Who has time to waste on the wrong guy? No one. Think you can’t defend yourself from the kind of relationship that sails along happily for months, then has you waking up to a stranger that dumps your ass out of the blue? Couldn’t see it coming? Perhaps you weren’t looking for the right signs. The answers to everything are all over his face.

Enter the ancient art of face reading, aka physiognomy, and turn your lifetime of woes around. Practiced by Socrates and Aristotle, learn which facial attributes are equal to which personality traits — and realize it is possible to spot a bastard in 30 seconds or less.