think thats cute-i cant imagine myself with an older person than me that can be my dad-eww thats still gross or even worst my grandpapa.
Revolutionary Girl
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
That picture is TERRIBLE! But my partner is 6 years older then me and its all those things except the salt and pepper hair and the pretty one. Heck, he’s a fine handsome man. He dresses better then me haha. We don’t use the word old. We use older
Linz
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]
My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and amazing. When ever I remember the age difference (I usually forget it) it blows my mind. We work in the same field and have a lot in common in that way, but also have a lot to show each other as well. He always wants to cuddle or hold hands, even if it is just while sitting on the couch watching TV.
My guy hasn’t been “fixed-up” in the sense that he has great towels and I would never allow him to pay for everything, but it is amazing and very different from experiences I have dating men my own age (I’m 29). I agree with all of the reason except 4 and 10.
#12 HE CAN COOK!!!
SueSue
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
@ bethlynoo - I resent that - lol!
And yes, salt & pepper is hot to death!
Queen Frostine
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]
The picture isn’t terrible. It looks like Anderson Cooper. And I SO hit that.
bumbler
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
That is Roger Sterling from Mad Men and we do not talk bad about Roger.
og217
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
My husband is older, and all those reasons are totally true
AnitaBath
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]
@dopaminer: You sound maybe slightly threatened. Let’s not forget that you will eventually be that “old guy”. Are you saying that you’re going to be decrepit and impotent at 40 or 50?
“Old” is also relative to the age. I’m currently seeing someone who’s eighteen years older than me and almost 40, but I’m enjoying myself
I can’t yet decide whether I want a full-fledged relationship, and neither can he.
As for the argument, “When you were 3, he graduated high school”. True, but when he graduated high school, he wasn’t trying to molest little girls (hopefully). When you’re over eighteen and an ADULT, it’s completely okay and legal.
NomChompsky
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]
I tend to question why a man would want somebody decades younger than he. Sometimes, it’s just a case of compatibility, but often in my experience it’s slightly more sinister than that.
Nobody else sees the irony in pushing this as a defense of dating older men?
Bueller?
joyy
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]
@dopaminer - not all women who are dating older men are after “creepy older guys”. I mean those guys are definitely out there, but that’s not what the experience of dating someone noticably older is necessarily like.
sarahprotzman
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 03:58 pm: [report]
What about in 40 years? The lifestyles of a 60-year-old and an 80-year-old are DRASTICALLY different.
retro chic
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]
And what new name do we bestow on these older guys – or the young women, more to the point:
cougar: nah, taken
puma: wup, that’s gone too
hyena: eh, never caught on
I dated/was in relationships with older divorced men almost exclusively in my 20s–30s. Older : Better. I look back now, and after reading some commenters’ travails of peer-aged SOs, it makes me appreciate them more. I didn’t experience the same games and drama from my older BFs.
As for “baggage,” everyone has it:
Older man with baggage – good carry-on, ready to go
vs.
Peer-age guy who’s still out looking for what to stuff in an overnight bag.
I look at it this way: If dating older is approached as more experiential, than marriage-goaled, then there are more wonderful “gifts” by being with older men (or women for men) that you and your future mate will benefit by.
I highly recommend at least one relationship with an older man that has all the pluses working for him. Doesn’t mean you have to marry him, but experience something really good that will allow you to grow into “you” better.
Guys: Same goes for you: date/have a relationships with a few older women. More hot. Less stress. Go, Dopaminer.
These days I like ‘em younger. The cruel irony now is I’m with someone younger – hot as hell, but the “oldest” of the lot. As in, old in the head.
ps: HE stalked me.
pps: While Roger Sterling is sexy on MM, I would not date him now.
Riley
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 04:09 pm: [report]
@Retro - Such an erudite commentor, your sage advice will be jotted down in many-a-diary.
SCRMOM
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
@retro chic:
Brilliant!
ankle
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 05:45 pm: [report]
And he makes you feel young!
slip
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 05:58 pm: [report]
As one of those older mean, I’d like to thank you for appreciating us publicly. We never tire of it.
