10 Things Women Forget To Do During Sex

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

1: That iStockphoto got me hard. I feel shame in admitting that, but it did.

2: Very good list.

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:16 pm: [report]

Guys who want #4 from me can go to hell in my opinion. It’s utterly degrading.

ThatWeirdGamerChick
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]

#1- The first guy I was ever “vocal” with seemed uncomfortable with it even though we were completely alone! He didn’t respond at all and it made me uncomfortable. I’m just naturally loud though, I can’t help it
I thought guys were totally into that? Maybe he was just weird… It’s not like I was screaming or yelling or anything. Huh.

william.paul
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

@Queen Frostine; ok, and?

roastchicken
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]

@ cheese: Why is it so hot that you just admitted that?

@ Queen: I totally agree with you on that one! Leave that up to the porn stars to take a load in the face. Hell no.

I think #1 should definitly apply to men as well. We know that most of you like to keep things quiet when you’re j/o, but it’s okay to let out a moan or two when you’re with us to let us know we’re doing things right.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]

@roastchicken: Heat stroke (Pun oh so intended).

lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]

No way to #4. The chest is fine, but honestly if he wants to come somewhere else, well then I tell him to pull out and I will swallow.

impoddity
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:32 pm: [report]

As a female, I have often encountered the problem of guys being COMPLETELY SILENT during sex, of any kind. It’s freaky when the only sound I hear is the occasional puff of breath. That is a definite deal-breaker for me.

As for #4, while I only enjoy a face pirate with a guy I’m really into, I don’t mind come on my chest. It’s only a bit of sticky, as far as I’m concerned.

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:35 pm: [report]

@william.paul,

I am a person and I require respect. Hitting, punching, spitting and ejaculating on a person’s face is an act of dominance and a way of lessening that person’s worth. It’s saying (to me) that I am inferior and worthless. I am not some object to which you can spray in the face like you’re marking territory. To those who want to cum on a woman’s face, let me ask you this, would you let us piss all over yours?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:36 pm: [report]

@Queen Frostine: Some people are into that.

william.paul
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]

@Queen Frostine: do you have any clue how hard it is to find a girl who is into watersports these days?

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]

Which is why I said “Guys who want #4 from ME can go to hell in my opinion.” I’m not speaking for everyone, although psychologically speaking, it does raise concerns.

roastchicken
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]

@ cheese: It is starting to get a bit warm in here, but I thought it was just me. Hm.

Maybe I’m just wearing too much clothing.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]

@haveyoutriedgrillingyourchicken: Could be, take some off and let me know how it goes.

roastchicken
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

@ Queen & william: I hate to admit this, but I was with a guy who just so happended to be a long distance shooter (I swear that should be an olympic event) and he liked to come on my stomach. Well, I guess we shouldn’t have waited two days in between having sex that time because I actually got a shot in the eye. Omg, I swear my eye burned for two days after that. Lmao.

So I just learned to turn my head away and close my eyes. Maybe I should have worn safety goggles to bed. Hm.

skywalk
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

I have a very dominate personalty and I’m okay with this entire list so I wouldn’t worry too much about anyones personal preference if its legal.

roastchicken
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]

@ cheesethatmeltsinmymouth: Hm..I’m not really wearing much as it is, but I’ll be sure to let you know.

william.paul
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]

@roastchicken that’s hilarious.

@queen frostine; don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to convert you or convince you to take a money shot. Some people get off on it, some people get off on the degredation to themselves, and some people get off on degrading others.

You might think it raises psychological concerns, but tell me what fetish does not?

sklut
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]

Alright calm down you Ice Queen, guys like to come on girls faces because they see it in a porn so don’t read so much into it and if you don’t like it then that’s fine I personally don’t like it either but I’m not going to go all crazy on a guy if he asks. If you tell a guy to go to hell if he asks permission to do something sexual it’s a huge turn off and makes things totally uncomfortable.

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:09 pm: [report]

If someone has a toe sucking fetish or a fetish for wearing heels to bed, that’s not degrading or insulting to anyone. Anyone who gets off in degrading others has psychological issues, imo.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:09 pm: [report]

@roastchicken: ahahaaa… my first boyfriend did the same thing only he shot HIMSELF in the eye with his own stuff… it was the most amazingly hilarious thing ever.
@queenfrostine: to each their own. many guys actually dislike this act as much as you do. on the other hand, there are loads of guys who also would probably like being peed on.

powplz
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

@brandy - my bf came a few inches away from hitting his mouth a few years ago (missed by like, 2 inches to the right). It really was the most amazingly hilarious thing ever, though he looked a little scared as he laughed at it, in which case I informed him that even if it *did* hit his mouth, he’d survive. Afterall, it never killed me

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:15 pm: [report]

brandyalexander, I’ve said it already, but I’m fine with whatever others do in their own beds.

For me, it’s an act of disrespect. And any guy who wants to disrespect me gets kicked to the curb. My face is a representation of who I am. I want respect for that.

william.paul
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:17 pm: [report]

@queen frostine: Those are still fetishes though and on that point they’re just as weird as anything else you can conjure up.

@brandyalexander (have you read Invisible Monsters btw.?) That’s an excellent point, I actually don’t like the act at all.

tk_2009
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:18 pm: [report]

Degradation and insult are a matter of perspective, I think. If you’re not into something and your partner does it anyway (no matter what it is), that is definitely degrading and insulting, not to mention disrespectful. I think the “moneyshot” fetish for many men is simply the strong visual stimulus… I wasn’t into it (or so I thought) until my wife suggested it and now, hooo boy. But, again, it’s something we both enjoy, partially just because of the thrill we get from being so naughty. But that’s sex, eh?

I think most things that happen in the bedroom are outside the realm of degradation as long as everyone is enjoying themselves. That said, the key is mutual respect and enjoyment, anything else strays into dangerous territory.

