Girl Talk: I Was Afraid To Curse Myself

I bounded down the stairs to show my mom my new frilly red dress.

“Oh Kimmi! You look so pretty! That is such a pretty red dress!”

I stopped mid-twirl, put my hands on my four-year-old hips, and looked at her accusingly. “You don’t like my blue dress?” I asked.

Flash-forward 30 years, and that easily hurt, overly dramatic little girl has become an easily hurt, overly dramatic woman. I’m not sure why, but I have always jumped to conclusions and distorted the truth, turning compliments into insults and finding ways to feel slighted in any kind of situation or exchange. Keep reading »

Natalie Portman And Benjamin Millepied Do The Opposite Of PDA

I would like to coin the term PDI—public display of indifference. That’s what Natalie Portman and dancer boyfriend Benjamin Millepied, in the white shirt, were doing at the photo call for “Black Swan.” Instead of being photographed as a couple, director Darren Aronofsky stood in between them and slipped his hand around NatPort’s waist. Side note: Benjamin is a fox. [Venice, 9/01/10] Keep reading »

Quotable: Heidi Montag’s Worst Nightmare

“I had a nightmare that I slept without my nose tape on thank God it wasn’t true!”

Heidi Montag shares the uber-disturbing dream she had last night. Heidi, this does seem like an appropriate thing to thank God for. I mean, we wouldn’t your nose to “fall off like Michael Jackson’s,” as you once delicately put it. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: I Want A Ladyflower For A Day

If I could, I’d swap my penis for a vagina. Just for a day. I’m both physically and emotionally attached to my urinary and reproductive pleasure nodule. But I’d be lying if I wrote that I’m not curious as to what it’s like to have a secret garden. This curiosity does not call into question my sexuality, nor does it suggest that I’m an enlightened man who longs to experience the burdens of the feminine condition. The female reproductive organ is a source of endless fascination to men. We desire its sensual folds, fear its bloody mysteries, and owe it our very existence. One day I think it will be possible for men and women to trade genitals for fun and recreation. Keep reading »

Woman Dies In Ex-Boyfriend’s Chimney

You may have done some insane things to win back an ex-boyfriend, but we’re betting you’ve never done anything as crazy as Californian woman Jacquelyn Kotarac, who tried to get into her ex-boyfriend’s house by wriggling down the damn chimney. The only problem? Jacquelyn got stuck on the way down and DIED. Keep reading »

“The Real Housewives Of New Jersey” Reunion Part 1: A Study In Subtext

I finally got to watch “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion, part one. Holy crap! I still can’t believe there’s more to come. No wonder Teresa is allegedly demanding that producers double her salary. Being on that show is like going into a war zone.

There’s so much to discuss! Like, for starters, why were they talking in secret NJ code the whole time? It was a full hour of trying to decipher the many meanings of the word “bitch,” the tenor of each raised eyebrow and the shade of angry behind each guttural growl. After the jump, we investigate the meaning behind Danielle’s comment about Teresa’s “nephew” and all the Dina drama. Keep reading »

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