10 Sex Locations You Thought Were Hot, But Are Really Not
Posted by: Carrie Wasterlain
Filed in:
sex
11:30AM, Friday May 22nd 2009
I’ve heard time and time again that gettin’ jiggy with it in the pool is fabulous, so I decided to test the waters. To my dismay, I found that pool sex actually kind of sucks—the friction from the H2O doesn’t make for very smooth sailing. The uncomfortable experience didn’t bring much pleasure, but it did get me thinking about all the other supposedly “super hot” love-making locations that actually blow. After the jump, 10 overrated spots to screw (and a few underrated ones too).
- The Pool (water being shoved in the vajayjay isn’t the most pleasurable experience)
- The Washing Machine (all that random bouncing is awkward and so distracting)
- The Ocean (jellyfish and orgasms don’t mix)
- The Forest (thorny bushes and roots? I don’t think so!)
- The Beach (I’m still finding sand in my crotch)
- The Airplane Bathroom (revolting smells + one square foot of space = no fun)
- The Pool Table (worse than rug burn)
- The Backseat (hello, leg cramps!)
- In Public (c’mon, gross)
- On a Boat (twice the seasickness!)
But if you’re looking to be adventurous AND comfortable, try these:
- On The Golf Course (golf turf is so soft!)
- In A Tent (what better way to unwind after a long hike?)
- Sitting On a Counter (more comfy than you might think…)
Or…there’s always the classic and cozy bed. Remember that?
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jerseygrl
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]
As a shore girl my whole life…....if you really, really want sex on the beach—- make for a lifeguard stand (and bring a blanket)
Rose
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]
Kitchen counter sex is great. Except I kept activating the microwave with my head….
PinkRanger
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]
ahaha, I actually had some good washing machine sex back in the day lol. but it might have only seemed awesome because I was a horny teenager.
I’m not sure if anyone really claims that back seat sex is great, its just one of the only spots you can get away with when you’re in highschool or home from college for the summer haha.
theattack
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
Noo forest sex is great. You just have to find the right spot for it.
And I totally don’t think public sex is gross. Sounds pretty exciting to me.
Sex in the pool or in a lake scares me though. Chemicals and/or bacteria don’t belong in your pretty pink pearls. (Okay, bacteria does, but not lake water bacteria).
writergirl
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]
Sex on a golf course is fun…talk about going par for course!
retro chic
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
For an episode in “Parks and Recreation:” Out in the open near a riding path… horses reared and nearly dumped their riders. We were oblivious until we saw the the hooves up close. Looong time ago.
Kitchen or bathroom counter, dining tables—whatever lines it up.
resullins
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]
I’ve always wanted to try the counter sex thing… so, really, out of curiosity, how do you keep him from banging his berries on the counter? I feel this could get lethal!
JaqAttack
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]
I think the back seat sex just depends on the back seat
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
Yes-true. But I have a tiny Bug Convertible…so there are about 3 inches of room!
NoisyOne
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]
Forest sex is awesome on the soft ground - it’s like public sex in a private, beautiful place.
Boat sex is even better. Who doesn’t want to get it on in the sun after a bevvy or 2? Cleat off your sails or toss your anchor and you’re good to go. Conception Bay anyone? -seriously, I know a spot named that.
Golf course sex? eewww. I’ll keep those pesticides OUT of my box thanks.
Helina Handbasket
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
Mmmmm, boat sex. Raft sex, even better, as long as you’re not in whitewater. More, please!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
@Carrie Waterlain:
Shannon Hamilton: That’s it. You’re dead, mallrat! I’m gonna #&@$% you up beyond repair!
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What… like the back of a Volkswagen?
