10 Things We Want Delivered In An Hour
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
style
1:30PM, Wednesday February 4th 2009
This morning, we told you that even the sex industry is suffering during the economic crisis. But there some ingenious business people are using raging libidos to make them money. The Kinky Llama in Chicago delivers sex toys to horny residents, and they haven’t seen a decrease in business as a result of the economy. Open 24-hours, the company promises to deliver whatever your, uh, heart desires within an hour. Frankly, we can’t imagine being so hard up that we’d need a dildo delivered to our doorstep, but we can think of 10 other things we’d like to have on call. Check out the list, after the jump ...
1. Tights/Hosiery: You know how it goes. You’re getting ready for a hot date, and suddenly your absolute favorite pair of tights, which go perfectly with your perfect date outfit, get a massive snag. What to do? Try and mend the tear with clear nail polish? Get a new pair delivered from 1-800-TIGHTS.
2. Underwear: I am the queen of period stained undies. Sorry, was that TMI? Anyway, seriously, on the second day of my period, I always get a little leakage action, which is fine if I’m wearing my “Second Day Period Undies” which I usually reserve for such days, but if the second day of my period falls on a date night or another day where my undies may be exposed to male eyes, I am probably wearing cute underwear and damnit does it suck when you ruin a pair of those.
3. Stuff You Would Borrow From A Neighbor If Your Neighbor Wasn’t Such A Bitch: Sugar, olive oil, tampons, computer power cords, etc.
4. Movies: You can’t sleep, and there’s nothing on TV. If only “The Notebook” would arrive at your door! The deluxe package would include a bucket of popcorn, Diet Coke, and Sour Patch Kids.
5. Dry Cleaning: There is nothing more annoying than racing home from work in a desperate bid to pick up your favorite dress from the cleaners before they close. Usually this mission ends in failure. It would be so much more convenient if your freshly laundered garments came home to you.
6. Puppies: I have a dog 24/7, but if I didn’t, I would totally love to be able to borrow a puppy on a whim. Ideally, you could go online, pick out what breed you want, and it would come to your door with a red bow on it. And then the delivery company would be back before the little bugger needed to poop and pee and be walked.
7. Babies: See above.
8. Manicurist: Here’s the scenario—you’ve got a HUGE job interview first thing in the morning, but your nails look like a rabid dog has been chewing on them. Being able to call a manicurist to your apartment would be the first step in guaranteeing yourself the job.
9. Condoms: Make out, engage in heavy petting, hell, even give him a BJ, while you wait for rubbers to arrive. It’s the smart thing to do.
10. Therapy: I can get my own therapist on the horn usually within an hour during a crisis, but for the rest of you, wouldn’t it be awesome during those times when you’re feeling vaguely suicidal/homicidal to able to call a shrink and have them talk you down off the ledge?
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cheers9900
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]
how about wine delivery? you know those girls nights where you’re all just a little too tipsy to drive but you’re definitely not ready for the evening to end?
Pebo
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 01:45 pm: [report]
I’m all the babies and puppies delivery. Might be more incline to keep the puppy.
writergirl
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
ice cream sundae delivery. For those nights when PMS is winning….
Combine with pizza and french fries and whoever franchises the idea is going to be a multi-millionaire, recession or not.
SeattleMama
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]
Oh shiz… the condom idea is awesome. I remember one steamy night with a new guy where neither of us had a condom… I would have paid TOP DOLLAR to have one delivered! Of course, when I got back with my BF, *I* was the condom fairy- all my roommates would come to me for rubbers since I bought a regular variety pack right before we got back together, and he’s a Magnum kinda guy.
akr223
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 03:16 pm: [report]
doesn’t netflix kinda have the movie thing covered all ready?
Amelia
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
Not in an hour they don’t!
Michael
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]
you can stream movies online with netflix…
Lynn
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 04:53 pm: [report]
You can’t stream popcorn online, though.
I have a dog 24/7 and I would still like a puppy delivery!
Also, I just wear black underwear on days when I think period stains could occur. You can’t see the stains, it still falls into the category of “undies I could handle a guy seeing” because let’s face it, it’s hard to make black underwear dog-ugly.
cvsmith122
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 05:19 pm: [report]
Just like michael said you can stream movies with netflix and then you can use a Xbox or other devices to watch them in your bedroom or on the big screen in the living room.
There is a company in dallas that will deliver top notch hamburgers.
joyy
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 05:30 pm: [report]
There’s also hulu.com - limited selection for sure - but hella convenient. And I agree with booze delivery - might prevent sketchy beer runs and would be a GREAT way to get rich ...
abbylyn
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 08:13 pm: [report]
@writergirl - there’s a place that delivers all of that about a block from my house. I just discovered it the other day - I had pizza and a milkshake delivered to my door!
Chelle
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 08:34 pm: [report]
The condoms one is a great idea. Getting dressed, hopping in the car, driving to the store, buying the condoms then driving back, stripping back down, and telling your partner as you’re about out of breath “okay I got ‘em, let’s go” is a pain in the ass
I also think gourmet chocolate would be a great delivery. For those pms days when you crave it but also have immobilizing cramps.
MissChaotic
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 09:21 pm: [report]
Omg…a feminine delivery service (underwear, tampons, condoms, hoisery) would be a helluva good idea to have. Especially around college campuses. Hmmm…
Light bulb.
Oliveira
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]
I guess it says a lot about me how I thought that the idea about rent-a-puppy was cruel and that the puppy would be unhappy, but I didn’t have any such thoughts about the babies.
CutiePie
wrote on February 6 2009 @ 08:04 pm: [report]
I know the guy behind Kinky Llama, and he’s already got #9 covered for Chicago. We’re so lucky!
Megs
wrote on February 7 2009 @ 08:29 pm: [report]
#2 makes me laugh. Yes, emergency undies, oh how I’d love to throw out some underwear every month, instead I stash them in the back of my panty drawer, to be used only then.
UnPlain Jane
wrote on February 8 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
I highly recommend moving to NYC. I think the only thing I on your list I couldn’t have delivered if I tried is babies….yes, there is actually a puppy-rental service.
skarlettgrl
wrote on February 9 2009 @ 08:34 pm: [report]
Imodium! Either you can’t leave the house for fear of #&@$% yourself or you’re out, you have, you need Imodium and new undies!
lorilovesyouu
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 10:59 pm: [report]
Oh, my god. I TOTALLY know exactly what you’re talking about in #2. And I would LOVE a puppy delivery service!
writergirl
wrote on February 11 2009 @ 05:56 am: [report]
@abbylyn—LUCKY!
I can’t tell you how many nights the hubby was traveling, the baby was sleeping and I was jonesing for a sundae.
No one has thought of it here in my neck of the woods yet. And I even suggested it to the pizza place down the street from me. He’s right next to a Cold Stone.