Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
Love your glasses! But seriously, you need to gain some weight back. I’m all for gettin’ heart healthy, cutting back on the trans-fats and the beer intake, but you’ve taken it too far. How do I know? Because with all the poundage, you’ve lost your ability to be funny. Your “Saturday Night Live” hosting gig this weekend was terrible and we can only blame the writers so much. Your delivery was awful! I mean, who’s ever heard of a funny guy who isn’t funny? I’m not sure why you lost your giggle-inducing talent along with the weight, but if you want to save your career, you’ll start chowing down on the McGangBangs FAST. Also, be careful with the roles you choose. Your cameo in “Superbad” was genius — your starring role in the upcoming “Observe and Report” is cause for concern. Not everyone’s terrible choices go the way of Jimmy Fallon, who somehow managed to score a late-night hosting gig despite “Taxi” and “Fever Pitch.” Oh and seriously, even if you hadn’t sucked on “SNL” this weekend, I still would be suggesting you trim back on the trimming back — you were cuter with a lil’ meat on your bones.
P.S. A clip of your “SNL” monologue is after the jump, for those who were lucky enough to miss it the first time. Keep reading »
Hey, remember how we told you about that orgasmic meditation center in San Francisco called OneTaste, where practitioners gave each other orgasms in between breakfast and yoga? The New York Times merely profiled the ambiance and mission of the San Francisco chapter, but The New York Post attempted to one up them by sending writer Justin Rocket Silverman to try it out with a lady friend (named “Layla”). Oh, and then share the details of his finger banging lesson with all of us, which he does with gusto and a laundry list of creative words for vagina. Fun! After the jump, a breakdown of exactly what goes on during an orgasmic medication, or OMing, session. Keep reading »
April is STD Awareness Month, and we asked you to share your STD-related stories so we could learn from
your each other’s mistakes. If you have a tale involving sores, Valtrex, or a judgy gynecologist, send an email to email@example.com. We will keep your identity anonymous.
I would like to take this opportunity to represent people with an STD that obtained it even before their first kiss. As a baby, I played with other little girls that lived in my apartment complex. They had contracted herpes from their mother, and after slobbering all over the same toys, I also contracted the virus. I have always informed my partners of the risk and always taken every precaution not to spread it. A few years ago, when I was still with my first boyfriend (we had lost our virginities to each other), I got an outbreak of genital herpes. I found out that though we thought we were safe because he never showed any symptoms of contracting it, he was a carrier and had inadvertently given it to my nether regions. The moral of the story is to never judge someone because of an illness they have — all they deserve is your empathy. Keep reading »
We get really annoyed when we hear couples speaking lovey-dovey language and dropping inside jokes. But these annoying couple-isms could be signs of a strong, satisfying relationship. According to one study, couples who use pet names and code phrases experienced more satisfaction in their relationship. Keep reading »
Since a lot of us spend our free time updating our Facebook status, Tweeting, reblogging Tumblr posts, and keeping up with the world online, it can be hard to connect with people in real life. But from time to time, online activity can lead to relationships with real, live humans. On Sunday, the New York Times profiled a blogger-commenter romance in the Style Section. True love comes to those who comment! Keep reading »
I’m gonna be honest. I’m turning 30 this year and my biological clock is a-tickin’. I want kids in the next 3-5 years, partially because I don’t want to fork over any dough for fertility treatments. That’s why — along with marathon sessions of “The Millionaire Matchmaker” — I’m rapidly losing patience with men my age or older who don’t feel that they’re “ready” to have kids. When you don’t have a fire under your ass that’s pushing you to be ready, or else, it’s really easy to delay parenthood until the day your 40-year-old self grows up, decides it’s time to spread the seed, preferably in a 25-year-old’s egg. But science might finally have a little pressure to put on these guys. In The New York Times‘ Sunday Magazine this weekend, Lisa Belkin wrote about a new study out of Australia that found that children of older men have slightly lower IQ than those of younger fathers. Keep reading »
At the Bravo’s A-List Awards last night, Tila Tequila and Billy Corgan made an interesting couple on the red carpet, with Corgan lovingly looking down at Tequila. We have a couple questions. They can’t possibly be together, can they? And why were they at the A-List Awards, when clearly neither is A-list. [Bravo A-List Awards, Los Angeles, 4/5/2009] Keep reading »
It was a big weekend on Twitter! Lindsay Lohan dumped SamRo via a tweet, then accused her of doing drugs and cheating, before getting locked out of her house. Wah! Plus, Diddy watched porn whilst eating cornflakes, Nicole Richie gushed about her Prince Charming, and John Mayer took a bath. Guess it should come as no surprise that these publicity loving celebs hold nothing back when they tweet… More screengrabs, after the jumps… Keep reading »
Let’s be honest—first dates are horrible and humiliating experiences. Trying to do and say all the right things so that the other person doesn’t think you’re a complete freak is exhausting and no one likes trying to make small talk with a virtual stranger, no matter how good looking he or she might be. In fact, the cuter someone is, the more pressure there is to make a good first impression. Do make good jokes; don’t bring up politics or religion. Do wear a flattering yet appropriate outfit; don’t dress like a castoff from “Rock of Love.” Keep reading »