10 Ways To Be Unproductive In The New Year

It’s already two weeks into the New Year, and people are still being all motivated and productive and infuriatingly resolved. One friend is detoxing with her boyfriend, while another is spending five hours a week volunteering for Unicef. Another is playing the piano at his local nursing home, and yet another has upped her hours at work, in an attempt to snag a promotion. And then there’s your co-worker, who has stopped using credit cards, and can therefore no longer accompany you to Banana Republic after work. How insufferable! At a time when everyone is toiling and laboring and spending 40 minutes a day on the elliptical machine, isn’t it time you made a promise to yourself to be…unproductive? More after the jump…

You’ve had a rough 2008. Why don’t you take a load off, and:

1. Spend at least six hours watching that “House” marathon, or perhaps even those back-to-back re-runs of “Top Chef.” And did you know that you can play along with “Bingo America” on the Game Show Network!?

2. Brew some crimson nectar tea, and then climb into bed with seven of your favorite magazines for one gloriously cozy evening. Refuse to be ashamed of your subscriptions to Lucky and Glamour. And save all the fat-heavy recipes from Real Simple.

3. Treat yourself to a movie, with a side of extra buttery popcorn.

4. Sleep in on Saturday. Nothing’s so important that it can’t wait a few hours (or a few days). While you’re at it, feel free to ease into your day with at least a solid half hour of Free Rice. It keeps the mind nimble, with a minimum of effort on your part.

5. Learn something that has no practical applications, at least when it comes to your 9-to-5. Take a photography class. Learn how to roll your own sushi. Dare to try out that improv workshop you’ve had your eye on, but have been too frightened to try.

6. Pretend you’re on “Flip That House,” and redecorate a room in your house using only purchases from the corner convenience store. A new look can freshen up your general outlook like nothing else.

7. Read through a guilty pleasure novel super-fast, stopping only for meals and potty breaks.

8. Dress up and go out for a fancy dinner with your sweetheart, despite the fact that it’s not Valentine’s Day, your birthday, or your anniversary. Splurge on the pricey bottle of wine.

9. Order five greasy pizzas, invite some friends over, and play Mario Kart Wii all night long. Watch as everything eventually devolves into a competitive drinking game.

10. Risk your life. Go hang gliding or jump out of a plane. Nothing else puts the small stuff into perspective like a near-death experience.

Bonus Unproductivity Tip: Remember that new beginnings are not only about working harder, working longer, or depriving yourself of that last Boston Kreme Donut (plus the entire bag of Chex Mix). Take a breath when you need it. And then jump back in.