For The Week Of August 11-17, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Stop the boredom. If you’re committed, hit it from new angles and with newer tricks. If you’re single, scour new turf and try new types. The world is your playground, get as pervy as you want. Accept the demented things that get you off, as you’re lucky to even know what they are. Don’t let fettered curiosity kill your cat.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Flirting from the sidelines is only going to get you so far. You know that the time to make a move is now or never, even your instincts are getting tired of trying to signal your move. Time is wasting and although you hate being the one to make the first move, it’s time to learn a thing or two more about yourself — like, that when it comes down to it, you’re one forceful bitch.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio has three icons, the only sign to have such a distinction. You’re the scorpion, the eagle and the phoenix. This gives you the power to rise from the ashes, fly above or kill upon distress. Depending on how evolved you are, one of these three personalities will pop out this week as domestic duress hits you were it hurts. Let’s hope it’s the one that won’t require bail.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Idealism is your blessing as it is your curse. If you stop to listen to yourself talk about your latest love affair, you’ll see that all does not line your current story to a happily ever after ending. Sure, miracles can happen, but the odds of one happening to you and this guy are a gazillion to one. If that sounds good to you, then know your idealism is in fact a curse.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money is your sex, so lay yourself on the line and get on top of your priorities. Pay off debt, reorganize investments — do anything proactive with your finances. Otherwise, paying attention to your love life will only make you crazy, as no one will be offering anything solid to rely on and if anything is going to comfort a gal like you, it’s solid facts and figures.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The power is in your hands to get your relationship moving to sexier shores, if you just say and show him what you want. Sure, your honey is as cute as a button, but when it comes to reading you, he’s not the brightest bulb in the box. Instead of wasting time, throw him a bone. The good news is he’ll be a fast learner.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Hearing news about your ex is always cause to run out and buy yourself something ridiculous. However, this time around instead of comforting yourself, you’ll be celebrating — celebrating being free from that a-hole and not stuck sharing his wretched life, playing mommy. You know it, feeling sorry for them is the best revenge.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Not all friendships can last forever. You learn what you can, be appreciative and if the time comes, leave in peace. Of course, that’s what any normal person would attempt to do — but you’re not normal. For you, this means turning up your heat to the umpteenth degree and going full throttle into warrior mode. (Lucky are the men that come onto your path.)

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Torturing your crush isn’t cute or effective. Sure, he’s retardedly messed up a thing or two, but hope is still out there. However, playing too hard isn’t going to give him inspiration to want to jump back in the game. Time to call a new play and get your ass back onto the scene, shaking it sweetly, as luring him with honey, not vinegar, will score you the winning point.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Between your cute sly smile, your charismatic style and effortless way with words, you’re capable of getting away with murder. Trouble is, when you meet your match, you have to rework your shtick. Luckily, you’re fast on your feet, especially when the motivation is getting on your back.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop living with drama and paranoia. End your bout of hypochondria and mark the 16th as your day to confront your own fears and get tested for all STDS and whatever else you’ve been freaking out about. One less drama in your life won’t just mean more peace of mind, but a smart way to feel like a virgin all over again.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Tables are turning and your relationship will start to enter the dark side — AKA, not-all-about-you and this won’t bode well with you at all. It’ll mean making major decisions and a few adjustments. Luckily, time is on your side, so as long as you can defend your behaviors and throw in some remorse, those all-about-me days don’t have to die just yet.

Star Couplings: Hayden Panettiere’s Dad In Big Trouble

  • Yikes. Hayden Panettiere’s dad was arrested for spousal abuse. [Perez Hilton]
  • Oh no he didn’t! Kevin “The Fugly” Jonas wore a t-shirt this weekend declaring that he’s on “Team Demi And Selena”. For those of you not wrapped up in tween politics, Demi and Selena are Disney stars and rivals of Miley Cyrus, who is the ex of Nick Jonas. Like, ZOMG this is HUGE. [Perez Hilton]
  • Angelina Jolie has not decided who she is going to vote for. Really? [Us Weekly]
  • Keep reading »

    This Week On The Frisky: Polyamory, Kinky Fox News, Tyra Banks, & The Mile High Club

  • We debated whether the recession was killing our mojo.
  • We learned all about polyamory from writer Anya James.
  • Wendy Atterberry declared her love for Swingtown and Catherine hearted Quiksilver’s fall collection.
  • Keep reading »

    Quickies!: Real Call Girls On The “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl”