Humble Bee
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:19 pm: [report]

I don’t mind the list. I’m open to new possibilities, what if I end up liking it?
I don’t think it would be degrading if your with a person you trust and care about. If they treat you well, and happen to like nutting on your face. I don’t see how that can make you feel inferior or belittle you. I never had a guy do it, so I may never know. lol.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:21 pm: [report]

hey william.paul: i have not read it, i’m actually not a big chuck palaniuk (sp?) fan, though many of my friends are. my name is actually inspired by the song by feist

catscratchfever
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]

I brought up #4 to my boyfriend randomly, and he said, “I would never do that. It’s disrespectful.” So apparently that would not have made his day. His saying that kinda made mine, though.

And #9 - Whatever happened to consent? And I’m not sure that just letting the pinky wander would be okay with all the fellas. Some men do not want fingers stuck in their balloon knots.

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]

@Humble Bee “I don’t think it would be degrading if your with a person you trust and care about.”

Degrading is anything that makes you feel worthless and disgusting or inferior. It is subjective and yes, one CAN feel disgusted by someone they trust and care about. I’ve been with guys I’ve loved and they’ve asked for this, and I have felt it was repulsive in the moment. So to me, it’s degrading. Everyone has different views. I respect that.

william.paul
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]

@brandyalexander he isn’t for everyone. At any rate, after Fight Club and Survivor, the rest of his stuff falls off. Do you like the cocktail as well?

brandyalexander
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]

Haha, not much of a drinker, I just like the song

ChoJinn
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:38 pm: [report]

Nothing more distracting, ironically, than a dead-silent girl. Too vocal = cheesy, as in “I know I’m pretty good, but chillax.”

Never really understood the whole cum-on-the-face deal. In the mouth is fine, because she can just swallow it. But if you come on her face, you gotta wipe it off, which requires you to stop, grab a towel, yadda. Seems kinda juvenile, but hey, diffferent strokes.

And yes, penis *massages* are the ticket. I recommend women just avoid the straight up hand job (which usually hurts) and simply massage. And yah, don’t launch out bed for the bathroom right afterwards. I want to launch over to the fridge myself, but I don’t

slestie
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]

@catscratchfever - my bf said the same thing!

but to me, I have a secure relationship. we don’t fight for power, we co-exist peacefully, so even if he did say he wanted to I would be okay with it.

It’s all carbon-based.

Claireific
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]

@tonykuehn I think that’s the ticket. Obviously @Queen Frostine has major issues with getting facials, whereas I don’t really care (just close your eyes tight!). But if you express to your partner that you DON’T want something in bed (like a facial) and they do it anyway to please themselves, your wishes be damned, that’s degradation. As I define it, anyway.

erikasf
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]

What constitutes “slow, gentle, tender” sex? Is that any sexual encounter that last more than 30 minutes? Or, is it more of a technique thing? I can’t even say if I enjoy prefer this because it needs to be defined more clearly. I do know I love aggressive sex, and that I can usually climax in less than 20 minutes.

tweakerbell
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]

@sklut: Um, isn’t that the point of telling someone to “go to hell”? i can’t speak for everyone, but a very easy way to turn me off and make me uncomfortable is to make the assertion that your sexual gratification is greatly enhanced by (or perhaps even dependent on) my sexual humiliation and degradation. while i am aware of the fact that yes, some people actually do get their rocks off by being dominated, degraded and humiliated, it happens to make me feel like #&@$%. far too often, it seems, the simple fact that i am female is enough to make a dude assume that if he blows his load in my face, it will give me an orgasm or something… because “all those bitches in all my porns seem to love it!”

Lynn
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]

@Queen Frostine - You don’t have to answer this if it’s TMI, of course, but do you swallow? If so, is someone cumming in your face different from someone cumming on it?

LostInStars
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]

I don’t forget any of these. Except the wandering pinkie one. Yeeeeah, no. I wouldn’t want him to spring that on me without me telling him to, so unless I ask him or he asks me, that’s not happening.

embi
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]

@QueenFrostine - another woman here chiming in. I agree with you 100%. I am sick of “porn” being the expected method of physical intimacy between a man and a woman. Porn is fantasy- it has no place in my sex life.

lostrun
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]

@QueenFrostine, i’m w/ you. I don’t care what other people do, but no one is coming on my face b/c it is an act of disrespect.

becknee
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]

Three cheers for you, @QueenFrostine , for getting that out there right off! I couldn’t agree more. And for the record, when I brought up this subject with my boyfriend, he was horrified that a guy would even ask a woman to let him do that. He doesn’t read sex blogs; I think I blindside him sometimes - but I highly doubt that he’s the only man who would recoil at the thought of using a partner’s face for target practice.

raqueleza
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]

slestie: i completely agree. as long as there’s mutual respect, nothing’s off limits.

i’ve learned that come in your eye WILL ruin your contact lense, however.

*sam*
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 04:31 pm: [report]

me personally, I’m not a fan of the face-shot, but I’m OK with the chest/stomach. and actually, I was the one who even brought it up!! when I first mentioned it to my bf, he said that he didn’t think he would ever want to do it b/c he thinks it’s degrading, however, once he tried it a couple times, he really liked it, and now there are times that we’re fooling around, and he starts to freak out b/c he doesn’t know where he wants to finish!! but even with all his options, he still knows that the face isn’t one. we both feel that it’s degrading and he respects me too much to splooge all over my face

and as for the wandering pinkie, I never knew that guys liked that before I (well, we) discovered it by accident. for those of you who are thinking that you should just randomly start sticking digits in places, unless that has been specifically asked for/discussed, I wouldn’t advise it!! with my bf, I was giving him a bj and since I know that he really enjoyed me massaging/licking his balls, I just started to see where else was really sensitive that he enjoyed—turns out, the lower parts are REALLY sensitive, so, it just went from there. but, in my mind, if you’re starting to feel around below a guys balls, if they’re not into that, so long as your doing it pretty slowly, they’re going to let you know in a delicate fashion—otherwise, they’re likely to freak out on you!!!

secretsquirrel
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 07:50 pm: [report]

Oh gosh, I’ve done everything listed in the above comments/article and more. The big thing is communication, communication, communication!