What we do tire of is women like Sue. I’d bet $100 that she felt your man should have been reserved for a woman her age. We hear that A LOT. Apparently we’re afraid of women our own age or we’re suffering from the Peter Pan syndrome or something. I don’t know—I tune them out pretty quickly.
Slip
slip
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 06:00 pm: [report]
Actually, let’s make that $1,000. At my age, I can spare it.
Slip
dharmagirl
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]
lol, all the younger men are SO threatened! Just wait, you won’t be saying the same thing at all in 20 years.
draymond
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 08:06 pm: [report]
Any womon getting into a seriously into a long term May-December romance (one with more than two decades between you) rather than a fling should think of a couple of things.
First, sooner or later he is going to have something seriously go wrong. Then you will be converted from lover to nurse. Can you handle that?
Second, your chances of outliving him are pretty slim. Are you ready to face being a young widow?
meredith806
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
C. Munro..I think I might have I slight internet crush on you..little bit haha
DancingGeek
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
I always think guys my age are too old for me. But different strokes. Roger Sterling is hot and so is James Morrison(he played Bill Buchanan on 24) but other than that nah.
@draymond- is that RICH young widow?? LOL
BijouJanae
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 08:47 pm: [report]
Sort of seemed like the writer was highlighting financial virtues, but I take that back. I see where she’s going. Younger guys might not be as…gallant…as an older man when it comes to the old chevalier ways.
Ghirardelli
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:02 pm: [report]
I’ve always had the hots for older men.
wild-ting
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:10 pm: [report]
He Doesn’t Stay Out Late: He might be a ladies’ man, but after a certain age, he’s not out on the prowl every night in da club lookin’ for a fresh piece. He just wants to hang with you.
BEWARE! They may not be prowling at the bars but A LOT of 50+ guys are trolling the Net for women, and fudging their age and lying about their height by 2-3 inches.
wild-ting
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 10:13 pm: [report]
I used to like dating older men. I’ve dated as much as 14 and 16 yrs older. But that got well…old fast. They weren’t as active as I needed them to be; even the guy that was an avid marathon runner.
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:38 pm: [report]
Good gracious, but I’m glad my experience hasn’t been the same as some of those expressed in the other comments:
(1) NO need whatsoever for Viagra or Cialis; my husband has no issues in the bedroom, and is the best lover I’ve EVER had, hands down;
(2) He’s not “creepy” or “desperate”;
(3) He’s handsome (doesn’t hurt he looks 10 years younger than he actually is—and helps that he’s been a surfer for all his life);
(4) We have MUCH in comment (I beg to differ with some of these comments to the tune of “but what do you have in common?”—are you so shallow that you’d think that folks with an age difference don’t have anything in common??? How ignorant);
and (5) Why should I settle for a relationship with someone nearer to my age when I’ve found the love of my life?
I, for one, am TRULY blessed, and these asinine comments about “creepy old men” and such don’t apply to my 10+ years going-strong marriage.
Guess I’m just lucky like that.
sparklestar
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]
I dated a guy 12 years older than me and he was just a man-child. He’d never settled down because he *couldn’t* and didn’t see the point in treating a woman with any respect because “they’d all left him in the past”.
He was bitter, rejected and had unrealistic expectations for our relationship. Also, I was 17 when the relationship started and he was 29. I’m now 25 and I wouldn’t date a 17 year old, what was he thinking ??
He’s now dating somebody for whom english is not a first language and has just bought his first house - at the age of 40 !!!!!!
bitchin
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
Lots of pros for the older man, but i recently dated a 45 year old…eleven years my senior and here are the cons…
-Chances are if he has not been married and hasn’t been in a committed relationship for quite some time, he is not going to be emotionally available to you.
- Uncompromising
- Selfish. Way selfish in ways that have nothing to do with the bedroom.
-
SouthOC
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
In praise of older men using a baseball analogy:
Note: I’m 51 and happily married to my 49 year old hottie.
