Yesterday, President Obama announced his plans to normalize U.S. relations with Cuba, which has been the subject of a trade and travel embargo since October 19, 1960 — two years after the overthrow of the Batista regime. The embargo was enacted largely due to Cuba taking Russia’s side in the Cold War and being a Communist nation. Sort of!
Actually, a very large part of the reason was that the United States government loved them some Batista. Sure, he killed and tortured a lot of people, but those were poor people. The wealthy landowners loved him, particularly because he eliminated a lot of pesky civil liberties like the right to strike. The American Mafia also loved him. During his dictatorship, he was willing to turn his nation into a delightful tourist destination for American travelers (see: “Guys and Dolls”) at the expense of the poorer people of his nation — and, most importantly, was willing to play ball with the big U.S. oil companies. Keep reading »
Even when you got that giant envelope (or giant e-mail attachment? how do the youths get their collegiate good news?) there was probably some part of you that thought a mistake had been made. You were John Smith, and it was really John Smiths, not you, who was accepted to your dream school. And that’s the reality for 293 high school seniors who thought they had received their Christmas present early-acceptance into John Hopkins. Read more on College Candy…
…and yet looks nothing like Kim Kardashian and a whole lot like a swollen, blistered sphincter with Joan Crawford’s eyebrows (the later, William Castle films era of her career, to be specific). But that seems to be okay with Jordan James Parke, who told The Sun, “I laugh when people try to insult me by telling me I look plastic or fake. Do they think I’m going for the natural look? If I was, I’d ask for my money back.” Well, at least he’s owning it and I do think he has very beautiful eyes. (I felt like I needed to pay him a compliment after saying his face looks like a butthole with brows.) Parke has had over 50 cosmetic procedures in his quest to look like his idol, who he calls “the most gorgeous woman ever,” including eyebrow tattoos (you DON’T SAYYYYY), dental work, Botox, laser hair removal and, in case you couldn’t tell, fillers. Lots and lots and lots of fillers. I’m surprised there is not a fillers shortage, to be honest. His lips look like they are going to explode and lip meat is going to come oozing out. Eww, I just said lip meat. I apologize. Read more about Parke and his asshole-like lips at the link. [The Sun]
For Jenny Slate, Marcel the Shell is more than just an onscreen character — his voice makes an appearance anytime Jenny wants to provide commentary on her life without feeling like she’s talking to herself. [This basically describes the vast majority of the conversations that occur between myself and Lucca, where I do Lucca's voice responding to me, etc. -- Amelia] Yesterday, Jenny serenaded Conan with a rendition of the melancholy classic “Landslide” in the voice of Marcel, bringing a tear to the eye of every other talking shell out there.
We still have seven months until our wedding, but I can’t help but wonder about our guests: how they’ll act, what their reactions will be, how they’ll get along. I’ve been to enough weddings to know that there are bound to be certain people who emerge in some pretty standard guest roles, especially when you have representatives from all different aspects of your life in one room. Rather than let ourselves be caught off-guard, my fiancé and I are mentally preparing ourselves for the following people to, um, grace us with their presences. Keep reading »
Let’s be honest: despite whatever good times we’ve experienced in our individual lives this year, 2014 was really shitty for the world as a whole. Terrorism, war, Ebola, plane crashes, abuse, and American police brutality — overall, a widespread loss of innocent lives — has left us feeling pessimistic at best. Vox put together this reflection of what the world endured in the past twelve months. Thankfully, 2014 saw a few triumphs here and there too, so maybe it’s safe to hope for a happier 2015. [Vox]