If you are like me, this is the really dangerous part. Not because you are so manic, but because this mania quickly crashes into what is known as a mixed state. Rage seeps in. Your skin is crawling. It feels like a million fire ants are just below the surface, creating a weird moving sensation. And then maybe you start to have thoughts of self-injury. The razor is my weapon of choice, or burning. My scars are all hidden. I am ashamed of them; those actions are not something I’m proud of. Sometimes, when thoughts of suicide creep in, I have cut just to keep them at bay – because cutting is better than killing, my mixed-up mind thinks. The mixed states are considered especially dangerous because you are having horrible, dangerous thoughts – AND you have enough energy to act on them.
But you know what? When you are being treated properly, all these symptoms dissipate, just as high blood pressure can be treated with medicines.
Some bipolars just swing between depression and mania. Some have mixed episodes like I do. It’s different for every person, which is one reason bipolar can be difficult to treat. Often it is initially mis-diagnosed as depression – because we only seek help when we feel depressed. (When we are manic, we feel great, so why would you seek help?) In these cases, it’s only when the antidepressants bring on a bout of mania that bipolar is diagnosed. Other times, bipolar is diagnosed from the outset.
It may take many tries to settle on the medicine, or combination of meds, that will appropriately control the symptoms and get your brain’s chemistry back in order. Contrary to what many believe, bipolar is not a behavioral disorder. It is a medical disorder in which brain chemicals just don’t fire right, or don’t produce in the correct proportions. The medicines help balance all that out. Don’t let pop culture fool you into thinking the meds make you a zombie. They don’t. When they are barely working, they dull the edges at best. When they work … suddenly you feel like you are you again. And therapy is also usually called for, to help with the behavioral aspects of the disease.
But you know what? When you are being treated properly, all these symptoms dissipate, just as high blood pressure can be treated with medicines.
Some bipolars just swing between depression and mania. Some have mixed episodes like I do. It’s different for every person, which is one reason bipolar can be difficult to treat. Often it is initially mis-diagnosed as depression – because we only seek help when we feel depressed. (When we are manic, we feel great, so why would you seek help?) In these cases, it’s only when the antidepressants bring on a bout of mania that bipolar is diagnosed. Other times, bipolar is diagnosed from the outset.
It may take many tries to settle on the medicine, or combination of meds, that will appropriately control the symptoms and get your brain’s chemistry back in order. Contrary to what many believe, bipolar is not a behavioral disorder. It is a medical disorder in which brain chemicals just don’t fire right, or don’t produce in the correct proportions. The medicines help balance all that out. Don’t let pop culture fool you into thinking the meds make you a zombie. They don’t. When they are barely working, they dull the edges at best. When they work … suddenly you feel like you are you again. And therapy is also usually called for, to help with the behavioral aspects of the disease.
