For The Week Of April 14-20, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Do whatever you have to do, to slow down your mind from churning out the paranoia and analyzing every facet of your life at every moment. Fun, spontaneity and extreme adventure is key to your happiness for the next two weeks. You don’t have to suffer to gain, so stop making your life work that way. Easy go; easy come — literally and metaphorically.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your relationship has been swinging from extreme to extreme over the last few weeks and over the next few days you’ll start wondering what you’re really in it for. Hold on tighter. Chances are you’ll find a nice balance and even a few undiscovered kinky areas to explore. Dive in for what it’s worth and let the natural flow take you where you belong.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Come out of the closet already. Whatever secrets you’re holding onto, unveil them by the 18th and find that peace you crave. Stop trying to map out the consequences and worst-case scenarios, because as you should know, nothing is ever as dramatic as you envision. Come clean and see the world outside your head is way chiller and actually on your side.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

It’s sad, but true, not everyone can be as bright as you wish. They’ll try your patience and make you want to kill, but then they’ll show their kindness and emotions will get the better of you. It’s okay, you’re only human and so are they. Besides, intelligence has nothing to do with sexual ability, so stop over-thinking the situation and accept some packages at face value.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Speak up! The louder you are and the more direct your demands, the more power you gain. Seems whoever is on your mind isn’t being upfront, but don’t worry. It’s not because he’s hiding anything, it’s more or less his own confusion. To get him into working order, plant your ass in the driver’s seat and show him the way. Seriously, being a top is your calling.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The only way to not add to the tension in your house this week is if you keep the dialogue flowing and the mood light. Yes, this means you’re going to have to be the bigger person and suck it up. Luckily, your perversions will be driving your libido and making you one hot mess for love, translating rather beautifully in the boudoir.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Beware of overestimating your salaciousness. While you’ll be able to talk the talk and walk the walk more supremely that you have in weeks, it won’t mean whom you want to watch will care. If you keep this in mind, your ego won’t be as blown and put you into a better position to aim your sexy intentions for another, more well suited bull’s eye.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

They’ll be no shortage of lust in your life. However, let him step it up by the week’s end and prove to you that he’s worth it. Yes, seems overnight, your standards have shifted and it’ll take more than a pretty face, but a MENSA membership to get into your pants. Thankfully, this means all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the show.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Slowly, but surely the grand scheme of your life starts to make more sense. Soon, your time will be more exclusive, as you’re able to learn to see clearly through the bullshit — thank god! With good news due to arrive soon, it’ll put you in an elevated position of confidence, perfect for looking down at situations and seeing where to cut the ties that no longer work for you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A bombastic “friend” will irritate the hell out of you. However, be careful retaliating and launching a war, because they’ll have way more ammo to fire back with than you. Seems they’ll have no qualms about calling up those shady characters from your past and spilling the skeletons from your closets. Whatever, you always knew he or she was a bitch anyway.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your go it alone attitude needs a break. When it comes to saving your love life from obscurity, admit you need help and call in back up. You have the connections, so make them work for you. Instead of trying to play coy, be direct — it‘s the only trick you haven’t used that is still up your sleeve. Plus, it’ll be the only way to get you the sex you deserve.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Ambition is one of the hottest things about you. You have a vision and will fight to the death for it. You’re passionate, intense and focused. Apply this to your love life and watch your stress melt away. Accept the one for you has got to have goals and completed accomplishments. Enough of the “falling for his potential.” Love on an installment plan doesn’t work — at least not for you.

More Sexist Puppy Clothes!

Ugh! I was out running errands this weekend when I saw two more examples of dog clothes being used to promote lame sexist attitudes. This hoodie says “He Goes To Work…We Shop!”, which annoys me because I can totally see some fo’ realz gold diggers outfitting their innocent pups in it. Your dogs would rather be licking their balls than shopping ladies! The other, after the jump, is more Playmate Of The Year nonsense. I get it — “playmate”, hardy har. All I know is my dog would have an awfully hard time rolling around in the mud in a jacket made for a pint-sized Pink Lady. Keep reading »

Star Couplings: Cate Blanchett Births Another Adorable, Pretentiously Named Little Tyke

  • Cate Blanchett had her third son over the weekend, who she and her husband named Ignatius. He sounds smart. [News.com.au]
  • Gerard Butler has, uh, vehemently denied that he’s dating Cameron Diaz. FYI, he also wants everyone to know he’s not boinking his dog either. [Perez Hilton]
  • Rachel Bilson is adorable in her “H” necklace (for boyfriend Hayden Christensen) and her green wayfarers. [Just Jared] Keep reading »
  • Activia Yogurt Gives Jamie Lee Curtis A Lil’ Surprise

