You want a boyfriend. You have all these ideas about who he’s going to be, what he’s going to act like, and what it’s going to be like to date him. Then this normal guy appears in your life and wants to be your boyfriend. He doesn’t look how you’d like him to look, isn’t the age you thought he’d be, and doesn’t live in the neighborhood you imagined he would or have the job you wanted him to have. If you say yes to this guy, this real person in front of you, you’ll have to relinquish all your expectations and fantasies.
It’s very painful to give up ideas you’ve been harboring for a long time and can feel like a big loss. If you aren’t aware that you’re being driven by fantasies, you could be tempted to reject this guy so you can hold on to that dream of who you’re supposed to wind up with. If you have awareness about what’s going on in your mind, you’ll be able to grieve the loss of your expectations and still move forward with getting to know someone who doesn’t exactly fit your ideal.
A fantasy guy and imagined relationship might be perfect, but they’ll never be able to offer you love and companionship, and clinging to them will only keep you from falling in love with an imperfect—but real—person.
