He stands on his head with his legs in the splits while you wrap yourself around his torso, scissor between his legs and balance in his armpit.
Why It's Impossible: Look ma, no hands! Or not. There are so many logistical issues here. Starting with: you may be dating a professional break dancer, and he may be able to do some electric bugaloo bullshit, but he can't balance hands-free and pump his upside-down dick in you while you're balancing in his armpit. There's this thing, you see, it's called gravity.
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Head Spinner
