’90s Teenybopper Crushes Presently Unworthy Of Our Love
Crush: Any Hanson
4 of 8
You Know Him As: One of those MmmBopping brothers. Think back to the red-orange cornfield-y album cover of Middle of Nowhere, Hanson’s debut album (although the image may have been slightly tough to see if you had the cassette). Chances are, you were the most drawn to the one who was nearest your own age. Unless you were the sort of grade-schooler who “only dated drummers,” there wasn’t much else to distinguish one from another. Another exception is if you were an Isaac convert since being haunted by his lead vocals in “Yearbook,” which was about a suicide, or a kidnapping, or a runaway or something. Come to think of it, that may have been the onset of your deep and smoldering guy phase. More than a vintage-Zac-Hanson’s lifetime later, all of the Hanson brothers have double-lapped you in human development. Between them, they have a total of eight kids. Taylor and Zac got married at an age most of us still have undeclared majors. If that had worked out, you’d have hundreds fewer cute party photos tagged on Facebook, not to mention less of the memories that go with them.