Listen, Beyonce, I got the memo, like, months ago. Your life is better than mine. You don't need to continue posting photos to your Tumblr to prove it. You know I can't stop myself from looking and then I get depressed -- that I don't have a stylish sister like Solange, that I don't look as good in cowboy boots, that Jay-Z is not pushing me on a swing hung from a tree. It's so unfair.