10 Unhealthy Dating Patterns And How To Break Them
5: Bonding Over Wounds And Wanting To Heal Each Other
The Pattern: When he tells you right off the bat about the medication he’s taking, you’re thrilled. “Cool!” you exclaim. “I’m depressed, too!” You commiserate about your rough childhoods, and how it’s so hard to set boundaries and stand up for yourselves. He’s in therapy, reads self-help books, and speaks the language of emotional awareness. He understands when you need Me Time, and lets you cry on his shoulder when life just feels too hard. This is great! you think, tired of having to put on a peppy, happy façade with guys. A sensitive guy who gets me, sees me with all my wounds, and still loves me. Together, we can heal each other! And then heal the world!
How To Break It: There is something comforting about dating a sensitive guy, especially if you’re a sensitive gal. But revealing such deeply personal information so early on before establishing a foundation of trust puts you at risk for being deeply hurt. It’s possible that two fragile people who come together in a relationship and accept and love each other can actually heal each other’s wounds. But if the guy doesn’t stick around, what happens is that the scab gets ripped off, salt gets rubbed in, and you’re left in excruciating pain, trying to bandage up your gaping wound. Hold off on the what’s-in-my-medicine-cabinet talk until you’re fairly certain that this guy is in it for the long haul, and that he carries plenty of Band-Aids.