When Michael K, the hysterical blogger behind the gossip site Dlisted, gave me his IM handle and said he would be happy to chat with me about the hottest gossip stories of 2009, I felt like Christmas had come early. Perez may have more page views (and haters), Us Weekly and People might be more “legit,” but no one, and I mean no one, can out-bitch Michael K when it comes to snark. An equal opportunity offender, Michael K constantly rips on his own trashy sluttiness while taking down big-time celebs like Brangelina, TomKat, and Amy Winehouse, often with jaw-dropping vulgarity. Still, Michael made it clear that “profiles” aren’t his thing and his personal life wasn’t really up for discussion — unlike his fellow gossipmongers, Michael likes to keep a low profile. When I remarked that a few of the Frisky ladies keep a kind of stalkerish eye out for him when out at the gay bars in downtown NYC, he cracked, “Oh, I don’t go to gay bars too often! Try the White Castle or San Loco.”

Michael was, however, happy to discuss the hookups, breakups, scandals, and hot sluts of 2009 — including who made his “no-no hole” pucker. It will take every ounce of restraint I have not to IM him on the regular in an attempt to force him to be my new bestie.