1 asparagus bunch
1/4 pound of prosciutto from the deli counter at the grocery store (have them slice it thin)
Depending on how lazy you're feeling you can either steam the asparagus in the microwave or on the stove top until it's tender-ish
Take a piece of prosciutto and wrap it around each spear
Drizzle with olive oil for a phallic and delicious treat
Warning: if you're planning to do any golden shower business, you may want to skip this one because the asparagus is going to make your pee stink.
Bacon (well, prosciutto is in the bacon family, so I think that counts)
Spears In A Blanket