The Texan, 36

Amelia: I and a number of other women have noticed a trend; men these days, it seems, are one of two things: 1) Flaky or 2) Non-Committal when it comes to time/dates/planning. Allow me to explain. The Flaky Type says things like “I’ll call you Monday to confirm our date!” And then doesn’t call until, like, the morning of the date and acts like he never said he would call Monday. The Non-Committal Type is the exact opposite—he won’t ever get specific about a time or day. “Let’s hang our soon.” “Let’s talk next week.” Never ever “I will do this thing at this time on this day.” Are you one of these types of men? If so, WHY?

The Texan: I have been both men, which is the honest answer. I mean, I resent the question, because it assumes men behave in a total vacuum. Why are women always surprised when men react to their behaviors? You’d act non-committal if every romantic interaction was some kind of veiled or obvious test by a controlling and insecure woman chasing some ideal. If we want to talk about “these days,” I’d argue that many women on the dating scene just dare a dude from the get-go to disappoint them.

Amelia: I don’t actually disagree with you. I think many women date expecting to be disappointed. But that’s because they have been disappointed so much. I try not to do that myself though, truly.

The Texan: I think many men men go into dating expecting to disappoint. Because, honestly, women have a list of expectations that MUST BE MET.

Amelia: So what exactly do we DO about that?

The Texan: I don’t know. How about “everybody stop being such a self-absorbed a**hole”?

Amelia: Don’t both genders have expectations?

The Texan: It’s probably more of a vast cultural thing. If you want to talk about “these times,” these times are all about shrinking and shifting expectations—what you think you deserve versus what you have. Expectations are a false sense of control, anyway. Be honest with yourself.

Amelia: Me personally?

The Texan: Oh Jesus, it’s not all about you. You’re perfect. Which I will reiterate when we have dinner.

Amelia: You mean when you tentatively schedule dinner with me and then cancel last minute just like every dude ever?

The Texan: I hate you.