Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You’ll be able to separate the men from the boys this week, as riddles you’ve posed start to produce answers that’ll reveal the true intelligence of your prospects. The problem though is that the winner of this contest is most likely the one you’re not rooting for, which will mean the most important lesson you’ll learn this week is you’re more superficial than you thought. Oh well.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The bad girl in you will be suggesting all sorts of naughty ideas that you shouldn’t ignore. Let her take charge, because she’ll find the intrigue you’re in dire need of refueling on. Despite the perfect image you want to portray, you know deep down inside you’re not a gal suitable for the general public and it’s time you owned up to it.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
They’ll be no stopping you from getting on top of things and riding off into the sunset of your choice, as the world is now kneeling in front of you, begging for you to do with it as you will. There’s no limit to your potential, so be sure to crack the whip with real authority and drive a hard bargain. Remember, there’s a reason you were born under the official sign of the badass.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The past is going to haunt you, as hook-ups will make you ooze with nostalgia. Who knows what exactly is the cause, it might be that you actually do meet-up with a past love or something about your current one brings out your sentimental side. Whichever your case, don’t give in any further, as the long-term effects will bring complete mayhem.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Remember, it’s about quality, not quantity. So, despite friends feverishly living out their smuttiest fantasies, making you feel like a prude, revel in the fact that you’re not running to the clinic getting tested every week. Sure, your toes might be permanently curled, but consider it the nicer alternative than being consumed by psychosomatic itching and burning sensations.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
A compromising position at work may leave a bad taste in your mouth. Instead of analyzing the situation, trying to justify it, take it for what it is — total discomfort. After all, it doesn’t take Einstein to decipher a good touch from a bad one. With this said, make this your catalyst for moving to sunnier shores and take that next step in your career.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
All your best ideas will come to you while you’re going at it. Complete with feeling like a giant knot lately, it’s been ages since you’ve gotten a shag that has made you almost reach nirvana. Thankfully, this week, the universe is looking out for you and some kick-ass revelations will be vibrating through your soul and bestowing you with divine inspiration.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
The measure of your affection is the intensity of your madness. The stronger your passion, the more insane you get. This week, if you can get through all the communication mishaps, you’ll most likely be peaking at crazy levels that can get you locked-up — and everyone will be genuinely happy about that.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Home may be where your heart is, but not where you and your boo’s whole existence should be. This means, make it a priority to every so often come out for sunlight, as in prancing about as a couple and revealing to friends that you indeed do have someone in-between your sheets that is delightful, cute, of normal intelligence and not rechargeable.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Not all love affairs are the same. Some start slow, others burn out fast, and then there are those that keep you on the fence. This week, destiny will lead you to a new find, which will have you wondering if it’s a diamond in the rough or just plain rough. Set a deadline on chipping off the veneer. If a sparkle isn’t found in two weeks, cut your losses.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You have too many responsibilities in your life than to have to deal with domestic love issues too. Instead of driving yourself over the edge about your honey’s slovenly habits, put on the rose colored glasses and mentally live out your perfect romantic fantasies. Think of it as researching a standard in which to love by, as visualizing is half the job of making it real.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Avoid any conversations dealing with serious commitment, especially cohabitation, or expect power plays to erupt and ego-clashes down to the death. To better argue your case, do it with action — as in taking advantage of the mind-blowing sex aspects you have going on and making him realize how lucky he has it already and how it could be his 24-7 if he’s man enough.
When it’s gloomy and cold outside, I crave color. One of the best ways to spice up any winter outfit — from a dress with tights to your important business woman’s suit — is a pair of bright, colorful, punchy pumps. No longer should you relegate your footwear to black and brown! Jewel tones are especially in this season — after the jump, 10 pairs of pumps in a dizzying array of pinks, reds, purples, and blues. Oh, and one yellow, just cause. Keep reading »
I have a lot of collections: miniatures, toy guns, vintage hats, art books, concert set lists, magazines, records, high heels, etcetera. While I thought I was collecting boyfriends the same way, apparently all my tchotchkes are scaring them off. According to Alex Froud, who wrote “Throw Out The Knick-Knacks: Why Must You Women Have So Much Clutter?” nothing makes a penis go limp quite like a bunch of personal touches. Froud, a happily married man, describes his wife’s influx of home accessories as “Chinese water torture — but with ornaments.” Keep reading »
Hold onto your mouse pads, I have a revelation for you (drum roll please): online friends are not the same as their “real world” equivalents.
I know, duh. You rarely, if ever, actually see the people you meet online. They don’t go with you to the grocery store or to check out the cute guy at Starbucks and are unlikely to ever ask to borrow your Marc Jacobs handbag (meaning you never have to humiliate them by saying no). If you’re going through a bad time, they might be there with some emailed sympathy and advice but call them in tears at 4 AM and you’re crossing over into stalker territory.
Keep reading »
Before she was Bree on “Desperate Housewives” Marcia Cross was the infamous Dr. Kimberly Shaw on Melrose Place. Bitch was over-the-top psycho and the world loved it. Enjoy her most infamous scene, above. Keep reading »
LEFT: Dot-Print Tee in Blue/Black, $16.99; Button-Down Blouse with Button-Tab Waist in Black, $22.99; Ombre Chiffon Skirt in Blue/Black $26.99. RIGHT: Marble-Print Button-Down Shirt, $26.99; Color-Block Button-Down in White/Gray, $22.99; Kaleidoscope-Print Tee in White, $16.99; Ponte Pants in Navy $34.99.
Every cloud has its silver lining and, in this case, that silver is going gray gracefully! The bottom isn’t just dropping out of the economy, in American’s cases, it’s spilling over pants proudly. Due to the falling economy, people are willing to let their skin sag rather than pay a plastic surgyeon to fix up their business. Tits, tummies, butts, and faces are going untucked, unsucked, and unenhanced. Across the country, some cosmetic docs have seen a 30% drop in their earnings. “With this latest fiasco [on Wall Street], many are probably down closer to 40 percent,” said Sacramento surgeon and president of the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery, Dr. Patrick McMenamin. Sounds like America is going au natural! In these tough times, we’re all going to have to work with what we got. [MSNBC] Keep reading »
One of my favorite pastimes is reading interior design magazines like Domino and getting depressed about the look of my own department. It’s a sickness, really. But I think one of the easiest ways to cure a depressing habitat situation is to spruce up what you’ve already got with some new, cheap home accessories. Like the eight after the jump! Keep reading »