Ohio man, Art Price Jr., was arrested after he was caught having repeated trysts with a metal picnic table in the park. He was caught on tape completely nude, engaging sexually with a hole in the center of the table intended for an umbrella. He should have brought it back to his place instead. [Fox]
Bonus points for that brow cred.
Exceptions made for Josh Duggar, who need only write a note of apology to Jesus H. Christ.
Somebody call the wahmbulance.