Alexa
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]

Oh, good grief @ you folks with the “it’s too degrading” crap. It’s sex - sex is supposed to be down and dirty, fun, enjoyable, let go and do it kind of stuff. I’m not sure how allowing a guy to cum on your face could possibly be “degrading” unless he forces you to do it. It’s one thing to not like it - that’s fine (assuming you’ve actually tried it to see if you really do), but another entirely to just dismiss it as “degrading.”

Jeez, bunch of uptight folks.

TwiMom29
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 08:53 pm: [report]

OK - most of this list? Yuck. I will say that I vocalize quite well - I just wish that my partner would more.

As far as the cum on the face? Uh, no, not for me. I don’t think I’d call it degrading, but I think it’s gross.

*sam*
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:38 pm: [report]

@twimom: what’s so “yuck” about having sex somewhere other than the bedroom or giving him a back/shoulder massage?? and I don’t see how anyone could be grossed out about kissing a guys nipples or making sure you’re not waking the neighbors/roommates/parents. I can maybe see how one would think fast, rough sex or even waiting to wash off is gross, but, that’s really it… (the “money shot” and the rim job/anus play are the only 2 controversial things on the list IMO, which certainly doesn’t compromise “most” as you said). I’m just honestly curious how you find the majority of the list to be “yuck”...

spark
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:40 pm: [report]

i agree 1000000% with Queen Frostine.

and i would NEVER put my finger anywhere near a guy’s #&@$%. just saying.

Alexa
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:41 pm: [report]

LOL @ frisked. Women like you keep women like me in business.

Aurora Indica
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:43 pm: [report]

Just a thought as far as those of us into power plain being a bit psychologically askew….

A) Doubtful. I think power play, minus extreme forms of degredation and abuse/torture, shows a great power over your psyche.

B) So what? If the person is normal in their daily life, leads a happy, healthy, successful lifestyle, and they get off a bit on some domination and submission, who does it hurt?

My boyfriend and I actively engage in power play and switch roles all the time. To me its our way of demonstrating complete trust and willingness to COMPLETELY satisfy the partners needs. I WANT to please him completely, in any way when hes in charge and he wants to please me in any way when im in charge.

Its great And healthy

Aurora Indica
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:48 pm: [report]

@Queen

I think CONTEXT is KEY to any sort of sexual activity and whether its degrading or not.

Ive never let my boyfriend cum on my face but if he wanted to, id let him.

No. It wouldnt be degrading. Id understand his reasoning: My cum is a representation of my sexuality and my complete sexual pleasure. Her face is pretty, I love her face. She will look #&@$% HOT with my cum on her face.

Now, if his idea of fun was to cum on my face, call me a slut, spit in my face, and be a general dick during and after the act, of COURSE its degrading.

catscratchfever
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]

@Alexa - I think what makes it degrading is the fact that one or both partners feel that it is degrading.

CatGoesNomNom
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:08 am: [report]

Not to get all theoretical, but I think what makes the money shot degrading to many women is the fact that it turns the woman into a sort of recepticle. Think about it: the face is, besides a few other things, what makes a woman unique visually from other woman. No two women have the same face (besides twins obvy). So, my face keeps me from anonymity. When a man wants to cum on my face, he is obscuring that uniqueness. So, I become a nameless, faceless “person,” or really, just an object for him to cum on. I think this may explain why a lot of women object to it, because being made to feel like that is awful. And I’m all for doing things to please our partners, but please try to remember how many things originate from porn (shaved pussy, money shot) and somehow become “the norm” in society. Be honest guys: if it wasn’t glorified in porn, do you think regular guys would become obsessed with wanting to cum on a girl’s face? That’s a pretty creative/or obscure thing to want, without some prompting.

And by the way, I love doing power play in bed, and frankly I don’t see cumming on a woman’s face as part of healthy power play. I think it’s more of a thrill because it IS degrading, just like some men get turned on by calling his partner a whore or slut.

catscratchfever
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]

@CatGoesNomNom - Interesting. Did you already read this article? http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/08/18/gen_porn/index.html

Alexa
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]

@CatGoesNonNom, do you *really* think a partner believes you are a “nameless, faceless person” under any circumstances? Even when he cums on her face? I mean, really? I think if you believe that someone you’re in a relationship with, especially a husband, believes that, there are some other issues at play here.

Guys cum in vaginas all the time, btw, and believe me, no two women have the same vagina, either (I’ve seen my share). You’re more unique than just your face (though I do understand the point you’re trying to make).

And let me ask a much broader question. Why is it automatically “wrong” to see a sex partner as a “recepticle” for the little brief period of time you’re having sex with your husband/wife? I can assure you when your husband is ejaculating into your vagina, he’s not thinking of you in any way other than a masturbatory device for that little period of time during his orgasm. If his mind wanders into that realm when he’s jerking off onto your face, I don’t know that I see any substantial difference. In my experience, he’s going to be much more respectful of someone who allows him to indulge a fantasy of cumming on their face. And before someone makes any accusatory remarks about me falling into this patriarchal paradigm about sexuality, I feel the exact same way for women wishing to do the same kinds of things with their husbands as well.

Personally, I am much more concerned with his attitude toward me outside the bedroom - if he’s respecting, egalitarian, and treats me like someone he’s in love with and all that, if he wants to cum on me somewhere, then I fail to see how that even remotely denigrates or invalidates the intimacy or “normalcy” of our relationship.

