Star Couplings: Madonna Pleads For Mercy, Chris Brown Has A New Girl

  • Madonna has plans to build a house in Malawi in the hopes of adopting Mercy. She’s opened up to the country’s Nation newspaper, blabbing about better health care, education, and a stable family environment. [Dlisted]
  • Lindsay Lohan had one out of control weekend following her breakup with Sam Ronson last week. She was spotted at a party drinking copious amounts of vodka until she was unable to form a sentence. But that didn’t stop LiLo from moving on to the next party just before 3 a.m. [Perez Hilton] Somebody needs to get Dr. Drew Pinsky over to Lindsay before she ends up like Britney Spears.
  • Nicole Richie has kicked Joel Madden out of his home office because she needs the space to be Harlow’s new “big girl” bedroom now that the couple is expecting a second child. [OK! Magazine]
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    Gay, Feminist, & Erotica Writers Get Deranked On Amazon

    Oh Amazon, how you’ve failed us. The online retailer came under fire this weekend for deranking a long list of books they’ve suddenly deemed “adult” material. Among the books deemed too adult to appear on searches and best seller lists on the site? Hundreds of lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender books, including Gay Life And Culture: A World History, Heather Has Two Mommies, and The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide To Creating Families And Raising Children.

    Over the course of the weekend, however, it became clear that the gay and lesbian community wasn’t the only one being targeted — books focusing on sex and feminism also lost their ranking, including Full Frontal Feminism by Feministing’s Jessica Valenti, and many of the erotica titles edited and written by Frisky contributor Rachel Kramer Bussel.

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    For The Week Of April 13-19, 2009

    Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

    Lust is going to make you crazy, as what you thought was happening is going to hightail itself in the opposite direction, making you more confused than ever. Don’t think too much on the past, as what was once true is no longer the case. For now, the only thing you should trust is your future and making things right with yourself again.

    Libra (September 23 – October 22)

    You won’t be able to rely on logic this week, as making sense is so last week. Now, it’s time to use your creativity and instincts to plow through responsibilities and any dragging emotional issues you have. Think the softer and more compassionate route and a week from now, you’ll find yourself landing back to reality softly and sweetly.

    Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

    Your dreamy romantic emotions are going to be taking a turn, this time into a more aggressive realm, where you no longer have to fantasize about those things you want, but actually be able to have them as hard facts. Yes, this is the time to really put yourself on the line and get in charge of how you want to turn it out.

    Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

    Put your phone on silent, because there’ll be more than a few crazy calls from those closest to you about ridiculous things that’ll be of no bearing to you. While you can strive to be everyone’s best friend, don’t waste your energy on such things because as it goes, this is prime season for you to be on your back, not on the phone.

    Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

    Someone close to you, or yourself, will be letting down their wall big time and the wave of emotions is expected to be at tsunami levels. Whichever the case, don’t censor yourself. Take this ride for what its worth and let it take you were it will. In the end, at the least, it’ll make you feel refreshed and tighter with that special someone.

    Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

    A feeling of restlessness is inevitable and there are only a few things that’ll somewhat calm those nerves. Of course you can always screw your week away, but chances are that might jack your anxiety levels more, as your mind will have the tendency to wander off into bizarre emotional caves from it. Sorry to say, the best thing for you to curl up to this week is a good book.

    Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

    You can’t give anyone you world right now, but you don’t have to feel bad about it. There is no reason you own anything to anybody, other than yourself right now. Best to rethink commitments you‘ve made and really sort out your emotions in a way that has you feeling good about yourself and back in control. If you can do this on a solo getaway, book the trip right now!

    Aries (March 21 – April 19)

    You shouldn’t have to pretend all is right in your world, no matter whom you’re trying to mislead. The fact is it’ll catch up to you. Besides, there’s no reason to hide the foibles that fill your life, as those are the things that up your steaminess, as it’s the things that challenge you that make you hot — as least in the eyes of the man candy you have on the hook now.

    Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

    The friendship part of your love life will be your priority this week, as the focus will turn to the companionship part of your relationship and has you relearning what you found so endearing about the other in the first place. Not to say sex won’t be a part of your week, but certainly not the grand prize.

    Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

    Apologies from a bonehead from your past will be the highlight of your week, but not so much the satisfaction you’ll win from the obvious grovel, but because you realize how little this will mean to you at the end of the day and how far you’ve come from the seemingly endless torture you once felt over this moronic someone.

    Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

    Having high-flying ideals and talking a big game isn’t sexy, unless you back it up. As much as you feel and say you want to do what you want, talking won’t make them happen, nor will thinking about it. Action is on the agenda and if you want to save face, this will mean hopping onto the bucking bronco and riding it into the wild unknown.