Carrie Wasterlain
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]
Ha.
lalaland
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
P.S. the front seat is much better than the back when it comes to car sex…
Arsenic
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]
Outdoor sex is great until you get a bug bite in an, um, uncomfortable place. I’ll take my bamboo sheets thank you.
raneforst
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 03:25 pm: [report]
outdoor sex is awesome, especially with some warm sun on naked bods. Back seat is fun if its big enough. I recommend a bronco with tinted windows
Alison Wonderland
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]
Sex outside on a lawn chair (one with a cushion) is practically like sex in bed. But with the sun and the breeze, it’s great. And you only have to go as far as your own backyard. Just make sure you’re not giving the neighbors a show. Unless you’re into that, then go for it.
landesign
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 05:17 pm: [report]
The trunk of a 1980 Monza. Perfect height. The backwindow
pitched at the right angle for her to lay back on, almost like the back of an easy chair. We had our dark corner in a parking lot of a factory near our favourite restaurant.
Rose
wrote on May 23 2009 @ 02:57 am: [report]
@resullins - for counter sex, you sit right at the very edge, almost falling off. That way he’s bumping into you, not the edge of the counter. And pick a counter that’s the right height for him.
@NoisyOne - any chance you’re from NL? There’s a Conception Bay here.
sxd-up
wrote on May 23 2009 @ 04:59 am: [report]
Outdoor sex can be great! While visiting my husband’s (now my ex) rural home town, we pulled off down in a valley with the main road a good ways off, but very visible and made it right there on the hood of our mustang. Yee Ha!
sam04
wrote on May 23 2009 @ 09:31 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: You would quote Mallrats. Well played.
msu.umich
wrote on May 23 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]
loved the beach. just bring a blanket and make sure the sun is at your back (or front, depending on your position)
Kiki T
wrote on May 25 2009 @ 01:02 pm: [report]
I love outdoor sex!!!!! ..and beach sex is great, you just have to be prepared though—two blankets, one to do it on and then another to cover your ass if need be… and I personally prefer doing that at night, near the water, where no one can find us to kick our asses into jail.
vanya
wrote on May 25 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]
Hi Carrie,
Treehugger no longer has their original article up, but The Frisky still has some of it archived. “Four Positions For Small Car Sex” might help you out some. It’s all in the recline…
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-four-positions-for-small-car-sex/
cattgirl813
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]
Outdoor sex & sex in public lost its appeal to me after the sex offender registry law came along. I’m all about no risk, no reward but no orgasm is worth 20+ years on a sex offender list.
stephoney22
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Backseat is fun if you have an SUV with tinted windows, as mentioned above. And kitchen counter is great, too (don’t forget the kitchen chair, it’s great for lady on top).
TaraB3ar
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 03:28 am: [report]
counter sex is amazing
and i actually really loved pool sex, am i the only one?
Squidtermz
wrote on June 19 2009 @ 12:51 pm: [report]
@JoePudPounder ... yeah sure dude.
Maddie
wrote on July 10 2009 @ 01:57 pm: [report]
I find that the best is the counter. Me and my girlfriend both tried it. And I thought it may of worked better than the bed. It was very pleasurful. How she moaned, how she breathed hard and gracefully moved with every thrust of mine into her p^ssy no real mess, like the beach. We’ve done that and that’s not fun. She complained to me how she had so much sand in her p^ssy. We had to clean it all out. But the counter is very nice for those with big height differences. Just ask her to hop up on the counter pull off her panties and open up. Then the whole process, foreplay, then the main dish, when you insert or thrust yourself into her. The harder you thrust however, the more fun, but it could also injure your bit^h pretty badly, so not so hard all of you put there. And I don’t get why this writer doesn’t like underwater sex. My girl says it feels better. The water isn’t rough at all! It feels nice. It helps her get mine into her easier and faster. And the bad kseat isn’t half bad either. Sure you get some cramps but it isn’t all that bad.
Sunshinex045
wrote on August 6 2009 @ 10:52 am: [report]
i actualllllllly had some reallly good pool sex thank you very much, and shower… and public park under a tree, the counter, i actually didnt like :/
however i have to say, my best time, was new years this year when my current bf and i broke our co-workers sink.
we were trashed, AND i was rolling. but, the bathroom worked just fine.