I think many people (all genders) allow themselves to see sex as this narrowly defined construct within which they have to have sex. It devolves into this deal where any sexual expression outside that construct becomes questionable, and often results in one partner’s inhibition about suggesting role play and other fantasy activities to his/her partner.

Like I said, that kind of thing keeps me in business and affords me a very high standard of living, but I sure think it’d be more liberating (individually and societally) if we got over all of this issue about “well, if it’s in porn, it’s a bad thing for women (or men, or whatever).”

I can’t begin to count the number of guys who’ve paid me to let them cum on my face *specifically* because their wives won’t let them do it. They don’t love their wives any less, but they have this little fantasy of being able to try it to see how it feels, and their wives just reject it without even trying it, many simply because they know it is something that is seen in porn quite a bit. It’s quite sad, really.

I think women are “made to feel awful” about it specifically because it is seen in porn, and we’re taught that porn is inherently “bad.” I disagree with that notion, and don’t allow other people to dictate how I see my own sexuality and the extent to which I play with others in bed. There are a lot of things in porn that *might* not be as widely practiced as they are if people didn’t see it there. But everything you see in porn was done by someone long before it ever showed up there, and would continue to be done if porn magically disappeared tomorrow.

I know some people have a problem with it because it’s…“gross” or whatnot. Again, in my opinion, if you’re squicked out by a little bit of white sticky liquid on your body, I think you’ve probably got some other issues going on. Sex is not supposed to be squeaky clean, white-room kind of stuff. I feel bad for people who live like that, too.

spanishbutterfly
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 09:10 am: [report]

I dont have a problem with the list im just not into #4. I didnt enjoy given head until i was about 22yrs old and i think it was b.c my bf at the time wouldnt cum from b/j’s which made it more of a challenge for me and sorta fun. so i would suk him off for 1-2hrs easily. He never asked to nut in my face he thought that was disgusting n degrading. Nor would he cum in my mouth. Now my current bf thats like his ultimate wish, which ive refused him over n over, that act just doesnt do anything for me. I do swallow for him, just dont let him give me facials. Now he has let me pee on him ( sorry if that was TMI) an i mean all over him stomach/chest/face, that it self didnt do anything for me either but he loved it which made it ok. I wasnt degradin him n he didnt feel like he was being degraded.
Now the touchin of someone’s ass, that can lead to a black eye lol The key to that is communication and soft hands

*sam*
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]

@alexa (& everyone else in the ‘money shot = degrading’ debate): I see and understand your point(s), and, after reading everything, it has come to my attention that everyone analyzes degradation in a different way. if I think having a guy cum on my face is degrading, it’s b/c it’s how I feel about my face, but, if my bestie or the girl next door let’s their guy cum on their face, then it’s not necessarily degrading so long as they’re both fine with it & he’s not being disrespectful outside of the bedroom. it’s a matter of personal morals & to a certain extent fetishes. I think face shots are degrading but not chest/stomach shots, others find both disgusting and degrading, while others still find them both perfectly fine and exciting. I think the real issue here isn’t whether or not we as individuals enjoy them or not, but rather whether we are judging others based on their preferences. b/c I think we can all agree that what another couple does in their own bed is their business and of no concern to us so long as both partners are happy & satisfied.

LunaLena
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]

@Alexa

I disagree with a lot of what you said there.

First of all, “I can assure you when your husband is ejaculating into your vagina, he’s not thinking of you in any way other than a masturbatory device for that little period of time during his orgasm.” Wow, that’s really harsh. So basically, what you’re saying is, women ARE mere receptacles for men to jack off into. I doubt you meant it this way, but it almost sounds like you don’t think women deserve respect from men during sex. It sure makes me glad as hell that my boyfriend doesn’t treat me as a “device” at ANY time and is attentive to my feelings, both in and out of bed.

“Personally, I am much more concerned with his attitude toward me outside the bedroom” Really? I’ve always found that the opposite is true: it’s how people behave in private, when there’s no one to judge them, that defines their true character. I’ve known guys who made grand gestures of treating their girls like princesses in front of other people, but in private, they were selfish, possessive little bastards. Again, it sounds like you don’t think women deserve respect in bed; if they’re treated nicely out of it, then they should put up and shut up.

“if he’s respecting, egalitarian, and treats me like someone he’s in love with and all that, if he wants to cum on me somewhere, then I fail to see how that even remotely denigrates or invalidates the intimacy or “normalcy” of our relationship.” I’m glad for you that you have no problem with that, but some people do. So what? We’re all individuals, and we all have our own personal preferences. I think catscratchfever put it best by saying it’s degrading if at least one of the people involved thinks it is. Beyond that, no one’s opinions matter, and it’s not necessary to judge them for sticking to their own preferences and beliefs. You might as well call me uptight for liking purple when you like pink.

“I think many people (all genders) allow themselves to see sex as this narrowly defined construct within which they have to have sex.” I seriously doubt that this is the issue here. Again, this issue is simply a matter of personal preferences. Perhaps the ladies here experiment even more than you do, but the one thing they absolutely do not want is cum on the face. Maybe they’ve tried it, and they didn’t like it. And even if they haven’t, and simply have no desire to try it, that’s their choice. Why is that such a bad thing? You remind me of people who try to slip some meat into a vegetarian’s meal, because they’re absolutely certain that “if they just try it, they’ll love it!” That’s just a lack of respect for others’ choices and feelings.

I don’t think your theory that it’s because it’s something seen in porn has much merit, either. After all, rough sweaty sex happens in porn too, and I don’t think it’s stopping anyone. Your saying that you “don’t allow other people to dictate how I see my own sexuality and the extent to which I play with others in bed” assumes that that’s why other women have hang-ups on issues that you don’t, and I find it kind of condescending of you to say so. I don’t allow others to dictate my sexuality or what I do in bed either… specifically, I don’t do stuff just because “all the cool/sexually liberated kids are doing it.” Maybe it means I don’t do what you consider the be-all-end-all of sex play, but I’m fine with that, just like I don’t expect you to try everything I enjoy doing.

