Maybe your apartment is overflowing with clutter, or your bank account balance is at zero, or you’re enmeshed in some family drama. Whatever it is, you’re always on the brink of disaster and crisis is your constant companion. Your perpetual whirlwind of chaos may be entertaining to others, but it’s ultimately destructive to yourself and could be preventing you from having a stable relationship.
First of all, living in all that chaos takes up a lot of energy and results in extreme self-centeredness, which doesn’t leave you with much to devote to another person. Secondly, being so attached to your "everything-is-falling-apart" identity leads to agitation when there’s no crisis in sight. Therefore, a drama-free relationship seems like the worst fate imaginable—a life sentence to boredom and suffocation.
Be mindful of chaos that pops up and try to keep it in check. That way, you can practice feeling more comfortable in the absence of turmoil. Getting out of this self-centered, catastrophe cycle will give you the presence and peace of mind to be available for a healthy (and calm!) relationship.