Dealbreaker: The Comedian

It was a drizzly night, and I was walking down the street with Luke, my boyfriend at the time, to a comedy club where he was performing that night. He held an umbrella over my head and had his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I should have been giddy, but instead I felt apprehensive. We’d been dating for a few months, but this was the first time I was going to one of his shows.

“So, you’re not going to make fun of me, are you?” I asked, flashing back to Jerry Seinfeld and man hands and close talking. What if he called me out in public on some absurd quirk I never knew existed?

“No,” he said. “That’s a cheap laugh.” His material was more sophisticated, even a touch political, he said.
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Don’t Forget To Vote In March Man-ness Round 2!

Round 2 of March Man-ness ends today at 6 p.m., so get your vote on and help decide who will be in the Final Four. Currently, Ryan Tiesi is leading the pack, followed by Chris Kramer, Conner Teahan, and Tyler Hansbrough. But Michigan State, Oklahoma, Xavier, and Duke fans, you still have time to rally and move your guys to the top! VOTE NOW Keep reading »

Happies vs. Crappies: Why Some Single Women Just Need To Shut Up, Get Over It, And Get On With It

In a recent column on the Huffington Post, “Why I’m Single,” writer Lea Lane lists all the reasons that she’s still single. Why? So she can send the URL to all the nosy, possibly well-meaning busy-bodies who keep asking her why she isn’t in a relationship.

Lane presents a persuasive case; it almost made me wish for the days I, too, had the whole bed to myself. She’s one of what I’ll call the “Happies,” women who are perfectly content with their single status. They don’t want for a companion; they love their solitude and have enough friends, hobbies, and passions to keep themselves busy. Although, most Happies, like Lane, are “open to options, and do understand the beauty and wonder — and blessing — of a good relationship,” they neither actively seek one nor passively hope and pray one comes their way. The Happies say they don’t need a relationship to be content, and, by God, they mean it. Keep reading »

9 Things I Learned About Women From Editing Maxim

I edited Maxim for four years, and let me tell you, we knew everything there was to know about guys. Like this: All guys really care about is girls. Our sex and relationship pieces tried to break down the great female mystery, and they were consistently the highest-rated articles in the magazine aside from, well, the pictorials. And we learned a lot ourselves. Here are nine interesting nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from my job presenting women to men. Keep reading »

Star Couplings: No One Can Stop Madonna From Adopting?

  • Madonna, who is being called a baby robber by some, will appear in a Malawi court in hopes of adopting Mercy James, whose mother is trying to stop the adoption. [Dlisted]
  • The rumor that Rihanna hooked up with another “Hills” Z-lister, Frankie Delgado, is false. Even Frankie is denying the rumors. We’re sure Rihanna knows she can do better than that. [Perez Hilton]
  • Gisele Bundchen says learning of Tom Brady’s love child with Bridget Moynahan actually contributed to their blissful relationship. It probably didn’t hurt that Bridget keeps a low profile. [People.com]
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    For The Week Of March 30-April 5, 2009

    Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

    They’ll be all sort of strange panics you’ll be having over your sex life, but don’t give into it much, as it’s all a state of mind. As long as you keep your eye on the prize, and avoid getting too emotional about your current circumstances, you will come out fine. After all, why add more pressure on yourself? This time around, let fate show you what its got.

    Libra (September 23 – October 22)

    Your honey is only human and if you expect anything more than mediocre this week, you’ll be setting yourself up for a fall. Sure, he’ll be able to say all the right things, but doing them won’t be hitting the mark. Instead of defining your whole relationship on this week, be vigilant and don’t forget the past. Of course, if none of it adds up, then this is the week to subtract.

    Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

    Bitching and moaning might be what you feel, but if you want that someone to come save your day, you’re going to have to seize your independence, go that holier than thou route and act as if you know it all. Your cockiness will translate well and draw him in like flies to honey. However, when all is said and done, don’t worry, bitching and moaning will also have its place and time.

    Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

    You can’t help yourself from jumping on a good thing when you see it, but do beware than you have the tendency to flip flop your emotions just as fast and this time around someone’s heart will be on the line and unless you want to be responsible for a major disaster, think hard before promising anything beyond this week.

    Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

    If you’re a cohabitator, this is the week to tell your roomie to put in those extra hours at work, because your inner beast will be out in full force. Yes, moodiness will strike you at your homiest, making you bite off the head of anyone who can’t get with your program. So, unless your baby is completely whipped, tell him to run for cover.

    Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

    Don’t read too much into anything you hear this week when it comes to love or sex, because chances are you’ll be adding in a lot more spice and chaos that the situation is asking for and in turn, making yourself your own worst enemy. Sure, being a little suspicious is always good, but in all things, think moderation. This time around, what you hear is really what you get.

    Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

    The hell with debt; sometimes throwing money at a problem is the lesser of the evils and as this week pulls you through an emotional roller coaster that has you wondering where you’re going in the long term, the only way to come to a decent conclusion is pamper yourself like crazy and have the answers arise in the wake of your calm.

    Aries (March 21 – April 19)

    Your heart and mind are going to skitz out in opposite directions, but if you’re going to trust one, make it your mind. In terms of love, you’ll have no sense of right and wrong if you are lead by emotions and that will get you manipulated in the wrong way. However, if you’re prudent, your brains will get you through and prove to whomever that you’re not a bitch to be messed with.

    Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

    There is a fine line between devotion and being a doormat, this week be able to step back from your relationship and understand the distinction between the two. If need be, consult one of your closest and most outspoken friends and ask their opinion. If anything, that extra dose of tough love will prove to be the perfect antidote.

    Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

    Being friends first doesn’t mean your prospect is a dog or thinks you’re one. Not every relationship needs to begin with mind-blowing sex games and avoiding each other on deeper levels. Yes, sometimes people are just that genuine and want to jump your bones for something more than just the superficial and that isn’t a bad or boring thing, if it’s done right.

    Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

    Being able to talk a big game and being able to bring it are two very different things and unless you are willing to step back and let this latest boy toy prove his thing, you might never know unless its too late what he truly is capable of. Not to say you have to set him up, but if he truly is on the up and up, then it’ll be obvious fast.

    Leo (July 23 – August 22)

    Taking big risks bring big fears, but don’t let that rule you. Set a major plan in motion, like a possible long distance love affair or even just a big vacation, either or, ditching everything you know for what you don’t in some capacity will lead to extreme pleasures that’ll be lighting up your mind and body with incomprehensible delights.

    Quote Of The Day: Katherine Heigl Has Rich People Problems

    “‘I don’t know if I want to continue for five years working 12 months a year, but I can take at least another year or two.”

    – Katherine Heigl, on being willing to “compromise” and film movies during “Grey’s Anatomy”‘s hiatuses. Keep reading »

    Five Totally Frat Boy Free Spring Break Getaways

    spring break destinations c jpg
    Sort of over the whole wet T-shirt, smashing beer cans on foreheads, jello shots spring break vacay? Call me old, but nothing ruins a vacay quicker than an MTV camera in my face and the smell of puke lingering in the hotel hallway at 10am. Here are five places to check out this spring for a guaranteed no Jäger shot great time.

    Isabella Rossellini Has A Six-Foot-Long Penis

    In our science classes growing up, we learned about cell reproduction, animal reproduction and, of course, human reproduction. We wish Isabella Rossellini’s “Green Porno” had been around back when we were in seventh grade so we could have learned the birds and the bees while having a laugh, rather than squirming in our seat every time our teacher said the word “sperm.”

    “Green Porno” is a series of short films, all two minutes or shorter in length, that show Rossellini dressed up as various creatures (including a whale with a six-foot dick) and explaining in her beautiful Italian accent the various details about how they procreate.

    Rossellini has always been interested in animal behavior, ever since she was a little girl, and she decided to focus on the sex lives of animals in her short film series because, well, sex sells. “Not many people are interested in animal behavior, but everyone is interested in sex,” she tells us. So, she decided to make the series about how animals have sex, because it would be “varied, and scandalous, and different.” The short films aren’t meant to illuminate us on our own sex lives — after all, a barnacle probably doesn’t share the same sexual problems as you — but Rossellini does want you to learn something. “It’s supposed to be funny,” she says. “I would like the first reaction to be a laugh, and the second reaction to be, ‘Oh, I didn’t know that about animals!’”

    The second season of “Green Porno” starts April 1, but if you haven’t seen the first season, catch up on it now at SundanceChannel.com/GreenPorno. Seriously, you should watch it. Sex hasn’t been this comical since your first time. Keep reading »

    Sliding Scale: Espadrille Wedges, Floral Tops, & Trench Coats

    Three big trends for spring to fit every budget!

    ESPADRILLE WEDGES
    We’re stoked that espadrilles are making a big comeback this season because they’re the ultimate multi-purpose shoe. They’re the sort of dress-up/dress-down accessory that works particularly well with jeans and simple dresses. We’re loving the candy-colored varieties that are popping up all over stores, that add an extra zing to your spring.

    1. This sweet criss-cross strap slims and flatters the ankles. [$170, Bettye Muller, NeimanMarcus.com]
    2. We love the retro feel of this peep-toe sandal. [$69, Victoria's Secret, VictoriasSecret.com]
    3. Satin fabric and a flower detail lend a classy touch to these shoes. [$60, J. Crew, JCrew.com]
    4. Patent leather makes the pretty colors of these espadrilles shine. [$24, Newport News, Newport-News.com]

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