Jason Biggs, we hardly knew ya. The "American Pie" actor (seriously, is he known for anything else?) is having his dirty laundry aired by none other than his own lovely wife, Jenny Mollen. Mollen wrote an essay for the Playboy owned website, The Smoking Jacket, revealing how she and Biggs hired a prostitute for his birthday.

So my husband and I got a whore. I'm hoping, unless you're some sick depraved dissolute of a person, this isn't the kind of thing you hear everyday. If it is, f**k you, I thought it was pretty gangster. So, ok, where do I begin? I wanted to do something special for his birthday, isn't that how all these stories start?

Um, okay. She writes about her first attempt at bringing a professional into the bedroom was a total flop; a "masseuse" recommended by a friend turned out to be a legit massage therapist. Their second try was just as disappointing -- a faulty ATM prevented her and Biggs from paying their prostitute up front. But the third time was a charm! The couple spent some quality time with a lady of the night named Keisha, but alas, the she could not live up to the hype.

 Sadly, however. I think it was pretty obvious that my husband and I were both bored. He quickly became flaccid and we were left with nothing to do but stare at each other.

Biggs, apparently, is anything but embarrassed by his wife's admission. He tweeted, "My wife is in Playboy. Hot." Oh you crazy kids...