- we may not have a 95 mph fastball anymore , but we can still hit 90 mph when we have to
- we have more control, and are less wild
- we have advanced knowledge of the “strike zone” and know how to hit the corners
- we’ve developed our “off-speed pitches” like the slider and over-hand curve
- we’ve worked with the same catcher for so long that we trust them to call a great game
- we don’t mess around with performance enhancing drugs, but rely on being experienced and crafty
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
@SouthOC:
1. Catchers don’t call the game.
2. Old guys are terrible base runners.
3. Retire, and become a batting coach if you want to stay in the game.
4. Can’t slide (Lay yourself out) into home anymore due to bad joints and muscles.
I could go on, but I want lunch.
MediaExecutive
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 11:52 am: [report]
First this:
“But I wasn’t some gold digger trying to claw at his cash account”
Then this:
“he’ll always take it because a man of his years makes more money”
Lolz
slip
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 12:14 pm: [report]
@dopaminer, education is no substitute for experience. Older guys have both.
Slip
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
@Dopaminer—not sure why it should matter, but 11 years. Is it so hard for you to realize that people can have a GOOD experience in such a relationship?
Frankly, to me, seems like it’s all about compatibility. I’m not saying that every “older man” is a keeper. But, hell, you can’t say that every “younger man” is a keeper. Same with women.
Whether the couple are interracial, May/December, white/blue collar, it truly comes down to: “Are these two people compatible? Are they happy together? Do they love each other?”
And for me, thankfully, the answers to those questions are YES.
By the way, I never intended to date and marry an older man. Just happened that way.
Kate134
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]
“Sue"s are everywhere. Mine was a b*tch named Carmen (peruvian whore!). At a restaurant with his friends she was flirting with him in french assuming I didn’t understand (which I did!) and told him loudly that I was very young (20 at the time, he was 33 - but she really had no idea what my age was) I asked her in french, that I had missed her last comment could she repeat it. She touches my hand, and in english says “I think you’re very young.”
I was soooo close to tearing that bitch a new one, but I behaved like a lady (unlike her!). Drank my wine and ignored her the rest of the night. Ohhh but if I saw her in a dark alley she would have one angry american on her hands. Luckily for her she moved to France with her ugly husband.
bumbler
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
Eh this list is basically find yourself a good guy. Don’t date a young douche don’t date an old douche. I’m 1 year older than my husband and I’d say he fulfills every one of these except the someone else fixed him up one (he didn’t need it to begin with) and the salt and pepper hair although even at 25 he has a few strands of white in that thick black mane that I love.
sunara_rayne
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]
I would like to say that I don’t think the point of this article was to convince women to ultimately marry way-older men, but just to say, that if you are a young woman, it would behoove you to at least experience being with an older man for a while, if at least to learn how it feels to be treated really well!!
slip
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]
@dopaminer, it means that education tells you how things should be, but experience shows you how they are. A mix of both is ideal, but you won’t understand that until you’ve got some experience to round out your education.
Experience will teach you is that there are douchebags of every age, that you shouldn’t form an opinion on a sample of one especially if your mother’s private life is part of that sample, and that what creeps you out may get someone else off.
And that’s OK, too.
Slip
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]
@dop - im a kid too, but hes got a point. experience leads to wisdom. none of us knows anything. talk to a vietnam vet about life. then have him talk to a WWII vet. etc. someone, somewhere has lived through more stuff than you’ve had dreams or nightmares about. no matter who you are. props to old guys. may they live in peace and stay off myspace.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]
what kid are you talking about? you missed my point. someone has more experience.
and old dudes can date young chicks. its creepy, but i dont care. if i was single id be scoring with cougars and young chicks both.
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
@dopaminer - The bottom line seems to be your own bitterness. Just because your mom snagged herself a total loserdouche doesn’t mean you can extrapolate that to conclude every instance of age gap is a case of a creepy old guy seeking a woman for nothing more than her (younger) age.
There are guys that do that, but there are plenty of couples who are compatible in a number of ways (life goals/maturity level/shared interests/common values/etc) who just happen to have an age gap.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]
yeah but you gotta look at it as a ratio, not a set number. if shes 30 and hes 40 thats 3/4 of his age. so if youre 24 that would be like dating an 18 year old, which isnt that wierd.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:23 pm: [report]
things arent stacked against us. and you brought your mom up, not us.
I Go To 11
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
Eh, I’m over this stuff. I used to ONLY date older men. The biggest age gap was 13 years, which didn’t seem so bad at first…until I found out he graduated from high school with my uncle (and, in fact, they were friends back in the day). Yeah, I got pretty creeped out by that.
