10 Random Things Men Should Know About Women
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
relationships
3:30PM, Friday February 13th 2009
ChinaDaily.com ran a strangely generic story on the “5 Things Men Should Know About Women” (Only five? really?), which included, saying thank you when she’s doing all the housework, offer money and dependability, since the others things women look for in a partner—looks, smarts—are things you “can’t” control, and, uh, make sure she gets checked for heart disease. Um, okay. To supplement their list, I’ve come up with ten random things men actually should know about women, after the jump…
1. Just like men, women hate a needy partner that demands some sort of attention from us every six seconds. Be a man, not an eight-week-old puppy.
2. Don’t caress a woman’s face while you’re kissing her unless you really like her. This move translates to, “I want to have babies with you.”
3. The one breakup line that will work on us 100% of the time is, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have feelings for/am not in love with you anymore.”
4. Compliment her ass. Seriously, we know you like our “pretty p***y,” and our “sexy tits,” and what we can do with our mouths. But praise her ass and she’ll suddenly be 10 times better in bed. No joke.
5. Hey dudes, you know how you have ass hair and nipple hair and stomach hairs and, really, hairs in all sorts of other places? Well women do too. We just rip, shave, and electrocute them away because the patriarchy tells us to.
6. Ninety percent of the time when we’re complaining about a problem at work, or a fight we had with a friend, we don’t actually want your man advice. And if you insist on giving it, it will piss us off.
7. We know when you’re lying. We just do.
8. The thing that makes the biggest first impression on us is your shoes, so don’t wear those horrible square toed loafers on the first—or any—date, okay?
9. A woman without female friends cannot be trusted. Period.
10. At least 10% of us has faked it with you. Truthfully, that number is probably closer to 27%.
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Yellow
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
Ugh, I am having a #6 kind of day.
Katie_J
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]
If a guy follows any of this advice, it should be #6! Seriously, I don’t need you interrupting my bitch session to say, “Well next time you know,” or “You should…” No, YOU should just listen. /rant
emeryray
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 04:40 pm: [report]
#8. I think I can handle ugly loafers.. But when you’re sporting FILA’s I might / pretty much 100% will run in the other direction.
fallenangel915
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 04:56 pm: [report]
#2 also spells, “You belong to me, and you can never leave me. If I can’t have you, no one can.”
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 05:11 pm: [report]
#8 or flip flops!!! if you are wearing flip flops and we are not going to the beach, take your nasty ass feet and toenails home and put them in real shoes where they belong. i don’t want to see them while i am eating or sitting next to you at the movies. GROSS.
also, get a pedicure. your feet are gross…oh wait i think i said that already.
KellyJean
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 05:56 pm: [report]
“10 Things Men Should to Know About Women?”
Um….
Yeah.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 07:39 pm: [report]
And knowing is half the battle.
@Jamie Lee I have wonderful feet, you are just one of those people that has an irrational abhorrence of feet. I on the other hand don’t get cold so I wear sandals in the snow. Shove it.
redvixen
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 08:07 pm: [report]
#10 The number of us that have faked it with you is prob closer to fifty percent. Not that we don’t enjoy all of the sex, it’s just a bit more complicated with us and we don’t want to damage your precious ego
crazyincarolina
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 08:23 pm: [report]
I’m sooooo gonna print copies of this to give to future bfs
Jamie Lee
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 08:42 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse
I actually love sandals, and I wear them pretty much year round as well. I also have cute, non hairy, pedicured toe feet…however I have not come across many men who have nice feet…I’m sure they are out there, but I haven’t seen them.
I am very proud of my feet, and I am proud of you and your lovely feet as well. Please do not tell me to shove it again, I think thats pretty rude.
Thanks and I hope you and your besandaled feet have a lovely day
Alison Wonderland
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 09:16 pm: [report]
@Jamie/the other #8ers- Why is it that a guy will openly acknowledge that his feet are gross, (which if he mentions a particular issue he has we might interpret as ‘you’re a pedicure-footed goddess, impart on me your wisdom’)and when we suggest things he can do to help (powder in the shoes, anti-fungal cream, etc.) he gets all upset? We’re just trying to help you resolve something you seem troubled by!
doesitexplode
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 09:44 pm: [report]
Well, this is pretty incredibly biased. typically i dig the non-judgemental tone of the articles on here, but jesus. this article seems to be saying that as women you are indecipherable and as men we are easily understood.
that’s real progressive.
and #7?
haha…nah.