    Leo (July 23 – August 22)

    The secrets you think you’ve hidden aren’t as inconspicuous as you think and the lies will come out. Drama, heavy emotion and all the mysterious things that have power over you will unravel, throwing you into crisis mode. Whatever, karma is a bitch and you’ll have to deal, but at the least, look forward to a short recovery time.

    Dating Across America: How 10 Women Met Their Last Boyfriend

    When you’re single, meeting eligible men can be kind of frustrating. Yes, you can go to bars, try online dating, or stalk pet-owners at the dog park, but if you tried your usual tricks and now feel like you’ve depleted your options, have no fear! We asked 10 women in cities across the country how they met their last boyfriend (and what they did on their first date together) to give you a few new ideas. It looks like we’ll be signing up for acting classes, going to a few baseball games, and watching live wrestling events! Keep reading »

    Slideshow: The Best of “As Seen On TV” Beauty Products

    earliftf jpg
    Are your beauty products boring? Do you get easily frustrated by complicated grooming devices like hairbrushes and combs? Fear no longer! With this selection of beauty accessories, your life will never be the same again! Act now!

    Hide your ghastly sagging earlobes with the Ear Lift, a plastic adhesive disk that somehow holds up your skin while wearing dangling earrings. [$9.95, AsSeenOnTV.com]

    We’re Dying To See “500 Days Of Summer”

    Hi, guys. So, this is my favorite movie: “500 Days Of Summer.” I haven’t actually seen it yet, but the trailer is above, and honestly if it doesn’t turn out to be my favorite movie, I will be super surprised. Also, can I please walk into an elevator and meet someone like Joseph Gordon Levitt, please? Thanks. Keep reading »

    Breakin’: Britney Disses Weed. Other Celebs Weigh In On The Chronic.

    Britney Spears marijuana photo

    This week, Britney Spears stopped performing in the middle of her Vancouver show because the venue was allegedly full of cigarette and marijuana smoke. Spears (a smoker) claimed the funky air was making her and her crew gag. She returned to the stage 45 minutes later, and finished the concert with a constructive, “Thanks Vancouver. You were wonderful. Drive safe. Don’t smoke weed!” [Hollywood Rag] Keep reading »

    The Most Orange, Crispy Tanning Horror Stories You’ll Ever Read

    Dear Dr. Derm, forgive me for what I’m about to say.

    So, yeah, “tan me” is way hotter than “pasty-and-pale me.” (And by way hotter, I’m not intimating that I’m incredibly good-looking—or even a little good-looking—it’s about that little bit of bronze that balances out my sometimes ruddy skin, makes my hair look blonder without the $250 highlighting bill and let’s me walk out of the house with some Aquaphor on as lip gloss and nothing else). But, since tanning is universally known to cause bad stuff (hi, cancer), I refrain and instead hit the bottle.

    Either way you go, the bottle tan or the UV-ray real thing, getting bronzed often produces the most brutal (and totally hilar) stories. To wit…
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    Pete Townsend And Friends Rock The Cradle

    The Who’s legendary guitarist, Pete Townsend, just got dumped by his wife of 40 years. She stood by him through drug addiction and child porn accusations, but now that the 63 year old rocker has got a 35 year old girl friend, wifey Karen Astley can finally see he’s beyond help. While we bet Grandpa Pete can still play a mean pinball, now he’s looking more like a pinhead for dating a woman who is younger than his own daughters. SCORE bro- um, NOT! But skeezy Papa Pete isn’t the only 60-something who has robbed the cradle for coochie. Here are some other famous old farts popping Viagra like their girlfriend’s have to pop zits…[DailyMail]

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    The Celebs Who Sell The Most Magazines

    Magazines try to put celebrities on their covers who will sell copies on newsstands, but some stars just don’t seem to attract readers the way others do. WWD searched newsstand sales numbers from the Audit Bureau of Circulations and found that Angelina Jolie, Victoria Beckham, and Lauren Conrad seem to do consistently well, no matter what magazine cover they’re on or what month the issue comes out. Vanity Fair‘s July Jolie cover was that magazine’s best seller for 2008, as was her November W. Beckham’s Elle and Allure covers were those magazine’s best sellers, and Conrad’s Shape cover sold more than that magazine’s other issues. Some cover stars you would think would do well actually fluctuated based on what mag they were on and month their cover came out. Both Eva Longoria Parker and Scarlett Johansson were best sellers for some magazines and worst sellers for others. Do you buy magazines based on who is pictured on their covers? [WWD] Keep reading »

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