  • Actual call girls discuss whether Showtime’s Secret Diary of a Call Girl is realistic. [Tango]
  • Tila Tequila will not do a third season of A Shot at Love. She will be truly missed…SIKE! [Tango]
  • These top ten tips on having sex with a married man are not what you’d think. There’s no justification here. [Daily Bedpost]
  • Here are five not-so obvious places to meet a guy. [College Candy]
  • Florida police are searching for girl gang members that attacked two teenagers with high-heels. [The Smoking Gun]
  • Keep reading »

    The Daily Hotness: Eddie Vedder

    On Tuesday night, I went, by myself, all the way up to Harlem to watch Eddie Vedder perform solo. No one would come with me because of the distance and because, I suspect, they didn’t want to be seen with me, knowing I would act like a looney. And act like a looney I did! I was reminded why almost missing Pearl Jam in 1993 nearly sent me to suicide — because Eddie is just a phenomenal singer and performer. I even overlooked the fact that he appeared to be wearing white jeans, especially when he used a loop sampler to layer his own vocals to sound like a ridiculously awful but horny R&B slow jam. Keep reading »

    Classic Levi’s Sell For $36,099 On eBay

    A pair of old-school Levi’s from the 1890s was found in an abandoned mine in California’s Mojave Desert. The company historian for Levi Strauss & Co. thinks they’re the 201 style, a “value” (read: cheaper) version of their 501s. The jeans sold on eBay for $36,099 last week, which is three times as much as the most expensive pair of jeans we’ve heard of, which are covered with Swarovski crystals. Let this be a lesson: Classic always trumps trendy. [WWD] Keep reading »

    Hollywood Trend: Celebrities Say “No” To “I Do”

    Marriage is so out this wedding season! Only Mariah Carey is doing it, that’s how over it is. After a nuptial-less summer — not even Kate Moss made it down the aisle — we started noticing the new Hollywood trend. Longterm partnerships (sans diamonds, splashy affairs, and cheesy photos) are the must-have Ray-Ban Wayfarers of relationships! After both had failed marriages, hippie generation icons Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been going at it, without making it official, for 25 years. In an interview, Goldie claimed their secret to success is, “knowing I can walk out at any moment…that keeps things fresh.” And after going through the pain of divorce, many stars seem to agree.

    Keep reading »

    Stupid Trend Alert: Band-Aids As Fashion Accessory

    Now that Brazilian fashion designer Alexandre Herchcovitch has designed a line of boldly patterned Band-Aids, fashion people are trying to convince the world that these bandages are the must-have accessory, even equating it with a bracelet or handbag. But any sane person over the age of 5 knows this is a load of bull. As someone that occasionally walks into walls, I have a real problem with broadcasting my accident-prone tendencies. I’d prefer to just wear a temporary tattoo or a Swarovski crystal tattoo or stick with my REAL kick-ass tats. Those at least don’t have the ick-factor of a Band-Aid.

    Fashion types are known for wanting attention and I have no problem admiring someone’s style, but I refuse to give them my sympathy for a cut that probably doesn’t exist. Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes tried this fad in the ’90s and it didn’t work. Rapper Nelly adopted the Band-Aid look in ’00s and has since abandoned it. So fashion world that I know and love, please stop this stupid trend right now before all the editors at New York Fashion Week start looking like they went to New York Presbyterian Hospital instead of Bryant Park. [New York Times] Keep reading »

    Who IS Balthazar Getty, Anyway?

    Who does Balthazar Getty think he is? Well, inquiring minds (who keep reading his name over and over again) want to know! So we did a little digging on the daddy that ran off with Sienna Miller and here’s what we found out:

    • LOVES: At the tender age of 16, Balthazar moved in with actress Lala Sloatman, but their relationship burned out fast. In 1989 the aspiring actor was photographed for a Seventeen magazine spread with his former girlfriend Milla Jovovich. After they split, Getty got it on with Drew Barrymore until 1991. In 2000, he married fancy-pants children’s clothing designer and couturier to the stars, Rosetta Millington. Together they have four children, but Getty said that the two separated in late-2007, before he hooked up with co-star Sienna Miller.
    • Keep reading »

    Couples Who Ended Up Looking Like Each Other

    Some people start dating because they are so very similar. They have the same interests, background, education, taste in dogs, and favorite dessert. Then there are couples who end up becoming more and more like their significant other as the relationship progresses, and not just in interests, but in looks. Here are eight current and former couples who began looking and dressing alike after they started going out.

    Ashlee Simpson dyed her hair darker and started using a straightener non-stop when she and Pete Wentz started dating. [Photo: AP] Keep reading »

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