Kids these days! They're just not getting drunk like they used to. When I was a young sprite, someone with a car had to drive into the nearest city and buy booze from the one dodgy liquor store known to sell to under-21s. But modern youth have taken to drinking liquid hand sanitizer. Could their mouths really be as dirty as the Orbit gum commercial says? No, silly: hand sanitizer contains 62 percent ethyl alcohol, which is teenager-speak for "good enough for me." So far, six teens have been rushed to San Fernando Valley ERs after learning the hard way that this is a f**king stupid thing to do. Now, get off my lawn! [USA Today]
Alas, San Fernando Valley teens are not the only creative, bored individuals to consume the modern equivalent of bath tub gin. But there are more! Here are a bunch of other stupid ways to get drunk or high that WE TOTALLY DO NOT CONDONE YOU TRYING, you hear?