Lastly, “Sex is not supposed to be squeaky clean, white-room kind of stuff. I feel bad for people who live like that, too.” I’m pretty sure the people who “live like that” don’t want or need your sympathy. Can you just accept that not everyone views sex the same way you do?

konstantine
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

It better not get in my eyes, in my hair, up my nose, or in my ears. That’s all I have to say. I have an entire body that is just skin- no bodily cavities- it is your playground and you may come wherever you so choose. Degradation aside, how sexy is it to be digging paper towels/tissues/bath towels into those crevices trying to get that #&@$% out?! Gross.

jackofhearts
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]

@becknee “And for the record, when I brought up this subject with my boyfriend, he was horrified that a guy would even ask a woman to let him do that.”

Ha ha ha ha ha hah a hah ahhahahha.

Alexa
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]

@LunaLena, wow, talking about reading too far into someone’s comments.

“So basically, what you’re saying is, women ARE mere receptacles for men to jack off into.”

I said nothing of the sort. Not only that, but I also qualified my statements later by saying that my thoughts applied equally to women as well. Why didn’t you offer up your ridiculous interpretation along those lines as well?

The point is, at the moment of orgasm, even in your case, when you’re riding that cock, you’re not thinking “Oh, my gosh, this is my husband, blah, blah, blah.” All you’re thinking about is how good it feels and using that cock to get yourself off with. You’re using his cock as a masturbatory tool, pure and simple.

“I’ve always found that the opposite is true: it’s how people behave in private, when there’s no one to judge them, that defines their true character. I’ve known guys who made grand gestures of treating their girls like princesses in front of other people, but in private, they were selfish, possessive little bastards. Again, it sounds like you don’t think women deserve respect in bed; if they’re treated nicely out of it, then they should put up and shut up.”

And again you’re reached into the stratosphere to pull words out of your ass. I didn’t say anything about “private” vs. non-private, or public behavior. I said “outside of the bedroom.” And I made no assertions about him treating me like #&@$% in the bedroom, but rather was commenting on the fact that I don’t need him to treat me like a “princess” in bed in order to validate our intimacy. There’s a difference in all of that, but quite frankly, your incredible leaps of distortion of my words make me not even want to waste the time explaining it to you.

bumbler
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]

But you haven’t commented on her point that you are acting all judgey mcjudgerson because people have different boundaries and tastes in bed.

moonblossom
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]

@queenfrostine - well said

LunaLena
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]

@ Alexa

Actually, nope, when I’m doing the dirty with my boyfriend, I am absolutely aware of who I’m doing it with and know that I wouldn’t be happy at all if it was anyone (or anything) else. So your first point is already invalid.

It’s pretty clear to me that you’re not willing to consider anyone’s point of view but your own, and you resort to belittling and insulting others if they disagree with you. I’m actually glad you don’t want to waste your time explaining anything to me, because now I won’t have to waste my time reading and/or responding.

JennyPurr
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]

@queenfrostine You don’t respect other people’s fantasies and fetishes. If you did, you wouldn’t assume that people who like to degrade or be degraded have psychological issues.
I agree with @HumbleBee in that cumming on your partner’s face isn’t an act of degradation if 1.) you trust each other. 2.) If you ask and she/he agrees to it and is turned on by it as well.
I understand not being into it yourself, but you should try not to judge those who are. And for kicking someone to the curb for asking you to try something with them, you’re teaching them to close their doors to you sexually. A simple “I’m not into that” would suffice, no?

LunaLena
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:47 pm: [report]

Oh, and about the stuff I “reached into the stratosphere” for: there actually was a relevant point, but I guess it passed you by. Or perhaps I should have clarified it better. Either way, my point was this: a guy can treat you wonderfully outside of the bedroom, but if he doesn’t treat you with respect in the bedroom, I don’t think it means very much. To use this specific example, let us say that guy A is dating girl B. Girl B does not want cum on her face. Guy A wants to give her a facial. If guy A keeps insisting, knowing that girl B finds it degrading, then he’s not showing a lot of respect for her, he’s only paying attention to what HE wants and doesn’t care about her feelings. In the same way, if girl B likes anilingus, but guy A is unwilling to give it to her, and she keeps whining and pushing for him to do it anyways, then girl B isn’t showing any respect for her partner and his boundaries either. For me, that’s a dealbreaker. I don’t care how wonderfully a man treats me in public, if he is unwilling to hear what I’m saying in private and respect that, then I’ll be happy to cut him loose to find someone more in tune with his desires.

Better?

brandyalexander
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]

I understand that some women (and like I said before and others have reiterated, men) do not like this. For those who haven’t tried it, I am not suggesting that you would. But to help you maybe understand it, when you are with someone you totally love and trust (this is important), it can be a delicious act of surrender and, yes, powerlessness (now I am talking a little bit about the rough sex blog from a few days ago). Maybe its not for anyone, but for people who like that kind of thing, its amazing. It can go both ways, since I know a lot of guys who are into acts that others might call “degrading…” for example SpanishButterfly’s man who likes to be peed on. Besides, its your guys cum, you love him (maybe? i hope)) and so it can incredibly intimate.
On the other hand, LunaLena, I did read the article on Salon and found it to be interesting. The only time I would have a problem with such acts is if they were expected of me, or of women in general. I think its pervy and a little unsettling, that’s why I like it. The minute it becomes the norm, though, look out.
PS- Alexa, you did, quite literally, say that women are percieved as “mastabatory devices.” Ugh.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]

Sorry, that needed some serious editing.

becknee
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 02:51 pm: [report]

@jackofhearts I guess I did make him sound a little naive; he probably wouldn’t appreciate that, but he is a nice guy; it’s not too far off the mark.

