Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Why Are Dudes Either Flaky Or Non-Committal About Time?
The Editor, 35
Amelia: I and a number of other women have noticed a trend; men these days, it seems, are one of two things: 1) Flaky or 2) Non-Committal when it comes to time/dates/planning. Allow me to explain. The Flaky Type says things like “I’ll call you Monday to confirm our date!” And then doesn’t call until, like, the morning of the date and acts like he never said he would call Monday. The Non-Committal Type is the exact opposite—he won’t ever get specific about a time or day. “Let’s hang our soon.” “Let’s talk next week.” Never ever “I will do this thing at this time on this day.” Are you one of these types of men? If so, WHY?
The Editor: I am not, but I used to be.
Amelia: Okay, and why was that?
The Editor: Different reasons. One was just that I was bad about scheduling my time, so making definitive plans just wasn’t something that I did in any facet of my life — that was the Flaky Type behavior. I’d behave in the Non-Committal fashion if I wasn’t all that enthusiastic about seeing the woman again.
Amelia: But if you did like a woman, you still might be flaky because that was just a personality “flaw,” for lack of a better word, rather than a lack of motivation or interest?
The Editor: Right. And also, this whole idea of “I’ll call to confirm” is lost on a lot of guys. If a guy forgets to do that, it’s probably not a sign of anything. If he forgets about the date itself, then that’s a bad sign.
Amelia: But then why does he say “I’LL CALL TO CONFIRM” if it doesn’t matter to him? I don’t expect a guy to call and confirm unless he says “I’ll call to confirm”!
The Editor: What guy says that?
Amelia: Look, some dudes say it or something in the same realm i.e. “I’ll call you Monday to make plans.”
The Editor: That’s totally different! When a guy says that, “Monday” is just a placeholder.
Amelia: A placeholder for ... what?
The Editor: Whenever he calls you.
Amelia: Soooo, he specifies MONDAY but doesn’t actually MEAN Monday. THAT MAKES A WHOLE LOT OF SENSE.
The Editor: Listen, if a guy calls you in the morning and suggests getting together that evening, I can see it being annoying. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than the fact that he’s a bozo. And you should feel free to say, “I’d love to, but I have plans. I need more notice.” Even if that’s a lie. All you have to do is push back. He’ll either start being more conscientious about stuff like that, or he’ll move on because he was never that enthusiastic about you in the first place. Either way, you win.
Amelia: You’re right. Totally winning. WINNING like Charlie Sheen. Ugh.