10 Things You Really Don’t Want To Do With Dad
Posted by: Lily Q
Filed in:
news
8:30AM, Sunday June 21st 2009
You know how buying things like condoms and Monistat can be embarrassing? There’s one thing that makes either of those, or anything awkward and vaguely sexual, even more traumatizing: doing them with your dad.
Having bought my first bra with my father (I have no idea why that happened), I’m fairly well-versed in the sort of mortification that comes with such activities. It’s bad enough to buy your first box of tampons, and it only really gets worse when the guy who should never think about your lady parts is carrying them to the register. But purchasing tampons or training bras aren’t the only things you should leave dad out of.
- Visits To The Gynecologist: Avoid it like the plague. Either he’ll sit there stoic but squirmy, silently dying inside, or he’ll get too into it and try to actually talk about what’s happening. Option one sucks, but option two is far worse.
- Underwear Shopping: There is never a time in your life past the age of eight when your dad should be actively involved in the choosing and purchasing of your skivvies.
- Sobering Up: The hangover hurts enough, Daddy’s judging eyes and deep-seated fear that you’re a drunken strumpet won’t help your headache.
- Watching Movies With Sex Scene: Seeing Angie and Brad get it on “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”-style is hot when you’re alone or with friends. With your parents? Ohmygoditssoterrible.
- Traveling To Europe: Even in the states, a decent number of pervy people think that I’m “with” my 54-year-old dad. (Mind you I’m 20). This multiplies exponentially in Europe and you won’t soon forget the randy looks that come your way.
- Early Teen Check-Ups: Don’t know about you, but a lot of us recall having parents in the room during yearly physicals, even well into our early teens. Can you think of anything worse than a doctor touching your junk while your dad’s sitting five feet away?
- First Dance Pictures: You’re all gussied up, braces shining, and your dad’s got the camera. He’s snapping away cause your mom made him, but really he’s wondering if that gel-haired jackass is going to touch his little baby.
- A Trip To The Plastic Surgeon: When I graduated from high school, at least seven girls’ dads bought them new boobs, and another three headed off to college with new noses. First of all, eww. Second of all, ask for a car next time. Your father shouldn’t be financing a means to slutty college years.
- In The Delivery Room: I will never, ever understand people who want their dads to chill in the delivery room while they’re pushing a kid out of their nether regions. It’s the perfect storm of stuff he never wanted to know: 1) You have a vagina, 2) You’ve had sex, and 3) You’re officially not his little girl anymore.
- Picking Up Stuff From Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Place: Do this one yourself, with the new guy, or a friend. If your dad’s the strangling type, the jerk who broke his daughter’s heart will end up battered on the ground. And while that might sound good now, it would result in a lot of messy paperwork later.
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Erin G
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 09:16 am: [report]
My folks were divorced, and I lived with my dad. So when we would go grocery shopping, he’s tell me to go down the “Chick Aisle” and get whatever I needed. He didn’t care being there, but he wasn’t about to chill in the tampon section as I decided between cardboard and plastic. One good thing, I was always able to buy the nice stuff, since he wasn’t about to go and compare prices lol
#3 and #10 aren’t too bad actually. But for #3, it was only after I turned 21 that we would just laugh about it. As for #10, my dad successfully got my stalker ex-bf in high school to leave me alone, so no prob there.
G-Had
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]
#5 is totally true, and it sucks. Ever since I was little girl, my father and I used to go for long walks together and talk about history or books or what-have-you. It was our special father-daughter time, and now that I go to uni in a different city and only see my parents a few times a year, this tradition is more important than ever. When I was 6 years old, people thought our spending time together was adorable. Now that I’m 20 (he’s 44), we get a lot of dirty looks shot our way, and one time a group of teenage boys driving down the street shouted “GOLD DIGGER SLUT!!” at me. Dad was less than impressed, and I tried to laugh it off, but it wasn’t very funny. We used to just walk around our neighbourhood, but we tend to stick to hiking trails now—more privacy, fewer douchebags.
40yrolddad
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]
{sigh} my daughter’s 5 so I have a while before I have to deal w/any of that stuff - I suspect it would be AT LEAST as awkward for me as it would be for her but hopefully mom will cover that part of the field (not sure if there’s a pun in there but if so it’s unintended)...
Anniekins
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 12:31 pm: [report]
My dad and I have gone out drinking a time or two. He meets his buddies weekly at a local bar; I used to stop in and shoot the breeze with them periodically. He’s a lot of fun, and we’ve actually had some very good “heart to heart” talks over a few martinis.
As for number 9, my baby is due in February, and I will NOT be letting either of my parents in the room. Ick. My mom is a nurse who faints when her children are bleeding/hurt. Dad does not need to think of me spread eagle in front of the entire OBGYN staff at the hospital.
Ginger
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 05:53 pm: [report]
I actually bought my first pack of pads with my dad and it’s one of my fondest memories. Mainly because neither of us knew what we were doing.
We weren’t sure if I was getting my period (I was visiting him for the summer and because it was in another country from my mother, I couldn’t just call her up and ask if she agreed) but I kept getting cramps so he said we should buy some just in case it was coming.
The two of us marched down to the grocery store, went to the feminine products aisle, and proceeded to be baffled by the sheer amount of choices. He thought I should have some idea of what to get because I was a girl, I thought he should have some idea because he was an adult and must have seen what women he had met used.
In the end we decided to get me small pads because, as my dad said: “You’re still small. You probably won’t bleed that much”, but, for whatever reason, both of us thought that ‘maxi’ was the smallest size and got a big pack of them. The check out woman gave me one of those ‘oh, you’re becoming a woman’ sort of looks and told my dad that it was good to see a man being comfortable and not freaking out over his daughter’s necessary purchase.
The best part of this is that I didn’t even get my period for two more years (the cramps I had were just from the intense temperature change from home) but, when I did, I was prepared.
Lola
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 09:17 pm: [report]
My dad was teaching me how to drive stick in my new car. When I was getting frustrated, he told me to ease up the grip on the stick and pretend it was a penis… he didn’t use those words either hahaha.
Ginger
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 09:27 pm: [report]
@Lola : My dad once taught me to find ripe tomatoes by ‘fondling them like…’
He got that far before he realized that I was thirteen and a girl.
It’s a fairly decent method though.
Lola
wrote on June 21 2009 @ 09:57 pm: [report]
@Ginger… hahaha the things we learn from our dads. Strange (and useful) but definitely makes for a funny story to share.