Shriekback68
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

@Alexa: GREAT posts!

As a man, I find coming on my partner’s stomach/chest a HUGE turn-on (hell, this is as old as sex itself). I’m pretty neutral about the whole facial thing… it seems a bit forced and over-the-top, but that’s me.

One question I have for those who seems to think that act of being cum upon is so “degrading”: have you actually TRIED it or are you just assuming that it is “degrading”? Sex is about exploration and trying new, fun things with your partner - it’s not a political act, no matter how much Andrea Dworkin or Susan Brownmiller you read. It’s raw, animalistic and messy. If sex ISN’T that, then I kind of feel sorry for you…you’re really missing out, IMO.

*sam*
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 05:17 pm: [report]

@shriekback: no, I’ve tried the face thing a few times. and I’m still not into it. it’s really weird in my case, b/c in general, I tend to like really rough, mean, and some may dare say ‘degrading’ sex (like, I’m fine w/ getting slapped in the face or being called vulgar names..among *many* other things), but, IDK what it is, the facial just, gets me. I can’t explain it, I just find it degrading… like, it’s one of the only lines I won’t cross. that’s just me of course

tweakerbell
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 05:40 pm: [report]

@Shriekback68:

There are somethings you don’t have to TRY in order to know that you would find them degrading (oops, i mean “degrading”... lets not forget to put the word in quotes so that everyone can see that it really means “pretend degarading” since its being used by people to whose feeling you don’t think are valid). and to answer your question, i HAVE tried it, and i STILL don’t like it. and guess what? that does not in any way mean that MY sex life is deserving of YOUR pity. i would find your pity more justifiable if my sex life involved being pressured into activities that are upsetting to me by someone who thinks they have the ultimate authority on whether or not i have the right to be upset by said activities.

i can see why you are so supportive of Alexa’s posts. you both seem to view all those who disagree with you as worthy of your condescension… even though for the most part, we are simply speaking for ourselves and our own feelings, which even if you don’t agree with them, are quite valid.

LunaLena
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 05:46 pm: [report]

@Shriekback68 - yep, tried it, didn’t like it. I don’t mind the chest or stomach, but getting it in the face made me feel very VERY uncomfortable and I never wanted to do it again.

@brandyalexander - I have no idea what Salon article you’re talking about. I’m not even sure why you addressed that post to me. Am I missing something here?

LunaLena
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 05:48 pm: [report]

@ tweakerbell - thank you for saying everything I wanted to say but didn’t, because I didn’t think I could make it as succinct as you did, and I didn’t want to get into another long-post-debate on this topic.

tweakerbell
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 05:59 pm: [report]

@LunaLena:

My pleasure, though i have to say i often have the same problem… it took me hot minute figure out how to say my piece concisely.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 06:17 pm: [report]

@LunaLena: I’m sorry, catscratchfever posted that. Its in her comments, you might find it an interesting read.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 06:23 pm: [report]

I have a fever and am not making any sense today… stepping away from the keyboard and going to sleep :(

catscratchfever
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:55 pm: [report]

Defending myself for not wanting someone to blow a load on my face feels really weird. You’d think it was the most amazing thing in the world by now, and if it is for you, hurray! But I’m happy with my sex life without that, and you know, maybe when I’m 95 and I’ve done everything else (that’s the year I also plan on trying heroin), I’ll finally do it. Shriek and Alexa, I’ll send pics.

CatGoesNomNom
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:17 pm: [report]

Add me to the list of women who HAVE gotten a facial and didn’t like it. Um, how else would I be able to formulate an opinion on it? And I agree with the others, why am I somehow prudish or uptight because I won’t let a guy cum on my face?? Get real, people. FOR THE RECORD, I’m not judging those who do it, at ALL. If you like it, good for you! But PLEASE do not judge me for having a different opinion on it.

I also am not one of those who says all porn is bad or everything in it is bad. Hell, I watch it. But for anyone to sit there and say all porn is healthy, that’s just absurd. Ask a female porn actress. The majority of porn is male produced and directed, marketed to appeal to men’s sexual appetites. Female-produced porn, a small but growing field, is AWESOME. And by the way, I’m VERY open in bed, and will try anything as long as it isn’t uncomfortable, dangerous, or degrading.

This is ridiculous that we have to defend ourselves and explain why we don’t like being degraded,and just like it’s wrong to generalize that ALL PORN IS BAD, it’s also wrong to say ALL PORN IS GOOD.

wonderfultonight
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:41 pm: [report]

@LunsLena, @Queen Frostine et al who do not like #4 -whether they have tried it or not - note that Alexa has said that she gets paid for this *service* and “women like you” keep her in business. *High standard of living* or not, I doubt most of the gals on this board are in the *business* so don’t be influenced in any way other than the way you and your guy feel about this or anything else she said. It’s entirely up to the people involved themselves.

wonderfultonight
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:44 pm: [report]

@LunaLena - sorry, I wrote your name wrong.

GrimmersGirl
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 12:32 am: [report]

ok something tells me that this whole thing has turned into more of an online fight than trading info to help others. This is to inform ppl on new things. I won’t lie. I’ve had a man cum on my face, and other such places that have never seen the sun. So! 2 me I had that Experience and I found out what I liked and didn’t like. I don’t care what you or anyone else liked. Leave a small comment saying. Meh #9 was kind of hot when he got the shock of feeling what I do.