After a string of disappointments, I met a wonderful guy who happened to be 6 months younger than I am. I had never dated anyone so much as a day younger than me before, so even though 6 months doesn’t seem like much, I’d been used to dating guys 5+ years older. Turns out, it worked, and we got married last month. He’s more mature and emotionally stable than a vast majority of the older guys I’d dated (and a much more considerate lover), too.
Therefore, age doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with maturity level, self-assuredness, sexual prowess, etc. More power to you if you’re into older guys, but it’s not my thing now.
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]
@dopa - well, *you* were the one who brought up your mom, but I did NOT see an arranged marriage explanation coming, very interesting. But still, you basing your personal tastes on your own experience) is one thing - alleging that every other instance of things that don’t appeal to you is creepy and wrong (which you’ve been doing all over this thread) is another.
As for who’s left to date you? Um, anyone you please. Don’t want to date a younger girl? Don’t. If you want to date an older lady, do it. If you meet a nice woman your own age, go for it. It sounds like you’ve stacked a whole bunch of arbitrary stuff up all by yourself buddy.
slip
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:54 pm: [report]
@dopaminer, I understand. I used to hate older guys who waltzed off with women I wanted to date. It won’t be much consolation, but things will blossom when you hit 40. It can be incredibly hot to think that when I was in the Army, my date was riding a school bus in pigtails. The key is to make it work for both parties. ‘Cause like Chris Rock said, “They all got daddy issues.”
Heh.
@MuchoMacho, thanks for “may they live in peace and stay off myspace.” I laughed out loud at that. And I promise to stay off myspace.
Slip
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]
@dopa - actually, you seemed to insinuate that your father wasn’t a good catch, I just got colorful with the paraphrasing. As for an arranged marriage being “interesting” to me - it is as I don’t know anyone who is in (or the product of) one. The arbitrary things I mention are the ‘societal pressures’ you only give credit to by following. There’s no actual rule saying you can’t date an older woman, hence it’s arbitrary that you’re whining there’s no one left for you to date.
And if your opinion on older men isn’t about your parents life, then why would you say “Whatever happened with my parents it happened in the past. I am basing my opinions of older men based on that experience.”?
sunara_rayne
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:18 pm: [report]
LOL @ Dopa, Joy, & Slip. Great reading!! hahaha In fact I think I’m kinda hot for Slip!! hahaha
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:35 pm: [report]
@dopa - I’ll rephrase that to “that I know about” then, despite having grown up in podunk towns and lived in larger cities as well (not nyc/la/chi big, though). And btw, there is a lot of diversity in cities/towns between rural SD and LA.
My brother’s gf is 10 years older than him, my bf is 8 years older than me. Not everyone’s cup of tea, for sure, but it seems odd that you’re so up in arms about someone potentially insulting your parents when you are so quick to judge other peopel’s relationships because they don’t appeal to you. Those rules only matter if you let them.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:40 pm: [report]
@dop - if ur having problems getting ladies your own age, youre probably in the right spot to learn. but that involves not attacking people in the comments section… shhhhhh. listen. learn. educate yourself. gain experience.
slip
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]
@dopa, thanks. It gets better, trust me. Check your PM’s in a minute.
@sunara_rayne, do you need help with homework again?
Slip
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:47 pm: [report]
@joyy: you hit the nail on the head—What works for some may not work for others, and I think dopa’s problem is that he IS very quick to judge.
Seriously—no one’s ASKING you, dopa, to accept a relationship which you may feel is strange, or in your word (used over and over) “creepy.” Just accept that your perspective is just one of many, and that how you feel isn’t necessarily how others feel.
Strange that there’s so much “fighting” over this. Isn’t truly a personal issue??
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:55 pm: [report]
“How would you react if I called your parents something?”
(And how am I supposed to react when dopa continues to refer to my husband, because he’s older, as “creepy”?)
Pure silliness. I’ll continue to read this string, because it amuses me, but I don’t think there’s much more of value to be added to the conversation, especially by dopa.
slip
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:56 pm: [report]
@dopa, tried sending you a PM but no luck. Maybe I can reply if you send me one?
