10 Totally Bizarre Sex Laws

Posted by: Simcha Whitehill Filed in: sex
1:00PM, Wednesday March 4th 2009

Comments (19)

Laws are supposed to protects us, but when the government decides to get in our pants, some crazy stuff goes down! Here are some actual sex laws truly for the record books!

1. In Bakersfield, California, if you’re going to have sex with Satan, you’ve gotta use a condom. And definitely come up with a safe word!

2. Poking a porcupine is illegal in Florida. But apparently that law didn’t go far enough. Just a couple weeks ago, State Senator Nan Rich submitted a bill that would ban peeps in the Sunshine State from being able to stick it in where the sun don’t shine on any animal.

3. In Minnesota, it’s illegal for any slime bucket to hook up with a live fish. Don’t worry disinterested wives, a cold fish is still a-okay!

4. In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date. Clearly no one in that town is getting laid!

5. In Merryville, Missouri, no woman can waste her natural waist. Wearing a corset is illegal because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.” No wonder it’s called the “Show Me State!”

6. It’s illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama. This law can beat it!

7. In Washington State, it’s totally legal to eff an animal like an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs. What, fatty farm pets don’t deserve some love?

8. While most would argue that this is place where the people get screwed many different ways, in Washington D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.

9. In Massachusetts, you cannot recklessly consummate your love with a rodeo clown while the horses are still around. But seriously, there’s a reason for the expression “hung like a horse.” I doubt the animal would get jealous!

10. The biggest internet porn consuming state, Utah, gets freaky in their laws too. Sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you’re doing it for cold hard cash! Hey, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free!

You might like:

Tags: list, laws, sex laws

Comments (19)

comments

Pipi
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]

This is like that stupidest state laws thing that was so popular when I was in high school. I clearly remember that in Maryland you are not allowed to take a lion to the movies.

joyy
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 01:36 pm: [report]

I think PA has some old quaker laws hanging around about how you can’t have 6+ girls on a lease or it’s a brothel, so landlords would issue two leases and put a few girls on each lease to skirt it. PA liquor laws were filled with residual quaker bullsh1t as well. So glad I moved west!

CuteCora
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

HAHA! Seriously those have got to be the weirdest things I have heard! Some of them however are complety not true due to the fact that no law can be made for some of those things..of course you can’t bring a #&@$% lion to the movies..really are you kidding me!!

IrishErin
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 03:53 pm: [report]

New Orleans has a similar law in place that states something to the tune of more than 6 women living in one house constitutes a brothel. Hence none of the colleges here are allowed to have more than a few sisters actually living in any sorority house.

christianay
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 04:04 pm: [report]

that law in PA still exists, about the brothel. colleges in Philly can’t have sorority houses because of it, or something like that.

Humble Bee
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 04:51 pm: [report]

The missionary style one is really dumb, how will they know that your not doing it doggy? There’s no one actually arresting people for changing positions, that would just be weird…

Arty
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 07:48 pm: [report]

Oops, I broke law number 8.

retro chic
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 11:53 pm: [report]

7. WA “zoo” (human-to-animal) sex law in response to deaths from men going to equine farm brothel preferring their “brokeback horsey” over their spouses. One man bled to death. This would be a good law.

8. DC: Those laws coerced marriage, then spouses can’t testify against each other for doing-the-dirty or worse (husbands raping wives, etc). This would be a bad law.

kristy1584
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

Ok for 1, who on earth would want to have sex with a live fish? or any animal for that matter?? Thats sick! and for 2, no one is going to tell me HOW I can have sex! If I want it doggie Im gonna get it that way. How on earth would they even know the law was broken unless done in public?? RIDICULOUS!!

writergirl
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 11:32 am: [report]

The laws in PA regarding the brothel houses are absolutely unfounded and untrue. HOWEVER there are always zoning laws on the books which prohibit more than a certain number of people who are unrelated living together, but sorority and fraternities are generally exempt. From what I remember, sorority houses in PA do not exist because it is cheaper for the girls to rent suites from the universities rather than buy a house.