5 and 3 are true though.
irish
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 10:57 pm: [report]
I’ve faked it both ways.
Not very well though.
I’m just a guy, not Al Pacino.
ShortyDooWop
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 10:58 pm: [report]
doesitexplode: it’s all fun and games…as you pointed out, some are true, so i assume other folks will feel that others are true and then soon, all of the 10 will be true to someone..
i TOTALLY agree with #1!!!!! soooo irritating, just back the eff up sometimes!!!
EarthGoddess
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 11:32 pm: [report]
Some of these are KINDA true for me, but I have to disagree with #1 ... my husband and I spend 24/7 together since we both work from home and are constantly communicating. It’s a stream of consciousness between the 2 of us nearly all the time. It doesn’t make us needy to require that attention, it just means we are so connected that it’s expected.
Also #8 .... so wrong. My husband was wearing the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen in my life when we met, and I fell in love at first sight. I teased him that day about how bad they were, and I’ll still bring it up on occasion now ... always makes us chuckle!
jess is a news junkie
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 12:29 am: [report]
I guess I’m pretty lucky…my guy *never* interrupts me when I’m ranting, nor does he talk immediately after I finish. He’s such a good, silent (except for the very occasional mmhmm, yup, really?) listener that I often wonder if he’s ACTUALLY listening or if he’s just keeping quiet and letting me go on lol. His lack of talking makes me think I’ve gone on too long, even if it’s only been 2 minutes, and then I think I’ve bored him.
Apparently he does listen though cuz he’ll ask how xyz resolved the next day…so yea…I’m thinkin’ I’m just lucky:)
As for #7-that goes both ways.
At #9…a woman who constantly wants to spend too much time with an attached guy is not to be trusted. She’s either a homewrecker, willing to be a homewrecker, oblivious to the fact that her constant neediness is detrimental to someone else’s relationship or just plain rude and stupid.
jess is a news junkie
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 12:32 am: [report]
at myself-reading back over my comment…I realize the man bears partial responsibility for how much time he spends with said female. But some women manipulate…ex: a guy who can’t say no to someone in need suddenly finds a female friend always “needs” something…though again, ultimately-it’s up to him.
Isabela Laval
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 06:10 am: [report]
#2 all the way! That has always been my personal test to see if the guy is a keeper or not. Same goes for caressing my hair. So hot!
writergirl
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 07:05 am: [report]
Beware of NUMBER 9!!!! *So* true. I spent two years watching a friend’s marriage implode because the wife was a number nine.
Sad part was, he had no clue. When she asked for a divorce, it apparently blind-sided him.
I remember meeting them and after ten minutes thinking, “Oh, yeah, this marriage is so not going to last.”
brandijean211
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
#2 reminds me of Edward Cullen. I completely agree, it’s definitely a way to get your heart broken by a guy. I would think they were in love with me too.
par3
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]
idk about the whole female friend thing…. i’m a guys- girl and since i can remember every girlfriendship i’ve had has ended with me being massively f*cked over.
EarthGoddess
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
@par3: I totally agree! I have VERY few female friends that I trust. My guy friends I trust WAY more. Women will always screw you over before any guy will. Men are more loyal ... men have your back, and women are just back there twisting the knife to get what they want.
Linz
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 02:39 pm: [report]
@Jess in a news junkie
I have great girl and guy friends and I hate the idea that the second one of my guy friends gets a girlfriend I am no longer supposed to want to hang out with him. If I wanted to sleep with my guy friends that I have been friends with for years I would have. But I don’t. I just want to hang out with my friends.
Nick at Night
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 07:06 pm: [report]
#8 confuses me. What does a guy’s shoes have to do with the way he will treat you, get along with your friends & family, determine if he will be faithful, show if he is funny, etc.?
#6 The same goes for you girls. If a guy is really pissed off at something, telling him to calm down is the equivalent of telling him he is wrong to begin with, which will just make him madder. If you get mad with him then he’ll feel better and get over it quicker.
crazyincarolina
wrote on February 14 2009 @ 07:21 pm: [report]
wow…who’da thunk all these comments…i took the article as funny, and mostly true, cleary, I am not “deep” enough…and to CheeeeEEEEse & Nick, I could give a f*%& about a guys shoes, but that’s just me. Happy Valentine’s day all…
irish
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 01:49 pm: [report]
Gotta say (or write…) using no 9 as a trust ‘dipstick’ is going to mess you up.
