Flask Mittens Are The Only Way You’re Going To Survive This Winter

It’s no secret that I hate winter with a very special kind of passion, which is unfortunate considering the fact that on the East Coast it tries to linger on all the way into late April like a bitter ex that won’t go away. Thankfully, these flask mittens now exist, so I can simultaneously keep myself extra toasty and take the edge off the reality of a 4 p.m. sunset. The flask has a bite valve to save you the hassle of having to take off the mittens to unscrew the top, because come winter you’ll presumably have already wasted 20 minutes of your day getting all those layers on in the first place and it would just be crazy to take the mitten off again. I think these are meant to be for chilly football games, ski trips, sledding, and other adventuresome outdoor activities instead of day-to-day winter commuting. Sure, I’ll use them for those exciting things, but hell, I’ll be needing them just to make it to the corner bodega and back. Let’s be honest with ourselves — for all we know, three more Polar Vortexes could be on their way this year. Now is the time to prepare! Think of these as a loving gift to your future self — the one who will have to get up at 6am on a February weekend morning to shovel your driveway. [That's Nerdalicious]

8 First Dates So Terrible They Made The News

I once had a first date where the guy made a joke about putting a roofie in my drink before we even met, made loud, nasty comments about everyone else at the bar, negged me, talked about pooping and went on a lengthy rant about hating fat people. I consider this the very, very worst first date I’ve had the misfortune to go on.

But really, that’s nothing compared to the first date Leon Shaw went on with an as-yet-unidentified woman in Gig Harbor, Washington. Because he ended up dead. According to The Pierce County Sheriff’s Office, the date started like many others — with the newly introduced couple throwing back a few drinks at a bar. Shaw’s date suggested they amble on over to the home of a tattoo artist friend, where more drinks were consumed before the woman asked the tattooist to ink her chest. Apparently Shaw became pissed when his date and her friend “became intimate” and a fight ensued. The woman stormed out of the house in just a T-shirt, hopped in Shaw’s truck and started the engine. When he followed her out into the driveway, she allegedly ran him over, and by the time the tattoo artist came out, she and the truck were gone and Shaw was dead. The woman crashed Shaw’s truck about one-quarter mile away and was trapped inside the vehicle when police arrived. She’s currently in the hospital in critical condition and has not yet been charged with a crime, as police still need to interview her. Let this be yet another lesson not to drink and drive — on a first date or otherwise — and to take a pal, not a romantic interest, along for support when getting spontaneous chest tattoos. [Crimefeed]

Click through to hear about some of the other horrendous first dates that will make you feel so, so much better about all the bad ones you’ve been on.

Aubrey Plaza Will Voice Grumpy Cat In Upcoming Lifetime Movie

  • Aubrey Plaza will voice Grumpy Cat in the upcoming Lifetime movie “Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.” Poor Grumpy Cat, she probably just wants to take naps in the sun and get belly rubs like a normal cat, but instead she endures a life of show biz and overpetting. The film is about an overlooked pet store kitty who meets a 12-year-old girl who can communicate with her, and it will premiere on November 29. Get excited! [MTV]
  • Darrell Hammond will take over for Don Pardo as announcer for “Saturday Night Live.” Pardo passed away last month. [NYMag.com]
  • This accidentally swearing Barbie has moms totally pissed (and is hilarious). [Cosmopolitan]
  • Eight animal-based sex positions besides doggystyle. [College Humor] Keep reading »

Labor Organizer Ai-Jen Poo Is Another MacArthur “Genius” Grant Winner

todays lady news

This Marching Band Playing Rage Against The Machine Is Giving Me Life

Marching Band Plays RATM

Oh my god. This video. Is. Life.

So, apparently the George Mason Green Machine is the coolest marching (“moshing” LOLOL) band of all time? They not only do a boss rendition of Rage Against the Machine’s “Bulls On Parade,” they’ve got “Beat It,” “Party Rock Anthem,” and “Pump It” in their repertoire as well. But OBVIOUSLY their Rage is the ultimate expression of marching band greatness. I am having serious flashbacks to being 17 and riding around Hyde Park in my ‘93 Camry right now.

Can I also mention how friggin’ boss it is that that flautist in the red shirt gives NO fucks and just keeps headbanging while she’s flauting? My hero. [YouTube]

Japanese Porn Star Mana Aoki Featured On School Book By Mistake

A math book made for Thai college students is being subtracted from the market after it was discovered that the woman on the cover is a Japanese porn actress. The book, titled “Basic Mathematics,” features a photo of a professional looking young schoolteacher on the cover that was pulled from Google Images. Read more on Huffington Post Weird News…

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