Slip
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:58 pm: [report]
And one more clarification: my relationship is 11 years going strong.
The age gap is 20 years.
Word.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]
color me shocked that this guy has a hard time getting laid…
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]
@dopa - again, you painted a negative picture of him, especially by referring to him as your mother’s husband instead of as your father (I do that too - especially since my dad is a douche). I’m not apologizing because this is the effing internet and you need to chill out.
And I understand the concept of arranged marriages, it’s just not something that came to mind when I read your comments, so you’re the one assuming that I’m just blown away by the very existence of the idea, not to mention the bogus assertion that people who live in small towns are uneducated/lack an understanding of cultures other than their own. Plenty of people DO fit that bill, but correlation =\= causation.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]
were we supposed to assume he was a wonderful fatherly figure after this descrition?
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:10 pm: [report]
@dopa - also didn’t get the impression you were talking about your father.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
@dop - sorry to invade your private conversation on this public forum. i didnt call your father anything, but since im sitting in america (the land of the free), and this is the internet, sure i have the “freedom” to call anyone anything i want. i just dont. and you said older husbands were creepy, which would indicate you think all older husbands are creepy. she wins.
i have fun on frisky and dont really want to do the whole internet argument name calling tough guy thing, so im stepping out of this one. ill read what everyone else has to say with glee though.
joyy
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
I am chill. I just think it’s hilarious that a grown man is all upset about a stranger on the internet who misinterprets things about his personal life that he openly and willingly puts out on the internet. May I respectfully request that you grow a thicker skin? Let’s start with ‘yo momma’ jokes.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:25 pm: [report]
example - yo mama is such a ho she married a guy 8 years her elder AGAINST HER WILL!!!! BOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!!!!!!
SouthOC
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:38 pm: [report]
@Cheese: Pay attention. I’m talking about an older PITCHER… Give me Greg Maddux over a young guy who can throw 98 mph any time. And yes, catchers DO call the pitches. Stick to hockey.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:51 pm: [report]
i found both of those on google. you used google.
like off of google?
im so excited to leave work… wont be back on frisky till monday, so i can forget about this thread…
C.Munro
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 05:13 pm: [report]
Woah, cool.
But would Internet society accept the age difference?
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 05:15 pm: [report]
@C. Munro - I for one most certainly would NOT.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 08:57 pm: [report]
@oldguyfromoc: No, the umpire calls the pitches. The catcher signals the pitches. You need to watch more baseball.
Also, hockey is a much better game.
ouseau
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 10:37 pm: [report]
My last relationship was with an older guy (8 years my senior) and he was an exception to a few of the reasons. We went dutch a few times, he doesn’t have a reliable career, and I wish he was a bit more assertive with himself. His redemption was that he was very good in the bedroom.
majicksand
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 04:43 pm: [report]
I’ve only ever had one older guy hit on me that I would have considered dating. He was a great guy, but he looked just like my favorite uncle. I just couldn’t do it.
loveitlala
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]
I dated a much older man for a long time and he never paid for #&@$% and will be a perpetual bachelor—no need for company at all. Boo, I wasn’t a fan looking back… he clearly and continuously was taking advantage of my naivety.
loveitlala
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 06:22 pm: [report]
luke15chick i think we dated the same guy
spanishdoll
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 08:04 pm: [report]
Yeah, my last relationship was with a guy 9 years older than me. It took me a while to realize that his age gave him no advantages in terms of maturity or security. While he was in a tough position in his life, most of that probably came from a foolish lack of forethought on his part. After we both moved away and split up I looked back and saw clearly all the times he was stingy—both monetarily and emotionally!
