1. Vaseline Intensive Care Cocoa Butter Lotion, $8.49, Drugstore.com
2. Neutrogena Makeup Remover, $5.79, Drugstore.com
3. Aquaphor Healing Ointment, $15, Walgreens
4. Aveeno Creamy Moisturizing Oil, $6.79, Drugstore.com
Is it a boy? A girl? A potato?
Bonus points for that brow cred.
Exceptions made for Josh Duggar, who need only write a note of apology to Jesus H. Christ.
Somebody call the wahmbulance.