But a good list nonetheless I think; but then, what do I know???
Jill
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 05:42 pm: [report]
I’ve never faked an orgasm before because I think its incredibly rude and hurtful and its because of you women who do that It makes it hard for men to believe us who are actually honest.
Jill
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 05:47 pm: [report]
And I really don’t agree with #9. I’ve always been a guys’ girl and it has no effect on my relationship. He knows I’m not sleeping with my guy friends and it helps me relate to him better since I’m used to hearing how guys think.
Please tell me, why can’t we be trusted again?
mikeyellenlee
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:16 pm: [report]
26%? That’s still low-balling.
writergirl
wrote on February 16 2009 @ 07:23 pm: [report]
#9 isn’t the woman who has guy friends and wants to hang with them.
It is the woman who needs *constant* attention from men at the expense of alienating woman.
That is the on who can’t be trusted. She will hit on any man in any situation—just to garner attention. I watched a “friend” of mine—who has VERY few female friends, who needs constant attention from men—hit on my husband and another man at my *son’s* birthday party. She followed up, by literally plastering herself to my husband’s side this past weekend at HER son’s birthday party. She was like a cat in heat.
That is why they are not to be trusted.
Humble Bee
wrote on February 17 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]
totally agree with Writergirl!
The girl who constantly needs men’s approval is that *one* girl with all the male friends.
I also agree with #1, I can’t stand needy people. Period.
AnonyMISS
wrote on February 19 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]
Women will always screw you over before any guy will. Men are more loyal ... men have your back, and women are just back there twisting the knife to get what they want.
^^woah. smh. at the expense of this sounding like an ad hominem attack i must say that you’re statement wreaks of “gender self-hatred.”
EarthGoddess
wrote on February 19 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
@Anonymiss: I don’t have “gender self-hatred”. I have experience, and in my experience I have found that men are much better friends that women are. I’d much rather hang out with a bunch of guys than girls any day! “Girls Night Out” = torture ... they’re all smiles until one slips away to the ladies room, and then the rest tear her to shreds and question all her choices while she’s away. Then, she returns and the fake smiles are again plastered across their faces. It’s sickening. In contrast, when you’re out with the guys and you do something they disagree with, they’ll call you on it right then and there so you can discuss it. Men and direct and honest. Women are sneaky and self-serving.
Just my opinion from experience ... my friendships with men have always been stronger and lasted longer than my friendships with women. I have VERY few girlfriends and guess I’m a borderline #9, but I am very trustworthy for sure.
Humble Bee
wrote on February 19 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]
EarthGodess you need better girlfriends, they sound horrible. I have acquaintences like that, but that’s why they are only acquaintances and not friends. Maybe one day you’ll find a loyal friend, women are not that bad, just comlicated and *most* insecure, you sound like you are very sure of yourself, thats very admirable.
EarthGoddess
wrote on February 19 2009 @ 10:10 pm: [report]
@Humble Bee: Thanks for the compliment! I hope I find better women to associate with, too. I’ve met VERY few I actually trust, while I have male friends I could call at 2:00am and know they’ll drop everything to help. (Of course, I would turn to my husband first if I needed anything and I bet he’d be a little concerned if I was making 2:00am calls to other men. LOL) We tend to socialize with other couples more than anything else, though. I don’t do the “Girls Night Out” thing at all anymore, but I’m the only woman in the office where I work and enjoy that a lot!
doesitexplode
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 02:55 am: [report]
brandijean211. twilight is fake. it was written by someone who has no experience in life. it is not relatable to any real people. especially real men. not to say that there are no real good men. what i mean is no real man or woman or relationship remotely resembles anything that happened in twilight. it is #&@$%.
Napa Valley Guy
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 05:33 pm: [report]
I have a female friend who seems to have no male friends at all. She is always with her girlfriends or her mother. She has a chainsaw, leaf blower and really nice tits. We have been dancing around a relationship for the better part of a year, but I am beginning to think that she’s not that fond of men after all. We only seem to get together whenever she needs something done. Am I being more stupid than most males?