Maybe my first warning sign should have been the fact that he was a 31-year-old picking up a young 20-something at a Hollywood bar. :\
fatbikez
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
I feel ya on that
missyxjoanna
wrote on November 15 2009 @ 12:52 am: [report]
i completely agree with all except 2,9, and 10. im 19 and im currently seeing this guy whos 29, sure that’s a gap, but his body is that of a 24 year old but has a mind of a 30 year old. we’re both in college hes about to graduate and i have 2 more years. still, our age difference does not bother us. we spend alot of time together and we’ve grown attached. when relationship talks happen, then our ages show ! but, he’s my number one.
flirty lee
wrote on November 15 2009 @ 07:02 pm: [report]
OH my word, thank goodness dopaminer stopped posting! While entertaining, he seemed a tad contradictory and his comments seemed close-minded…
Anywhoo, here’s my bit. I proudly say that my boyfriend is 28 years my senior. While we have only been together a little over half a year, he is the best one I’ve ever had in every way, shape, and form. No, I’m not looking for a sugardaddy, I don’t let him pay for everything although he always offers. I have gone so far as to hide the dinner check from him and running off to pay it myself so we won’t have the silly fight over who pays.
Physically he has the appearance of Richard Gear who in my opinion is hotttt!!! And I don’t see his manhood wearing out anytime soon, thank you very much.
I am personally offended whenever an older man dating a younger woman is referred to as a creep, because it simply isn’t true. Age is a number, nothing more. Yes, there are creeps and douches out there, but mine is the most compassionate, caring, sweet, and so patient. I appreciate that he knows who he is and recognizes that I am still “learning.” And we have tons in common, despite the beliefs of some. I actually talked to him online daily for two months before meeting him in person and he had no idea what I looked like for a month and a half, so he did not go after me due to physical attraction.
We’re 28 years apart, incredibly compatible, and insanely in love
atypicaljames
wrote on November 15 2009 @ 07:58 pm: [report]
Oddly, been on both sides of the age gap—as a young man (of 20) I dated a woman eleven years my senior, and as a now older man (of 36) I am dating a woman fifteen years my junior; between the two were women +/- four or five years, typically. No great wisdom to offer here, I guess I just feel lucky to have had such a range of experiences. That, and I definitely think I’m a much better person as a result of those accumulated years. I doubt my current ladyfriend would have much liked that 20-year old twerp of yesteryear : )
dizzy
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 08:45 am: [report]
Nothin’ wrong with marrying them, too. I highly recommend it!
Leo's Bird
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
I’ve dated older, and I’ve dated younger (I’m only 22, so not TOO much younger, haha) and had good experiences both ways. Also had bad experiences both ways! It’s the person, not the number.
Colinboudreaux
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 08:26 pm: [report]
I am in my mid 40s but strangely enough find far more pretty women in their 20s attracted to me than when I was in my 20s. I had no idea so many younger women like older men. I am fortunate that I look younger than I am but it’s more than that, their attraction grows more when they get to know me. I am somewhat well off and I have no doubt that is part of it, but it’s been a nice suprise. Not sure how long it will last though ...
Kai29
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
I have been seeing a guy who’s 16 yrs older than I. I’m 29, he’s 45. Everything on the list applies to him. But I will say that I agree that there are some older men that are the total opposite. My ex husband was 14 yrs older than I and had the maturity of a 12 year old and acted as if he was allergic to making money. It was really ridiculous! I’m just glad that now I have someone around that is very good to me.
Oreo
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]
I have no questions as to why a younger woman would find an older man to be an ideal partner, but I’m awfully curious to know why older men date much younger women.
What’s wrong with older women that a man has to get involved with a woman who was in kindergarten when he turned 30?
What is the attraction that this man sees in a younger woman that he is unable to find in a woman his own age? What do younger women have to offer him that an older woman does not?
So far, the only thing I can come up with is that the older man might find a younger woman more physically attractive. I don’t know…seems like a pretty shallow jackass move by the older man any way you slice it.
I wonder if these younger women can live with knowing that if their mind and their personality were in a body 30 years older, this same “wonderful” man would probably be dating their daughter instead. I guess a fools paradise is better than no paradise at all. You can only hope that your youth outlives his lifespan. There’s always a new generation of women for him to choose from after you’re over the hill.
C.Munro
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 02:23 pm: [report]
Physical attraction is only part of it.
I have a habit of dating younger women mainly because younger women generally have more interest in dating me than women my own age. Most of the women I meet who are my age are either married or in serious relationships.
There’s a practical side to it as well. I just turned 34, and I’m not entirely convinced that I never want kids and all that stuff. If I were to marry a woman my own age, I’d have to get on it pretty quickly, but dating women who are a bit younger buys me more time.
