Doin’ It: The Top 10 Penis Types
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill | Filed in: Guys, Sex
6:30PM, Thursday September 18th 2008
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Every free market has a wide range of available goods. The same holds true for men and their penises. Because it’s important to know what’s out there in phalluses, after the jump are the top ten penis types you’re bound to encounter on the road to Mr. Right Member.
 | 1. The Jalapeño Pepper Ay Caramba ! This curving popper makes a sharp turn. Whether it’s signaling left or right, it’s somehow still headed in your direction. |
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2. Thumbkin' Small and opposable, it proves remarkably useful. In the dark, you might find yourself asking, “Where is Thumbkin'?” Depending on the guy, you might find he knows all the right places to hide. |
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3. The Elephant Trunk It hangs down to the ground, which makes picking things up an impressive feat -- or, in this case, foot. Just like the elephant ride you took on vacation in Timbuktu, you have to be brave and relaxed to ride it. |
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4. Da' Dumbbell The weight is stacked the end. If you raise the bar, this body builder pumps you up in all the right places. |
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5. The Great Pyramid of Penis Wide at the base, this structure ends in a peak. If you’re ready to climb, it’s a hike to the summit, but you'll appreciate the payoff. |
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6. Mr. Pencil Skinny and long, he's no Mini-Man. Attached to a guy with sharpened skills, it can be something to write home about. |
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7. The Soda Canner This cylinder is almost as wide as it is long. Don't be afraid. You’ll be back for refills. |
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8. Super Grower At first glance, it fools you into thinking it’s an average snake in the grass. However, if you really take a good look, you’ll quickly realize it’s a garden hose. |
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9. The Uncut Film Just like bonus raw footage features on the DVD of your favorite movie, this one has enjoyable extras. Oftentimes foreign, it has a cult fan following. |
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10. The Frankfurter Not too big, not too small, the standard size fits perfectly in a variety of ovens. |
[Photos: iStockPhoto.com]
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lilo
[report]wrote on September 19 2008 @ 11:14 am:
Having had experience with several of these types, I’ll take the all-american frank any day. Hold the mustard.
Croutons
[report]wrote on September 19 2008 @ 11:30 am:
All that’s missing is the “Limp Bizkit” - AKA “Mr. Softee”. If you’re hot for blue-haired sugar daddies like I am, you’ll (sadly) encounter those pretty regularly.
Crystal Haidl
[report]wrote on September 20 2008 @ 09:00 am:
I love it! and all of them, too. In which category would one that resembles a hugh curvy egg plant go-- would that be an “a la carte” or a “Combo?”
Kiki T
[report]wrote on September 22 2008 @ 01:32 pm:
I like frankfurters types, the ones that plump when you cook ‘em.
Hardcore kissingtu!
[report]wrote on September 23 2008 @ 10:01 pm:
Ok pencil and frankfurter DUH!
Chucklebutt
[report]wrote on September 24 2008 @ 12:38 am:
Kiki, Lilo, I think I love you.
Aunt Juicy
[report]wrote on September 26 2008 @ 04:59 pm:
...and all time great~ Big like a buffalo,long like a snake!
robert
[report]wrote on September 28 2008 @ 09:00 pm:
If you want to see all the variety that really exists, try visiting http//:theperfectphallus.blogspot.com
Mrs. Candy is the host, and is full of interesting insights and comments. There are lots of contributors, and variety from all over the world.
Don’t be surprised by a lot of gay commentary...it’s just a natural curiosity.
Enjoy.
robert
[report]wrote on September 28 2008 @ 09:02 pm:
sorry...that should have been
http://theperfectphallus.com
another interesting one is http://humanvariation.blogspot.com
This has both male and female contributors. You may even want to contribute your own pix. They appear to need female participants.
Mackenzie
[report]wrote on February 07 2009 @ 08:05 pm:
Haha, I have met a few of these. Good and bad.
That humanvariation site is very interesting! Thanks Robert.