I don’t think Queen is off. To her, her face is important. 2 me it is more about my character. 2 LunaLena she don’t like being used as a cum collector. 2 each his own I say. Don’t message me I don’t really care. After I post this I am going onto something else to read because there is so much more to read about. Porn doesn’t bug me I won’t watch it if I don’t want to. But let guys watch their porn. Just let them know the kinds of things that your not into if they ask for something be like. Woah, dude ok hold on. I’m not into that. Don’t tell someone to go to hell or something. In my mind that’s being degrading to someone.

I mean the guy would be shocked and confused and maybe hurt for asking. Don’t be a jerk about something. Be nice about it. And now. I’m moving on.

tk_2009
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 09:11 am: [report]

Sorry, my last two cents here:
Degradation is a matter or perspective and what you bring to the situation personally. Some people consider waiting in line degrading, or driving a domestic car, or working a blue collar job or any number of other things that other people are fine with for any number of reasons.

If something bothers you, it bothers you and that is fine, it’s no one’s place to say it’s wrong to have that feeling, but there is a difference between saying “I feel degraded” and “it is degrading [to all women/men].” I think that’s what started all the fire in this post, people make a blanket statement like “it’s degrading” when they mean they feel degraded, and people who don’t agree fire off a rejoinder and we’re off to the races.

Just as in the bedroom, people’s opinions and desires need to be met with tact and understanding, rejecting someone out of hand for what they think or desire because you disagree is never productive. There is a such a thing as respectful disagreement, if the other person disagrees with you, but respects your feelings regardless, then let it go and move on. Quite frankly, if I made a suggestion in the bedroom and was “kicked to the curb” as a result, I wouldn’t need much help getting out the door. Useful dialogue, where both parties really try to understand each other is the only way to grow personally, whether it’s sex or anything else.

LunaLena
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 09:39 am: [report]

@ wonderfultonight - I did notice that, and that’s not the problem I had with Alexa’s posts. As I wrote before, I’m not easily moved into doing something I don’t agree with just because someone else tells me to do it. My problem with her posts was her judgmental attitude.

@ GrimmersGirl, even though I doubt she’ll see this - why does everyone keep addressing me in their posts? Is it because I keep responding? I don’t mind people commenting on things I’ve said, but sheesh, if you’re going to reference me, do more than toss out a misstated one-liner and then run off.

pragmatryst
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 12:06 pm: [report]

Wow. Considering that the original article was about activities that GUYS think are missing from sex, this discussion seems to have gone way off the reservation. Let me see if I can summarize the progress so far…

Synopsis:
* A female writer surveys a small population of men on specific activities they believe have been neglected during sexy time. She compiles a top ten list.

* A few guys comment that they are in general agreement with the list.

* More than a few women comment that they don’t care to partake in item #4, a few consider it degrading, and one thinks it treats women like a receptacle.

* A few women comment that they have no problem with #4 and one notes that in a manner of speaking EVERYONE is a receptacle at some point during sex and if you don’t have a problem with that it can be a financially lucrative business opportunity.

* The only men who seem to have problems with items on the list were reported second hand by women who seem to have problems with items on the list. Hmmmm.

Conclusion:
The author seems to have done a good job uncovering a neglected area of the male experience. Unfortunately, a lot of women have no desire to try #4 EVER, much less a second time, so those of us with cum receptacle degradation fantasies will have to seek out “professional” help after we get kicked to the curb for asking our SO. Did I miss anything?

Frederica Bimble
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]

Queenfrostine: I get you. That guy William.Paul lost my attention to his comments when he made the “watersports” joke….It’s the mark of the nervous, uncomfortable person to “make a joke” when there is a serious topic being discussed. It’s behaviour that, frankly, most people grow out of, thankfully.
To William.Paul: If you’re going to have an intelligent debate then bring forth your opinion graciously because those nervous “jokes” will only make you look inexperienced and childish. It isn’t the content of the “joke” it is the pointless need to hide behind it that will lessen your impact to the listener / reader.

Madmaxx
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 02:51 pm: [report]

eesh…kids…

Pragmatryst- you pretty much hit the whole situation right on the head. Although from my vantage point on the fence here it seems to have boiled down to two camps like a political debate. The haves and the have nots, them that do vs. them that don’t. Not that either side matters, because in the final analysis what’s right for you is right for you. One would think that the important thing here would be to find that right like-minded someone to do it with. Or to keep pleasing them so they come back, should you so desire. In that case I find myself leaning slightly more towards the Alexa camp. A tad more open-minded. Restrictions in the bedroom are confusing, and I don’t believe “conditional” intimacy exists. Sex, yes, absolutely- but intimacy, no. Sex is a mechanical function; intimacy breaks through walls and establishes new parameters.

The article itself struck me as more of a suggestion box of manual stimuli anyways, not a “guide” to intimacy. Intimacy is COMMUNICATION. It would seem that before we start sticking digits in unusual places or thinking your man is a pornstar wannabe, the LEAST you could do would be to talk about it! If you’re on the same page, go for it, if not, stay the hell away. My partner and I have shared many different experiences, some good, some better, some not so good. But ALL were worth trying. ONCE. I couldn’t help but chuckle at all the furor over #4, in our experience we both never laughed so much.

KeshKesh7
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 09:17 pm: [report]

The UTI one made me cringe and laugh at the same one. Ugh those are the worst.

william.paul
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

@Fredrica Bimble, wow, I didn’t know I had your attention to begin with. I guess you just lurked for the two days between when the comment was made and when you posted yours?

At any rate: it wasn’t a joke. It was an honest question.

develange
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 04:35 pm: [report]

I’m gonna get defensive:
Why is it always about the woman vocalizing? As others already said, so many guys are quiet. A man dirty talking, verbalizing. and moaning is so HOT.

I haven’t been money shot-ted on because I don’t see why it’s sexy. I think I’d just start laughing or dash to the bathroom to wash it off. Maybe someday I’ll give it a try.

If you’re gonna tell a girl “no teeth!”, then you better know where her clit is.