    Last week we wrote about Jamie Lee Curtis strippin’ down for the cover of AARP. On Saturday Night Live this weekend, Kristen Wiig spoofed the actress doing an ad for Activia. Activia is that yogurt that’s all the rage cause it makes your bowels regular or something (side note: my soon-to-be-sister-in-law Lauren says that getting regular ol’ live culture yogurt from Whole Foods does the same thing, only better). Anyway, the skit was hysterical, not just because it mocked the ridiculousness of a yogurt that makes your insides rumbly, but also because it pokes fun at Jamie Lee Curtis’ whole “I’m 50, I’m fabulous, I’m naked, I just don’t give a &%$*”-schpiel, which, while probably totally genuine, is getting a little silly and predictable. So what happens when a hyped up Jamie inhales over a dozen Activia yogurts in one day? Check the clip above. Keep reading »

    How To: Make Love In The Tub

    The weekend is here! Hooray! If you’re planning on doing it in the bathtub this weekend, here are some pointers from Dr. Thomas Stuttaford and Suzi Godson, because it’s not going to be as easy:

  • Use baths for foreplay only, and skip the bubbles and all your other chemical-laden products. Bubble bath washes off the skin’s natural oils and lubrication, causing irritation. Irritation=no fun.
  • Make use of lube — and not a water-based one, which will wash off instantly. Silicone is best.
  • Try not to hit the faucet. That would be painful.
  • Also, check out these step-by-step instructions from AskMen.com on how to prepare a bath for a lady friend. They probably won’t help you with your endeavor, but you might laugh. They suggest playing Seal, as his music is soft and sensual. Um, if cheesy music is a requirement, we’d prefer Billie Holiday. [The Times, U.K. and AskMen.com]

    Keep reading »

    Tina Fey Hits The Newsstand And Faces MILF Island

    30 Rock was finally back on TV last night, after the long hiatus during the writer’s strike. We’re thrilled! And so must be the media, because Frisky fave Tina Fey is on two major magazine covers this month, Marie Claire and Entertainment Weekly. (She’s also got the comedy Baby Mama coming out soon, alongside Amy Poehler.) Oh, and on last night’s episode of 30 Rock, Liz Lemon was disgusted by the network’s latest hit, MILF Island. See what it’s all about, after the jump. Keep reading »

    Friday Quickies!

  • Everything you could possibly want to know about workin’ those Kegel muscles. [Daily Bedpost]
  • Get the Little Edie in Grey Gardens look! [Jezebel]
  • Shine shaves her pubes, and the Jezebel commenters can suck it! [Shine]
  • Do you watch porn with your lover? [Dear Sugar]
  • Horror movies are just modern day, blood porn. [Tango]
  • Going to the gyno is never fun. [Feministing]
  • Keep reading »

    Man Or Woman Game

    Not sure if that mystery hottie messaging you on MySpace is really a cute guy or an old lonely woman with 50 cats that just likes to role-play? A new website program called the Gender Genie claims it can tell whether someone is a man or woman by their writing. Using algorithms developed by Moshe Koppel at Bar Ilan University and Shlomo Argamon from Illinois Institute of Technology, the site decodes any passage by any author and makes its determination instantly. Although I’ve always wanted a penis of my very own, when I checked my last blog post about Dick Cheney, it said I was a overwhelmingly a dude. Huh. This just further proves my theory that I’m actually a drag queen trapped in a woman’s body. [Gearlive]

    Keep reading »

    We Heart The Midwest Teen Sex Show

    Despite the fact that none of us are teens or from the Midwest (well, except for me! Hooray for Ohio!), we are majorly down with the Midwest Teen Sex Show. These web-isodes are hilarious and educational – we had completely forgotten that learning can be funny! People of all ages should embrace the awkwardness that is talking about sex. For example: “Once you’ve put something into the butt, don’t put it anywhere else unless you’ve thoroughly cleaned it. And don’t use bleach.” Also, don’t forget, “If the thought of pooping grosses you out, you’re not ready for anal sex.” [Midwest Teen Sex Show] Keep reading »

    Thrillist’s Top 5 Things That Don’t Suck

    The Frisky has teamed up with Thrillist, the daily men’s lifestyle and city guide, to bring you a weekly list of things for the guys in your life. Here’s “Thrillist’s Top 5 Things That Don’t Suck”.

    Tunes: WeSC Headphones
    These Swedish ‘phones range from neon earbuds, to the retro “Street”, to DJ-issue pro jobs with leather cushions, all at such a reasonable price point, they’ll make you say “Ohm my Lord!” [TurntableLab.com] Keep reading »

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