But I’ll also admit that there’s a part of me that enjoys pissing off my female friends who think I should be with someone my own age (read: someone like them). Their arguments are silly, their nosy behavior obnoxious. Frankly, if I’m dating, I’m going to date the hottest girl I can get who still has a fun personality. And that girl usually isn’t in her 30s.
slip
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
@Oreo, at 48, I’m speaking from experience. Physical attraction is part of what men my age see in younger women. The rest is not what younger women have, it’s what they lack. Many 40-ish women are deeply bitter. What remains of their beauty is fading no matter how they try to hang on to it. These women are used to having a river of men from which to choose—especially if they were attractive before—and when the river slows to a trickle, the lonely nights are mighty hard to take. They can curse cruel fate all they want, but the answer is always there, staring back them from the mirror. Many of these women are also custodial parents of teenagers. Parenting teenagers is tough even in a strong marriage, but it’s brutal after divorce and it greatly restricts their schedules. The bitterness is far worse if the woman’s ex took up with a younger, more attractive woman, as is usually the case.
So when you date women in their 40’s, you deal with a lot of anger and bitterness. Sometimes it gets pointed your way. That gets old very quickly, and men my age are tempted to take up with what are essentially girls.
On the other hand, there are a few 40-something women out there who still have a positive outlook on things. They’re a breath of fresh air. I ran into one a few weeks ago, and I’m going to hustle to keep her around.
As for what the younger women think about how their lives might be if their bodies were different, I’ve never met one who gave it much thought. They seem to think things will always be as they are.
And thus the circle begins anew.
Slip
flirty lee
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 03:30 am: [report]
I’m sure for men physical attraction is a part of it, but it’s also a very individual thing. My boy and I began our friendship because I wanted a guitarist to help me work on some songs, we never expected to fall in love so fast.
P.S. dompaminer, I couldn’t get the PMs you sent, my inbox still says it’s empty
Oreo
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 06:32 am: [report]
I appreciate your honesty and insight, but I can’t help but to think that high school teachers who date their students use these same arguments. The “hottest girl they can get” just might be a 16 year old cheerleader who is far less bitter and more fertile than a woman in her late 20’s and early 30s.
It seems that the argument for the older man is that women have an expiration date that kicks in somewhere around age 32, after which they have “gone bad”, so the man might as well get a fresh girl.
If that isn’t objectifying women, I don’t know what is.
AnitaBath
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 07:37 am: [report]
I don’t think there’s any need to bunch all the older men who date younger women in one basket. Sure, there probably are guys who are with younger women solely for physical attraction, but what about when you just happen to have a lot in common with the other person (and yes, before everyone jumps on me, it IS possible to have a lot in common with someone a lot older/younger than you).
Sometimes men habitually date women younger than them, but sometimes it’s also a one time thing. I don’t think there’s any need to brand them as a shallow pervert or anything.
JACK_W
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 08:25 am: [report]
Oreo I think that you’re letting your anxieties get the better of you.
FWIW all of the couples that I know, who are 10 or more years apart in age, where the woman is younger, are in their 30’s and 40’s respectively. They’d typically met when the she was in her 30’s.
This seems to be a good arrangement. Men and women tend to age differently. The attitudes and perspective of a man in his early 40’s is often a lot like that of a woman in her early 30’s. They’re in similar stages of their lives. It’s not a difference in maturity so much as a difference in needs and priorities.
Oreo
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]
No anxiety…just a perspective.
I don’t even really consider a woman in her early 30’s with a man in his early 40’s to be in a cross-generational relationship.
I’m talking about a man in his mid to late 30’s or 40’s (or older) dating a girl under 25.
slip
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 04:29 pm: [report]
@Oreo, you’d be astonished at the differences between people in their early 30’s and those in their early 40’s.
Slip
C.Munro
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 04:35 pm: [report]
@Oreo: That’s a bit of a stretch. How much fun can they be if they can’t legally get into a bar? Sleeping with minors is not anywhere close to dating someone 5-10 years younger as you’re settling into your 30s or 40s or whatever. Same argument or not, any thinking person can distinguish between grossly inappropriate behavior and a general dating history influenced by both convenience and preference.
