Okay, look. I know you’re all, like, “Wait: What’s “The Bridge?” Ergo: “The Bridge” is this Swedish, Nordic noir-y TV series I just watched. The first thing I’d like to tell you is that it was amazing and freaky and weird and awesome, and you should watch it. The second is that Martin, the flawed and impossibly lovable womanizer protagonist, is super-nail-able. Chubby, yes, but in that fantastic way that makes you feel both a) thin, and b) like you’ve got something to grab onto. You’d cuddle up against him amidst some harsh Swedish winter – you’d offer shelter from the literal storm that is the weather, and also the figurative one which is whatever brutal manslaughter case currently consumes him – and when he tells you, “Suga min pung,” you’ll be nothing but powerless against your urge to oblige.