It seems as though many straight guys enjoy ass play…they just need to get over the whole “That’s gay!” thing. If a woman wants to do it to you, I don’t think she’s gonna assume you wish she had a penis.

Sigh.

Steffie
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 05:32 am: [report]

Quick random trivia on shaving female genitalia: It was NOT “invented” by the porn industry. The idea may have been widely distributed by it, but originally temple prostitutes shaved their bits for cleanliness against disease and parasites (crabs). Lipstick had origins there too, as the reddened lips imitated the flush of a woman’s lips during orgasm and sent a subtle message to the potential customer, er, worshipper.

#7 made me roffle.

Gingee
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 05:32 pm: [report]

Number 4: Not only no, but Sweet Cheese Danish: No. Any guy who wants to do that can do it, with some other guy.

“Get out of the bedroom.” Serious lack of imagination there.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]

Sweet cheese danish? This is obvs some slang I don’t understand. Are you talking about #9 here? (and yes, it is funny to think about revolution #9 in context with this list!)
No activity is in and of itself, gay, unless its being done with someone of the same sex… good lord, talk about a “serious lack of imagination!”

lareinedeslames
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 12:41 am: [report]

Excellent synopsis, pragmatryst.

I’m going to put in my two cents on the issue of kink. In most of the fetish communities I’ve interacted with and been a part of, there is the notion of “my kink, not your kink.” you think high-heels can’t be disrespectful and degrading? Lots of women wear heels for their partner that render them incapable of walking. Literally incapable.

The fact of the matter is that degradation is COMPLETELY in the eye of the beholder. You can’t just say that one kink is “okay” because you like it and another one is “wrong” because you don’t (obvious caveats like a fetish for killing apply—murder fetish is NEVER okay!)

Many of the women who are “bedroom submissives” are quite dominant in their day-to-day lives. Their appropriation of the submissive role in the bedroom is actually a way to increase intimacy.

For me personally, if a significant other asked to try something that I was not necessarily interested in, I would try it—at least once—out of love and respect for that person. I would get upset if, after trying said act and finding it not to my liking, my partner insisted on it.

Personally, I think that it’s rather hard to be degraded by someone who loves and respects you, provided you’ve got good communication.

jedichica
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 07:56 pm: [report]

Wow. Passionate topic.

I couldn’t read all the comments I’m sorry, but I would like to bring up the famous #4 debate with @Frostbite.

Don’t you think that someone not comfortable with experimenting with sex (and I’m not talking about positions), really has the psychological issues? Its not your personal opinion about a load in the face that offended me, its your unfair generalization that the rest of us may have “psychological problems”.

What about bondage? S&M? What about spanking? That’s really got to be an action of the disturbed, inflicting pain on someone and it turning them on.

I think you should take that statement back. Unless you want to start citing references and material for that.

Sometimes when I’m drunk some rough dirty sex is awesome, and the next day we wake up and giggle about how naughty we were.

Whats wrong with that?

trex
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 09:51 pm: [report]

Everybody, get real. The act of a cumshot IS degrading. If degradation is the act of being made into a purely physical object, in the basest, literal, primitive sexual sense. I think most- as we like to believe we have evolved and hold a higher place as humans- would find that a fitting definition. It is a representation of power and domination and possession-and glorifying yourself. Unless you grew up in some tribe somewhere on earth that worships bodily fluids as holy matter and life elixir- the act is degrading. It is meant to be. That is what is getting the partners off in the first place. These lines, crossing them, is the entire of allure of water/fluid sports,sm/bd, etc. If you are doing it out of curiosity because you seen it in a porn movie..that makes you…curious, and ignorant. It doesn’t change the psychological dynamics at base.
These act are linked to the taboo in our psyches..the humiliating, the aggressive, the cruel, the weakness…etc.
IF you are consciously deciding to act out these things, with an understanding of what you are meaning to work through/accomplish-and keep boundaries- that’s great. Integration in healthy.
I just don’t think it’s as frivolous, or simple, as “it’s pleasurable”..there’s a reason why it pleasurable. Alexa-touched upon these dynamics somewhat- but not enough- and coupled with the condescending tone and refusal to admit there was any aspect of degradation made her comments seem disingenuous.

Not acknowledging what it’s really about gets you into the situation where one partner or the other is extremely and/or anxiously aroused and doesn’t know why; resentful and doesn’t know why; ashamed and doesn’t know why, etc. You need to honestly examine any fetish.

trex
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 09:57 pm: [report]

I just want to make it clear..not saying that this play isn’t useful- or as I said before it can be healthy. There is als something to be said for being willing t be that vulnerable with a partner, to play out these role with and for one another, and yourself.
I’m just not into sugarcoating what’s really going on- ALL that’s going on.

lizzi6692
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 12:06 am: [report]

@Queen Frostine, its been awhile since you’ve posted but i saw your posts and just had to respond, you called a man cumming on a woman’s face an act of dominance, and i completely agree with that, but what i don’t agree with is that a man being dominant means he thinks women are inferior. As both a woman and a submissive, i’m insulted. Just because i enjoy submitting to my boyfriend, does not make me less of a person, in fact, it takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to trust someone as much as a sub trusts her Dom. I understand that not all women would want to have a man, no matter how much they care for them, cum on their face, but i think calling it degrading is ridiculous, unless of course you have expressed your dislike of the act and your lover does it anyway, but especially if you’ve never experienced it yourself, which i’m guessing you haven’t. If a man truly cares for you and loves you, he doesn’t want to do something like this to make you feel like less of a person, just the opposite actually if you think about it, this is a very intimate act IMO.
@Aurora Indica, very well said
And i’m wondering why so many people have issues with acts that could be considered “pornish”. If you truly love and trust someone, nothing should be off limits(within reason of course), just b/c something is done is a porno, should not mean that it should be forbidden.