Oreo
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]
I suppose that depends on whether or not you like to go to bars.
These “relationships” may not be illegal, but it’s objectifying women just the same. If that’s what you’re into, that’s perfectly fine and legal. Men are free to pursue a sexual relationship preference of young college girls, but others are free to think that you’re treating women as sex objects with an expiration date. The freedom door swings both directions.
Middle aged men who date college aged girls remind me of the Chris Rock joke about minimum wage (“Getting paid minimum wage is like saying that I’d pay you less, but it’s against the law”). I can’t help but to believe that they’d happily go younger if it were legal and/or the opportunity arose.
BiancaDivine
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 05:27 pm: [report]
Hi, Oreo - man oh man, this thread won’t end, huh? That’s good, it’s nice to hear everyone’s perspectives and opinions… because, in the end, that’s all this is: folks sharing their own opinions, based on whatever perspectives they have.
That being said, I will state that I am extremely happy to confirm that your broad generalizations about middle-aged men who date younger women do not apply to every older man who happens to date (or marry) a younger woman. My husband doesn’t brand me a sex object, though of course, we have a healthy love-life. And, equally as important, he has ascribed me no “expiration date” (how offensive is that term used in this context, by the way?) It just so happened that, for the two of us, we are extremely compatible *despite* the age difference. If he’d approached me because he had a penchant for younger women, maybe it’d be different (his ex-wife is right around his age). Thankfully, that’s not the case.
Interesting perspective, though; and thanks for sharing it in “non-attack mode” (scroll up to the comments when I was most active on this thread, and you’ll see what I mean).
C.Munro
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 06:35 pm: [report]
Oh, puh-leez. Almost everything about dating is objectifying to people if you want to look at it that way. Saying I want an attractive mate is not at all uncommon for men or women. And it’s a simple matter of demographic fact that there are fewer single women who are my own age than women in their mid-20s.
You make it sound as if any male who has a younger partner is out prowling the dorms. Frankly, I find that offensive as well as naive.
Oreo
wrote on November 18 2009 @ 09:00 pm: [report]
I often wondered why people use the words “offense” and “offended” the way that they do, as if they’re supposed to inspire some sort of regret on behalf of the person who offended the individual.
It’s ok to be offended. You ought to be offended. There’s nothing wrong with that. With freedom of speech and the sharing of viewpoints comes the acceptance that you will be offended. No one is entitled to a life in which they will not be offended.
I disagree that “almost everything about dating is objectifying to people”, but the statements in this forum (more from slip than yourself) that older men prefer younger girls because they are more attractive and less “bitter” (in other words, naive enough to believe the nonsense that a man says when an older woman would know better). It comes across very strongly that women are objects to be consumed by their expiration date, at which point they no longer appeal to you.
I don’t know. I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree. If you’re going to date girls who are that much younger than you, you’re just going to have to deal with the stigma that comes along with that because it isn’t going to go away (nor do I believe that it should).
C.Munro
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 01:17 am: [report]
Perhaps no one is entitled to an offense-free existence, however indifference to the reactions one’s expressions provoke shows a lack of civility in my book. You’re essentially saying, “you don’t like what I say, tough.” Which you are entitled to do, but it isn’t a particularly good foundation for the exchange of ideas, nor is it effective in getting anyone to care remotely about seeing your side of the argument.
I’ve nothing against women my own age. There simply are far fewer of them who are single and childless than women who are younger than I. Therefore, I am less likely to date them.
Oreo
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 06:05 am: [report]
You don’t have to keep explaining yourself.
Essentially, we’re both saying “you don’t like what I say, tough” when it comes right down to it. I apologize that my opinions are not tailored in such a way that they are easy to swallow for people who hold opposite viewpoints, but that’s life.
Society has trended in such a way that everyone is entitled to take offense at whatever they wish, and that is fine. The part that I have a problem with is that the “offender” is somehow obligated to qualify their statements or make some sort of apology for your reaction. I make no apology and stand by my opinion, just as you stand by yours, yet I feel that we’re being perfectly civil. Civility does not mean treating everyone with kid gloves, or at least it shouldn’t.