Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Why Are Dudes Either Flaky Or Non-Committal About Time?
The (Married) TV Director, 27
Julie: I and a number of other women have noticed a trend; men these days, it seems, are one of two things: 1) Flaky or 2) Non-Committal when it comes to time/dates/planning. Allow me to explain. The Flaky Type says things like “I’ll call you Monday to confirm our date!” And then doesn’t call until, like, the morning of the date and acts like he never said he would call Monday. The Non-Committal Type is the exact opposite—he won’t ever get specific about a time or day. “Let’s hang our soon.” “Let’s talk next week.” Never ever “I will do this thing at this time on this day.” Are you one of these types of men? If so, WHY?
The TV Director: I am kind of non committal when it comes to being social. It’s my world, I want to do what I want to do when and where I want to do it, I don’t like to be tied down…
Julie: Well, I know you’re married, but back when you were single, you were non-committal with women you were interested in? Why?
The TV Director: Intimidation, maybe? Not wanting to get involved with something that could be good/bad, so I wouldn’t say no to things, but I wouldn’t say yes either. And then I would pull the plug last minute. That is what I used to do. It still happens to me now, occasionally. Girls will ask me to go out and I will lead them on and then pull the plug because obviously I cannot go out with them, not in a date kind of way at least. But the girls I know are trouble, really flirations etc., so I love the attention of possibly making plans, love to string it out, but then I don’t actually want to make it happen.
Julie: Give me an example.
The TV Director: Recently an old high school girlfriend asked me to have coffee with her. I told her Tuesday would work and then I didn’t call her.
Julie: What makes you pull the plug, back when you were single at least?
The TV Director: I think we tend to rush into situations that we assume would be harmless—and they could very well be harmless—but then you chicken out, or second guess yourself, or come to your senses. I was also really bad at dating, I basically didn’t care about it. I loved being around women, getting attention, but making the effort to date was not high on my priority list.