That being said, having worked in a field which was tasked with both writing and enforcing local ordinances, “sex laws” were the most disturbing to write—especially the definitions part of the ordinance—and almost impossible to enforce. Believe me, I don’t WANT to know what you are doing in your bedroom and don’t care if you ARE going down on your SO, even if it is illegal.

joyy
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]

@writergirl - weren’t the zoning laws created with that intention though? I grew up in and went to college in PA, and I’ve seen people be asked to sign separate leases for those reasons.

I can’t weigh in on greek life since I never bothered with it, but renting houses (even large ones) is way cheaper than university housing most places. And where I went to school (big school, in pgh), a mortgage would have been totally comparable to rent, especially if you pack a bunch of sisterly girls in.

writergirl
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

@joyy. I don’t believe so. My understanding of the zoning laws regarding unrelated people living in a house was really due to health and safety reasons. We once had a case where a significant number of people—all unrelated—were living in a house less than 1900 SF with one bathroom. It was pretty gnarly, as you can imagine.

I don’t know why people were asked to sign separate leases. I never was. My roommates and I all went on the same lease. Separate leases though, I think, will give the landlord more legal room to sue an individual of a group (say for lack of payment) rather than go after the collective group if they’ve all paid. If there aren’t separate leases I believe he would have to sue all of them together even if all but one paid. But I am not sure. I do know for sure that none of it relates to a latent brothel rule.

My sorority had a house on campus for several years but gave it up (I went to school north of pbgh) before I pledged. They had the house for several years and not once did a prostitution raid occur. The national organization for the sorority got rid of the house do to insurance and maintenance costs.

Rents for a NON sorority house probably would have been relatively cheap. But the cost for a sorority or even a fraternity house from my understanding, are higher do to the increased cost of insurance. Any Greek house is going to require a severely high liability insurance rate, and that rate is going to passed to the sisters/brothers. So rent isn’t going to be cheap, it is going to be comprable to on-campus housing. I remember the guys in the fraternities telling me what they paid to live in the house and it was pretty expensive. I think the sororities just didn’t want to be bothered with the increase cost and the brothel laws were a good excuse.

irish
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 02:16 pm: [report]

A friend of mine got busted for having his way with a chicken.
Apparently it squawked…

(Sorry: Don’t know what came over me…)

misspixie
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 03:23 am: [report]

What’s with Sororities/Fraternities? We don’t have those over here in the UK - what’s the point of them? My uni was collegiate (like Oxford/Cambridge) so I lived in college for two years, but it was mixed and we had the most awesome buildings (and a veeeery cheap bar).

If someone could enlighten me…

xxx

joyy
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]

@cyberpixie - few outside of the greek system have any clue what the point of it is ... and thus it gets made fun of a lot. I never bothered because I couldn’t see a point in it either (and what I *did* see was not that appealing), and I had no problem finding a social scene I fit with (plus you can get slapped with “dues” of $500-600/semester!).

But I did befriend *one* person who was in a sorority who was megacool and assured me that only about half the greek system (at least where I went) actually fit the unfortunate “buying your friends because you’re a moron” stereotyope and that the rest were actually cool, intelligent people ... so I’ll let someone who falls into the other half of not fitting that stereotype to explain the “point” of it.

lalaland
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 09:49 am: [report]

As someone who was greek all the “buying your friends” and “stupid shallow girls” stereotypes are offensive and very execrated. I went to a technical school with a low % of women, so for me it was a way to connect with other women at my school. I can’t speak for all school, as the greek system is different at every university, but at Tech it gave you a great network of people to turn to. For me, the “point” of being greek was sisterhood, support and having a social network at school.

writergirl
wrote on March 6 2009 @ 06:03 pm: [report]

I switched schools in the middle of my sophmore year….Greek System was really big. Decided to rush to meet friends and because everyone I came across was in the Greek system.

Met the girl who wound up being my best friend in college through rush…she pledged a different sorority. She and I have a very good friendship too and talk all the time. I am only Facebook friends with my “sisters”. Go figure.