Nothing brings joy to our hearts and barren wombs like “Apparently Kid”! And his appearance on “Ellen” yesterday did not disappoint. Noah Ritter — the five-year-old boy whose interview with a local newscaster went viral for his strong opinions about carnival rides and adorable overuse of the word “apparently” — took some time out from kindergarten to visit Ellen DeGeneres. Noah filled her in on his new favorite word and the perils of walking to the bus stop. Someone get this kid an agent! [YouTube]
“If you want to have kids you’d better do it while you’re young. The women in our family go through menopause early — 38 to be exact. Your grandmother? 39.”
My mother said that to me every few weeks from the moment I started menstruating until I hit 30. But at 25, I was more concerned with drink specials than finding someone special. During my monthly fertility chats with Mom, I’d internally puff up and congratulate myself for not being into all that conventional crap.
I was the cool chick. The one who didn’t need a boyfriend and didn’t want to get married and lived in a big, bad city and focused on work and traipsed about to parties; soaking up new experiences and bad dating stories like a weathered Army vet with a killer hangover. This was my identity and I loved every second of it. Keep reading »
The firing of NFL player Ray Rice for knocking out his then-fiance Janay Palmer in an elevator has sparked conversations about why Janay married him, whether a “private matter” deserves to be punished (spoiler alert: yes it does), whether a football player’s drug use is as bad as brutally attacking vulnerable women, and just about every other topic under the sun. The one thing that hasn’t been touched on much is the issue that actually matters: teaching men not to hit women in the first place, and holding them accountable when they do. Last night before a Steelers-Ravens football game, CBS anchor James Brown finally said what every coward at the NFL has avoided saying. Brown asked men to take responsibility for their actions, and talked about the hostile environment that encourages men in sports to use violence in the first place. He suggested that the most productive use of all the anger this situation has sparked would be to help women who suffer from domestic violence. His words were a major relief after a week of watching pundits talk in circles. You can read a transcript here. [Uproxx; Deadspin]
Chris Pratt posted this throwback photo of circa 2000 headshot to Twitter last night, calling himself “Douchemaster McChest,” but I prefer to call him fiiiiiiiine as fuckkkkkkkkkkk. [Twitter]
In March, I signed up for a 5k called Bacon Chase that took place in June (the lure being that you got unlimited bacon at the end). I figured by the time it rolled around, I’d be ready for it. So, of course, I proceeded to not prepare at all and then run it anyway to get my money’s worth — and I did OK! I managed not to stop running the whole time, and I ran at my normal 12:00 pace.
What happened next is what’s kind of messed in the head: I thought, OK, now I’m gonna do a 10k. The next day I thought, Oh, fuck it all, I’m doing the marathon. Yes, I have poor impulse control and I self-aggrandize about my capabilities. But it’s turned out all right. I was able to get registered on the Advocate Hospitals charity team to raise money for one of their city-based behavioral health centers (they serve the underserved and they need it, please donate!), so far I’ve stuck pretty well to the plan, and to my complete and utter surprise it is no longer a big deal for me to run 10 miles in a day anymore.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned during my marathon training so far… Keep reading »